or brown...
oh you've got green eyes, oh you've got blue eyes, oh you've got grey eyes. And I've never seen anyone quite like you before.
This weekend has been employee appreciation at Borders so I've spent an exorbitant amount of money, since it's my last. I gave Suzanne my notice, that July 31 will be my last day and she was very nice about it and very excited for me... I wasn't sure what to expect. She isn't the warmest person in the world. So, anyway, I now own New Order's Substance, which is lovely, amongst a few others. A workbook about self-esteem, Get With the Program, A Backdoor GD to Short Term Job Adventures (for when I graduate since I don't know what I want to do at this point), a student planner with Frodo on the cover:), a journal for London, and two books called Culture Shock! for London and Britain. Plan to read those before I leave, in hopes that it will help me acclimate more easily. We shall see;)
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean last night with Lindsay and Emily... It was absolutely hilarious and enjoyable for what it was. Very light and entertaining. And I realize that I will be revealing the sixteen-year-old in me when I say this, but here goes: Orlando Bloom is beautiful. My oh my. Those brown eyes... just stunning. Quite.
Lindsay and I have been talking about love and relationships a lot lately. She's interested in Alex, a co-worker of hers. He's sweet and not afraid to be silly and they have much in common. I saw that she was developing feelings for him and poor dear, she couldn't believe I could see it. She was embarrassed about it, said it made it feel more real once it had been said. She's afraid that once school comes, she won't see him again. Mostly, she just wants to maintain a friendship, beyond the amicable work relationship. But she feels like if she were to ask him to hang out, he would interpret that as something more than a friendly invitation. And she's tired of meeting guys who are wonderful and seem interested and tired of her being the only one who tries to building a more lasting friendship. I completely understand that frustration, but I have no idea what advice to give. She doesn't want to be hurt again, but I know that she (and I) needs to stick her neck out. Is it possible for a man and a woman to be friends without sex, not literally, but sort of the knowledge or sense that there might be something else between you, always lurking in the background? I know that this is something I've found... in that I have this tendency to consider men as potential mates when I first meet them. It's certainly not the best approach, nor I'd venture very healthy. It puts this expectation on a relationship that hasn't even begun yet. I'm working on this;)
I've always held love up to be the ultimate goal... such a romantic since I discovered what love could be, that really the only thing I've known that I wanted truly and completely was someone to love and to love me. No other target has been certain. I mean, I saw Sense and Sensibility (the movie that threw me into romanticism as well as literature) I saw love and the exquisite pain and I knew this was what life is about. How very Marianne Dashwood of me. I've been a weird mixture of sense and sensibility; Marianne and Elinor sort of intertwined. Longing for love but extremely careful with my heart. Like Marianne, for so long I had been a sucker for tragedies. Why? I don't want my love to end in tragedy. I don't want love to be painful. I certainly should stick with Elinor.
Anyway, the whole reason I brought this up was to illustrate the fact that I have had no other concrete wish for myself except to find the love of my life. Not that I want to just be some good man's wife, but just finding that love. And certainly I want to be a wife and mother. But I want other things to; I want to do something with my life. Not be so hung up on love anymore. Come to find fulfillment not simply through another person's validation of me. After S&S, I began to read more and thought I wanted to be a writer. I have outlines of a story, my "first novel" from freshmen year of high school. I'd written no more than the first three pages of the book and barely wrote anything else, except for what was necessary for classes. I wanted to be a writer, a sheltered, innocent girl who didn't write. Didn't have stories swirling through her mind. Nothing except for a death for life experience. I don't really want that anymore. I enjoy writing, but I don't have characters begging me to be expressed on the page... I don't have the desire to create tragedy anymore. I think that I used to wallow in darkness too much. I don't want that anymore. I want hope and truth and goodness and of course I still want love. I want to be able communicate with everyone around me. I want feel fulfilled.
