la vie Melbourne!
I am back in Melbourne, it’s springtime and things are awesome. This post will be somewhat disjointed as a result.
The trip to SF was rocky at the start, but awesome and deeply affirming by the end. I spent a lot of the first week feeling strangely alienated, since I was neither in my own life nor properly on holiday. I cycled between ‘I feel rubbish/jetlagged in a way that would be addressed by sunshine on my skin and connection with people’ and ‘I’m on the clock, I should be working’ (later, rinse, repeat). After slogging through that for a week, it was frustrating to have a bunch of work demands spontaneously erupt in the second week which prevented me from seeing some people that I really wanted to see [Rune, I’ll be in touch with you separately with an apology and counteroffer].
I enjoyed some of my favourite culinary delights, but fewer than I would have if I was not travelling alone. I caught up with some people who are part of my past, but don’t really engage current Jodi. While it’s nice to find out what people are up to, those interactions felt a bit like squandered time. As people started to roll into town for the burn, I caught up with them; it seems strange to me to travel the other side of the world and then see people you can see at home, but that’s where the sense of connection and tribe was. I caught up with some people from my past whose company I continue to find engaging and entertaining-these people are lifelong friends, and we can just pick up wherever we are. I caught up with my chosen family, staying in one of the 2-3 houses on this planet that feel ‘home’. Through circumstances, I ended up spending the first 10 days in the downstairs apartment that Allyn and I lived in 1993-98(?). I remembered how much I loved that apartment, and how it is basically exactly what I want for myself if living alone-2 comfortable rooms to separate work from sleep, ample kitchen and storage, natural light. As a minimalist, I don’t really need that much space. But if I have it, I’ll fill it. [Use of space was an unexpected recurring mental theme through this trip (which I guess makes sense given that I’m trying to construct an independent life from the ground up in Melbourne based on what *I* need when not part of a ‘we’).]
I spent time with Will and heard about his experiences in SF. We had some emotional discussions, as well as some fun times. I was reminded of the things I really love and appreciate about him, as well as the very valid reasons that we are not together. I feel reconnected with that relationship in a different way after taking much-needed distance from it, and generally feel much more at ease and content with our split than I did a month ago, which is an un-looked-for bonus to the whole thing.
I had fun times in SF: I enjoyed some perfect weather, remembered that I have some awesome people there, and appreciated the culinary/commercial/cultural boons available few other places in the world. I was offered an (implied) cushy job, and my beloved old apartment was vacant, I could outline a professional and social life that I could walk right into-it was an offer of SF on a silver platter. But I simply wasn’t interested. It was like appreciating the beauty and charm of an old lover-I see what she’s got, but I’ve moved on. The SF-related angst that has quietly gnawed away at some part of me since I chose not to go back in 2005 (there’s no place like it and I’d love to live there again, but xyz reasons) fell away. Whoa.
I already talked about burning man a bit in a separate post. The art was amazing, I saw a lot of people I really love, and met others I love now. I did a lot of solo wandering and tried to lean into any discomfort I experienced doing so, rather than covering it with crowds and overstimulation. As a result, I had a lot of interesting (if fleeting) interactions that I would not have otherwise had.
I returned to Melbourne thoroughly in love with my life here. For possibly the first time in my life, when I look around my life I am pleased with all the pieces and with how I am contributing to the world around me. While I am strongly tied to relationships in other places, there is no place else I would rather be at the moment. I am happy in my career and in my (current lack of) primary relationship, which have both been sticking points at various times. I feel like I am giving my gift to the world both professionally and in my relationships. I am fit, healthy, financially sorted, HAPPY, challenged and engaged. This is a profound change, and basically as close to content as Rivet gets. Again: whoa.
I am currently subletting my friend Steph’s place until the start of November. It is bigger than I need, but I’m super stoked to know that I’m going to be in the same place for a while, in a neighbourhood I know but will enjoy getting to know better. Also, I have a bunch of friends within a few blocks radius. I’ve been buying ingredients, cooking, having people over for dinner.
Having unexpectedly thought a lot about what I want in a space over the coming year, I surprised myself by taking up an offer live for the summer in a nearby burner house with Maddock and another friend. It is 2 interconnected rooms with a sleeping loft, which gives me the opportunity to create my own private domain within a shared house-I *think* this will allow me to buffer myself from the weird random dramas that happen in shared space. Unlike many shared housing arrangements, it gives me the opportunity to have short term houseguests not in my bedroom. It has an amazing food garden that someone else (Maddock) tends, a serviceable kitchen that sees heavy use because people enjoy cooking and sharing food, and is right around the corner from where I am currently. This is sort of the boundary of the zone in which I’d like to live, but I’m willing to give it a go. The house is a social space, and sees a lot of traffic from people I like. As a bonus, it’s supercheap compared to my living costs over the last… 5-6 years(?), which frees up a lot of resources to do other stuff. I pitched them terms of a trial through summer, and they were content with that, so it’s not a huge commitment. It’s the opportunity to try something I haven’t done in many years, and see if I can make it fit (while still having alternatives if it does not). My remaining stuff is stored only a few blocks away, so it will be an easy move over a couple weeks’ time. I can get stuff set up while I’m still staying here at Steph’s, and when she and Nick come back, I’ll have them as neighbours as well!
