Pills, Booze, and Exploitation

[riverlad]

Drawing by the lovely P L Nunn
   Please do not reproduce or alter without
permission of the artist.
title: Pills, Booze, and Exploitation
author: riverlad
pairing(s): Gojyo/Sanzo
rating: Mature.  Not Worksafe.  Language.  Drug and Alcohol use.  Implied M/M sex
comments:  A bit of mid-week entertainment for my two cherubs, missingkitsune and befanini. 
summary:  "You know I don't like watching my friends commit slow suicide.  I'm funny that way."  Sanzo and Gojyo have an intervention.
All Welcome



Pills, Booze, and Exploitation

"Fancy some more, hon?"

The woman behind the bar asked Gojyo the question while leaning her upper body across the lacquered bar, directly in front of his face.  She wore a black short sleeved shirt, which she had knotted just under her large breasts, a red lace bra peeking out, protruding toward him.

"No thanks sweething," he said smiling crookedly, signalling he understood exactly what was being offered to him.

"We're about to close.  I don't live too far.  We could have some laughs," she said putting her
hands on her hips and licking her lips.

"A gracious offer.  But I'm afraid I wouldn't be much company tonight," he said standing to pay his tab.  The young redheaded playboy knew how to turn down a sexual offer as smoothy as he knew how to accept one.

"Somebody waitin' up for ya'?," she asked with disappointment showing nakedly upon her face.

"I wish.  No.  But hey, thanks," he said placing some bills next to his empty glass.

The woman blinked and reached out her hand.  "Wait.  Will ya' have one last one, with me?  On the house.  Top shelf stuff.  Come on, be a sport."

Gojyo shrugged, and pressed his flat belly against edge of the bar.  The bartender smiled and
slapped her hand on the surface the bar. "Well, alright!," she said turning to the bar shelves behind her.  She stood on tiptoe and reached for a bottle with a gold label marked with o's and x's.  She placed two glasses on the bar and began to pour with a skilled bartender's flair.

Winking at Gojyo, she held the bottle high above the glasses.  The qolden liquid flowed gracefully into the glasses, and with a flick of her wrist the flow stopped.

"You've got a mighty steady hand there," Gojyo said smiling.

"Just showing off some of my skills," she said setting the bottle down.

"I'm impressed," Gojyo said picking up his glass.

"What should we drink to?" she asked.

"Love, life, death, with adulterous lips," he said clinking his glass with hers.

They drank reverently and sighed at the same time.  The bar was empty now and quiet.  Gojyo looked around at empty tables laded with glasses, bottles, and cards.  Just a little while ago in his life, he would've considered this a prime opportunity.  Closing time, with a hot woman offering to take him home.  A hot woman bartender, no less.

He looked back at the woman and realized he hadn't even noticed the color of her hair or the shade of her eyes.  What ever.  Her hair wasn't a thick mass of blond layers framing a hauntingly beautiful face.  Her eyes weren't the pure violet no flower could compare to.

"So, how long you been in love?" she asked knowingly.

"A while," he said lowering his head, allowing his hair to obscure his face.

"When did you know?" she asked taking another drink.

"I'd like to think it was after I'd known him for a while.  But really, it was the first moment I opened my door and saw him standing there."

"Oh, it's like that hmmm?  Well, at least I know I didn't lose out to another woman, she said smiling."

Gojyo drank the rest of his drink and pushed himself away from the bar. He stuck his hands in his two front black jean pockets, and leaned his head to the side looking at his new friend.

"Hey, thanks. You're a nice lady," he said sincerely.

"Don't mention it hon, come back again."

"Probably not likely.  Me and my friends are just pasting through," he said walking toward the door.

"Well, drop back by on your way out of town if ya' can. Ask for May.  I wanna meet that boyfriend of yours," she said waving goodbye.

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend. He don't care a thing about me." he said, never breaking stride.

The sleepy town was mostly shut down now Gojyo observed.  He had the luxury of walking back to the inn alone with his thoughts.  He leaned against a light post and lit up a cigarette.  He took a deep drag and blew the smoke out in a steady stream.  "My boyfriend, she said," he mumbled.

The tall redhead raised one foot against the pole and lowered his head.  He thought how different things were from just a  couple of months ago.  Before that night Sanzo had drunkenly kissed him and demanded  that he have sex with him.  Of course he had refused.  He had too much respect and love for the beautiful monk to take him in such a state.

Gojyo had firmly said no, and put the beautiful monk to bed whispering, "Go to sleep Sanzo. The rules demand we both be sober for that kind of pleasure."

Sanzo had fallen asleep quickly and Gojyo had stayed awake a long time simply watching the blond.  He was pretty sure Sanzo was a virgin.  When he fantasized about making love to Sanzo, which he did often, it was always something beautiful. He wanted to take care of Sanzo and make it as pleasurable as the heavens would allow.