This sounds more dire than I intended. I'm just realizing a lot of things and working to change and grow and become the person I'm intended to be. It's difficult work;)
This weekend has been employee appreciation at Borders so I've spent an exorbitant amount of money, since it's my last. I gave Suzanne my notice, that July 31 will be my last day and she was very nice about it and very excited for me... I wasn't sure what to expect. She isn't the warmest person in the world. So, anyway, I now own New Order's Substance, which is lovely, amongst a few others. A workbook about self-esteem, Get With the Program, A Backdoor GD to Short Term Job Adventures (for when I graduate since I don't know what I want to do at this point), a student planner with Frodo on the cover:), a journal for London, and two books called Culture Shock! for London and Britain. Plan to read those before I leave, in hopes that it will help me acclimate more easily. We shall see;)
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean last night with Lindsay and Emily... It was absolutely hilarious and enjoyable for what it was. Very light and entertaining. And I realize that I will be revealing the sixteen-year-old in me when I say this, but here goes: Orlando Bloom is beautiful. My oh my. Those brown eyes... just stunning. Quite.
Lindsay and I have been talking about love and relationships a lot lately. She's interested in Alex, a co-worker of hers. He's sweet and not afraid to be silly and they have much in common. I saw that she was developing feelings for him and poor dear, she couldn't believe I could see it. She was embarrassed about it, said it made it feel more real once it had been said. She's afraid that once school comes, she won't see him again. Mostly, she just wants to maintain a friendship, beyond the amicable work relationship. But she feels like if she were to ask him to hang out, he would interpret that as something more than a friendly invitation. And she's tired of meeting guys who are wonderful and seem interested and tired of her being the only one who tries to building a more lasting friendship. I completely understand that frustration, but I have no idea what advice to give. She doesn't want to be hurt again, but I know that she (and I) needs to stick her neck out. Is it possible for a man and a woman to be friends without sex, not literally, but sort of the knowledge or sense that there might be something else between you, always lurking in the background? I know that this is something I've found... in that I have this tendency to consider men as potential mates when I first meet them. It's certainly not the best approach, nor I'd venture very healthy. It puts this expectation on a relationship that hasn't even begun yet. I'm working on this;)
I've always held love up to be the ultimate goal... such a romantic since I discovered what love could be, that really the only thing I've known that I wanted truly and completely was someone to love and to love me. No other target has been certain. I mean, I saw Sense and Sensibility (the movie that threw me into romanticism as well as literature) I saw love and the exquisite pain and I knew this was what life is about. How very Marianne Dashwood of me. I've been a weird mixture of sense and sensibility; Marianne and Elinor sort of intertwined. Longing for love but extremely careful with my heart. Like Marianne, for so long I had been a sucker for tragedies. Why? I don't want my love to end in tragedy. I don't want love to be painful. I certainly should stick with Elinor.
Anyway, the whole reason I brought this up was to illustrate the fact that I have had no other concrete wish for myself except to find the love of my life. Not that I want to just be some good man's wife, but just finding that love. And certainly I want to be a wife and mother. But I want other things to; I want to do something with my life. Not be so hung up on love anymore. Come to find fulfillment not simply through another person's validation of me. After S&S, I began to read more and thought I wanted to be a writer. I have outlines of a story, my "first novel" from freshmen year of high school. I'd written no more than the first three pages of the book and barely wrote anything else, except for what was necessary for classes. I wanted to be a writer, a sheltered, innocent girl who didn't write. Didn't have stories swirling through her mind. Nothing except for a death for life experience. I don't really want that anymore. I enjoy writing, but I don't have characters begging me to be expressed on the page... I don't have the desire to create tragedy anymore. I think that I used to wallow in darkness too much. I don't want that anymore. I want hope and truth and goodness and of course I still want love. I want to be able communicate with everyone around me. I want feel fulfilled.
This sounds more dire than I intended. I'm just realizing a lot of things and working to change and grow and become the person I'm intended to be. It's difficult work;)