Jinxed myself, perhaps
So I think I spoke too soon a couple of weeks ago when in essence I was gloating about the fact that I had my (body) skin under control vis a vis my eczema and contact dermatitis and ridiculous sensitivity to being so much as looked at the wrong way. Fuuuuuuck but I am in not in very good shape. I am so itchy that I might have to start wearing gloves to bed so I don't bloody myself. So itchy that even the mildest unscented fragrance-free deodorant feels like I am applying liquid fire under my arms (sorry if TMI, but true). So itchy that I'm back to using fucking Cetaphil soap in the shower and coating myself with either Vaseline Intensive Care fragrance-free or Eucerin in the tub or both twice a day. So itchy that I've actually broken out the steroid cream and been using it, which I avoid at all other costs since I think it's a black box medication. I'm getting some sort of rash on my right hand which makes me want to cry because if I have to look at this eczema (the rest of it is covered by clothes and fortunately doesn't look bad at all, just hurts me) I am going to start thinking of myself as The Singing Detective.
I know what's causing this but unfortunately it's all stuff that I can do very little about: I can't avoid the steam heat in this 70 year old goddamned apartment, I can't not go outside with the kids and stand around in the frigid cold, but one of the biggest issues is that I've been taking two showers a day for most of the week. Now, I know that this is terrible for my skin but I sort of have to do it; I exercise at night because I don't have time in the mornings and it helps me sleep better. I shower afterwards because, I mean, firstly it's gross if I don't, and secondly if I don't I get a rash. (I shower every morning because I can't wake up if I don't and my hair really can look like Marie Antoinette-level nuts if I sleep on it.) So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place - give up exercising which improves my mood, my stamina, helps me to sleep and boosts my self-esteem but is making life in my skin almost unbearable, or keep exercising and attempting not to gouge myself with my nails until I bleed. I stepped on the scale for the first time in months tonight and saw that I had dropped some weight, so I can tell you which option my fat little ass is not giving up...
Anyway, I know this is whining, but it's bad and hard to live with. I was in the shower this morning and thought about a story I had read where this guy was skinless thanks to some war atrocity but had been coated with a bleeding retardant and went about his life otherwise. I was envying this guy pretty hard...