He'd hoped for a little celestial charity if that time came.  Gods, to have the time to love on Sanzo, to discover Sanzo, he'd give anything for that.  To have taken him while he was drunk and out of it would've been catastrophic.

Besides, Sanzo hadn't seemed to have remembered anything about any of it the next day.  They all had breakfast together, and got back on the road.  He and Goku still got slammed up side the head with Sanzo's harisen. Hakkai drove and tried to keep the peace.  All normal for them.

When they arrived at the next town, a dental surgery was sought because Sanzo had a severe toothache.  Turned out Sanzo had to have oral surgery, and they ended up having to stay in that town for several days.

Impressed by high monk's status, the surgeon had prescribed a ton of pain killers and sleeping pills to keep him comfortable.  Strong stuff, that Hakkai had doled out very sparingly, until Sanzo took all the bottles, saying he didn't need a monitorial flunky.

That's when it started.  That's how the whole mess began. Now Sanzo was addicted to a wicked combination of barbiturates, sedatives, and sleeping pills.  Of all the things any of them could've expected, none of them ever saw this coming.

In the old days, when he hung around with Banri and the lot, he had known addicts.  Hell, he had seen Banri smoke, drink, shoot up, and snort anything that was put in front of him, at least once. The man was always looking for the next high, the next score.

Gojyo didn't get having your brain fragmented in all directions from dope. Or letting your mind fall into brain purgatory. Sex and good drink were enough for him. When he engaged in sex, he wanted to be right there in it. He needed to feel when he touched another person, conflicts be damned. Not then, not during the pleasure.

He had tried talking to Sanzo, but the man didn't want to hear anything he had to say.  He had never thought well of Gojyo, now the lack of appreciation was a hundred fold. Gojyo wondered about all the teachings and meditations Sanzo knew.  Couldn't he simply call on that stuff now?  A Sanzo priest carried some serious juice.  He knew that for a fact.  And Sanzo being the choosen of the gods, that was a force not to be messed with. Wasn't there some kind of holy magic he could summon to break the grip the drugs?

Finishing his cigarette along the way, Gojyo walked until he found himself in front of the inn they were staying at.  He entered the small empty lobby and walked into the sitting area.  The end of a golden red fire burned in the fire place, drinking up the last of the room's light.

He leaned an arm on the mantle and bumped his forehead several times against it.  The inn was quiet, save a few slow crackles from the dying fire.  This was a pleasant town, and the inn keeper and his wife had been very accommodating.  The four travelers all had their own rooms, and he had seen the only other guest check out that afternoon.

Realizing he was suddenly tired, Gojyo turned and walked up the stairs toward the rooms. He stopped in front of Goku's door and placed his hand on the cold wood.  He could hear the boy's snores softly vibrating through the door.  He was glad the monkey was getting some sleep.

Goku had developed problems since this thing with Sanzo started.  His powerful appetite was still there, but he showed no pleasure in eating.  He ate with a remote look in his gold eyes, as if he were searching for something he had lost.  He stuttered now.  It was involuntary, and something which embarrassed him sorely.

He now kept talking to a minimum.  In restaurants, he mostly pointed to what he wanted.  Even on the battlefield, there were no quick comments or smart remarks as he clobbered demons with his Nyoi-Bo.  Gojyo missed the cheerful monkey.

Across the hall, Gojyo saw that Hakkai's door was slightly ajar.  He stealthly approached and peered in.

"Come in, Gojyo," Hakkai said softly.

"Oh, hey, I didn't mean to disturb ya' Kai," Gojyo said stepping into the room.

"I was just reading," Hakkai said closing his book, and patting Hakuryu's head.

He had been sitting in an overstuffed recliner chair.  As he stood and stretched, the little dragon cooed and nuzzled into the newly vacated spot.  Relaxing into the warmth still remaining, he shut his eyes and cooed again.

The two men stood in front of each other and looked at the floor.  Hakkai folding his arms in front of his chest, and Gojyo stuffing his hands into his front pockets.

"Well, I was gonna turn in, knock out some Z's. Goodnight Hakkai," Gojyo said turning to leave.

"Yes.  Goodnight Gojyo.  Sleep well," Hakkai said looking up at his friend.

Gojyo stopped and faced Hakkai once again.  What was it about those green eyes that looked so tender and yet remote? He knew the man well enough to know he wanted to ask something of him. Their means of communication having been set long ago when they shared their simple cabin.

"Ok, Kai.  What?" Gojyo asked.

Without hesitation, Hakkai blurted out his request.  "Will you check on him Gojyo?"

He knew who the "him" was of course. At that moment, he really thought he could hate Sanzo.  The monk had caused his friend to worry himself sick.  He was the cause of Goku's nerves being shot all to hell.  He had been the reason the structure of their group had changed. And he had broken a fervent, half breed heart.

