To my beacons..

[riversprite]

Thank you to the couple of you out there who keep checking in on me. Without you I think it would be all too easy for me to succumb to the darkness. Too easy (im tired of fighting) to let go and fall back into that deep dark hole that had a hold of me for several years after my dad died.

Without you and your warm words, telling me how special I am, and making me feel loved, I know I would fade into the darknss.. Letting it take hold of me, planting its roots. Enveloping me. There is an eerie comfort there, in the midst of the darkness when you have admitted defeat and stop caring.
Without care, there is no pain. No disappointment.

But also without care, there is no laughter. There is no love.

I am trying to keep my eyes focused on the faint glimmers - Fearing that if I look away, even if but for a second, I will never find my way home.

You know.. I had thought, or rather was foolish enough to think, that after making it through hell and back, experiencing in a few months the pain and loss that it may take others a lifetime to know. To come out of that still standing, still able to love and trust, still able to look at the world through a child's eyes..

I dont know what I thought anymore..

Stopping now because my thank you is turning into ramblings of me feeling sorry for myself - wondering if I will ever...