Wow.
Well, I was just reading some of my old journal entries and let me sum it up for you in one word: gay. Haha. Sad that I am saying that about myself, but it is so true. Geez. What did I ever see in Devon? Or all my other loser friends for that matter...How did I have fun?! Holy crap. The only thing about my very first entries that are the same as now is Tim. Ugh, he still drives me crazy sooo bad. I really feel like crying right now because I want to see him SO freaking bad and he's not even coming back until NEXT SUNDAY! What the frick am I going to do all damn week with him off at church camp babbling about Jesus and crap? Last night, was seriously ... amazing. We texted from 11pm to 5am when his phone finally died. I don't think I have ever liked a guy so much for so long and I swear, if when we have our first kiss there aren't little fireworks going off in my head, that will suck because that is kinda how I envision it being...haha. You may think that is corny and shit, but fuck you because I want it to be that way. I want it to be beautiful. I want there to be a camera person recording it and as we kiss the do a 360 degree view. Haha. That would be pretty cool I'm not gonna lie. Anyways, ah! He said so many cute things...like if I party with him out in Chandler I can crash in his bed...with him, and we can cuddle. This song I'm listening to just came on my iTunes and I literally got the chills all over. Weird since this song reminds Lauren of Jeff in a bad way, it now reminds me of Tim in a great way. Although it still makes me want to cry because HELLO he's all the way over there in fucking Fresno...cool, not. Stupid son of a bitch. Ha, just kidding. I really want a cigarette right now, not even kidding. I think I'm going to have to go and buy some which kinda sucks because I just bought some yesterday, but eh oh well you win some you lose some. Ugh!!! Please, please, please, please let this week go by faster than any week ever has in the history of time. Haha. Because I really just want to go to Flag for the weekend, get super trashed/stoned, and then come back to Glendale and make out with the most gorgeous man, with the best personality and the sexiest voice ever....named Tim. <3
I swear, I joke how I would tell him I love him if we went out for like 2 weeks just so we could have sex....but I'm starting to think I might actually mean it. Haha, wow...I am losing my mind. I can't believe I jsut said that. Well hopefully he doesn't read this haha.