The trip to SF was rocky at the start, but awesome and deeply affirming by the end. I spent a lot of the first week feeling strangely alienated, since I was neither in my own life nor properly on holiday. I cycled between ‘I feel rubbish/jetlagged in a way that would be addressed by sunshine on my skin and connection with people’ and ‘I’m on the clock, I should be working’ (later, rinse, repeat). After slogging through that for a week, it was frustrating to have a bunch of work demands spontaneously erupt in the second week which prevented me from seeing some people that I really wanted to see [Rune, I’ll be in touch with you separately with an apology and counteroffer].
I enjoyed some of my favourite culinary delights, but fewer than I would have if I was not travelling alone. I caught up with some people who are part of my past, but don’t really engage current Jodi. While it’s nice to find out what people are up to, those interactions felt a bit like squandered time. As people started to roll into town for the burn, I caught up with them; it seems strange to me to travel the other side of the world and then see people you can see at home, but that’s where the sense of connection and tribe was. I caught up with some people from my past whose company I continue to find engaging and entertaining-these people are lifelong friends, and we can just pick up wherever we are. I caught up with my chosen family, staying in one of the 2-3 houses on this planet that feel ‘home’. Through circumstances, I ended up spending the first 10 days in the downstairs apartment that Allyn and I lived in 1993-98(?). I remembered how much I loved that apartment, and how it is basically exactly what I want for myself if living alone-2 comfortable rooms to separate work from sleep, ample kitchen and storage, natural light. As a minimalist, I don’t really need that much space. But if I have it, I’ll fill it. [Use of space was an unexpected recurring mental theme through this trip (which I guess makes sense given that I’m trying to construct an independent life from the ground up in Melbourne based on what *I* need when not part of a ‘we’).]
I spent time with Will and heard about his experiences in SF. We had some emotional discussions, as well as some fun times. I was reminded of the things I really love and appreciate about him, as well as the very valid reasons that we are not together. I feel reconnected with that relationship in a different way after taking much-needed distance from it, and generally feel much more at ease and content with our split than I did a month ago, which is an un-looked-for bonus to the whole thing.
I had fun times in SF: I enjoyed some perfect weather, remembered that I have some awesome people there, and appreciated the culinary/commercial/cultural boons available few other places in the world. I was offered an (implied) cushy job, and my beloved old apartment was vacant, I could outline a professional and social life that I could walk right into-it was an offer of SF on a silver platter. But I simply wasn’t interested. It was like appreciating the beauty and charm of an old lover-I see what she’s got, but I’ve moved on. The SF-related angst that has quietly gnawed away at some part of me since I chose not to go back in 2005 (there’s no place like it and I’d love to live there again, but xyz reasons) fell away. Whoa.
I already talked about burning man a bit in a separate post. The art was amazing, I saw a lot of people I really love, and met others I love now. I did a lot of solo wandering and tried to lean into any discomfort I experienced doing so, rather than covering it with crowds and overstimulation. As a result, I had a lot of interesting (if fleeting) interactions that I would not have otherwise had.
I returned to Melbourne thoroughly in love with my life here. For possibly the first time in my life, when I look around my life I am pleased with all the pieces and with how I am contributing to the world around me. While I am strongly tied to relationships in other places, there is no place else I would rather be at the moment. I am happy in my career and in my (current lack of) primary relationship, which have both been sticking points at various times. I feel like I am giving my gift to the world both professionally and in my relationships. I am fit, healthy, financially sorted, HAPPY, challenged and engaged. This is a profound change, and basically as close to content as Rivet gets. Again: whoa.
I am currently subletting my friend Steph’s place until the start of November. It is bigger than I need, but I’m super stoked to know that I’m going to be in the same place for a while, in a neighbourhood I know but will enjoy getting to know better. Also, I have a bunch of friends within a few blocks radius. I’ve been buying ingredients, cooking, having people over for dinner.
Having unexpectedly thought a lot about what I want in a space over the coming year, I surprised myself by taking up an offer live for the summer in a nearby burner house with Maddock and another friend. It is 2 interconnected rooms with a sleeping loft, which gives me the opportunity to create my own private domain within a shared house-I *think* this will allow me to buffer myself from the weird random dramas that happen in shared space. Unlike many shared housing arrangements, it gives me the opportunity to have short term houseguests not in my bedroom. It has an amazing food garden that someone else (Maddock) tends, a serviceable kitchen that sees heavy use because people enjoy cooking and sharing food, and is right around the corner from where I am currently. This is sort of the boundary of the zone in which I’d like to live, but I’m willing to give it a go. The house is a social space, and sees a lot of traffic from people I like. As a bonus, it’s supercheap compared to my living costs over the last… 5-6 years(?), which frees up a lot of resources to do other stuff. I pitched them terms of a trial through summer, and they were content with that, so it’s not a huge commitment. It’s the opportunity to try something I haven’t done in many years, and see if I can make it fit (while still having alternatives if it does not). My remaining stuff is stored only a few blocks away, so it will be an easy move over a couple weeks’ time. I can get stuff set up while I’m still staying here at Steph’s, and when she and Nick come back, I’ll have them as neighbours as well!