It had all been for what?  Pills?  The massive amounts of booze he drank down with them?  A high he was always reaching for?  Or was it numbness the priest sought?  Looking at the healer's tortured face, it was hard to feel compassion for the man he knew he loved.

Sanzo had become an addict with the same arrogance he had in all other aspects of his life.  As far as Gojyo could see, he was choosing to be singularly absent.  Sanzo still handled his shoureiju with a brutal precision in the field.  But the three other fighters could no longer depend on him for a righteous shoot.  Because the three could never be sure he was 100%, they took extra care to have his back.  Which pissed him off royally.

"It's not like I can walk in his room, ask him how he's doing and walk out again, Kai.  He's always disliked me.  He ain't about to listen to shit I have to say now.  And I'm too tired to get shot at tonight," Gojyo said.

"You couldn't be more wrong, my friend," Hakkai asserted.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Hakkai pointedly looked at Gojyo.

"Do you deny you have feelings for him?" Hakkai asked.

Catching Gojyo's helpless gaze, he stepped closer to the tall man.

"It's alright to admit it Gojyo.  You have in your heart the goodness for which a lonely heart searches.  You know, I've never known you to back down from anything important to you.  Is he important to you?" Hakkai asked.

Gojyo knew it would be wrong to pretend with Hakkai.  But what good would it do to voice something so hopeless?  Sanzo would never love him.  And he certainly didn't have any power over Sanzo's pill popping and drinking.  He didn't know how the drugs had made Sanzo such easy prey, but he knew he was helpless to do anything about it.

"I was hoping the gods would take mercy on me, take the feelings away.  But, there ain't shit I can do about it, Kai. I'm in love with the bastard."

"Go to him. Just go.  I'll be up for a while.  If you want, you can come back and talk about it, however it goes," Hakkai said.

Sanzo's troubles had severed the faith they had in him.  Certainly, the battle trust was gone  But Gojyo still trusted Hakkai.  Wordlessly, he turned and walked to the door.

"Get some sleep Hakkai," Gojyo sighed.

"Gojyo, I left a tray of food and some medicinal tea at his door. I know the odds you feel you face, but it is so important that he eats something now.  The tea has curative cleansing properties. Please try to get him to drink it.  I'll be here, praying for you both."

A response to that burned in Gojyo's throat, but he felt his friend's sincerity.  He resented the fact that Hakkai was still a true believer.  He assumed, in the long run, that the gods were still looking after them.  Gojyo had given up those givens the first time he had seen Sanzo so strung out on pills and booze he struck Goku for crying in front of him.

Gojyo had wanted to knock Sanzo's teeth down his throat.  But Hakkai had taken that option away by pulling the doped up monk away and putting him in bed.  Later, he explained that Sanzo wasn't responsible for his actions.  But Sanzo was responsible for this, on some level, wasn't he?

Addiction or not, the monk still knew right from wrong, didn't he?  Did drugs take away? He knew that demons lost their sense of self, their faculties could no longer recognize right or wrong.  Once hit by the Minus Wave, there was no good or bad left.  Just a bloodlust and dark rage. Evil. It was what defined demons, wasn't it?  Sanzo was better than that.  The priest was beyond chaos.

Gojyo realized he had been standing in the same spot a little too long.

"Remember me to the gods Kai," he said walking out the door.

Walking down the cream colored hallway Gojyo appreciated the homely feeling the inn had. There were pictures of flowers in fields and trees changing through the seasons on the walls.  The inn keeper's wife kept fresh flowers in vases atop small tables that were dotted along the walls.

If things had been different, Sanzo could've stayed safe in the temple at Chang' an.  He could've carried out his duties as High Priest and lived a protected life.  Instead, this journey had thrown him into a brutal and violent world.  The bossy gods probably would've still found a way to screw his monk over though. In some ways Sanzo was like a beautiful glorified errand boy.

Buddhism was supposed to emphasize mercy and non-killing.  But his high orders had turned Sanzo into a killing machine.  The bitterness Gojyo had begun to feel about the hypocrisy of it all stung his eyes.

"Sanzo," he whispered.

He reached the end of the hallway where Sanzo's room was located.  "Best view in the house," the inn keeper had said bowing to Sanzo.  And it was.  The large room had a small terrace which looked out over the hills and lush landscape of the city. The hills were covered in flowers Hakkai had said were nasturtiums. Red and yellow played across the hilltops weaved between green grass.

The room had it's own fireplace that Hakkai kept wood burning in because, these days, Sanzo was always cold. Gojyo stepped closer to the door and almost tripped over a serving tray on the floor in front of it.

"Oh yeah, the tray," he mumbled.

He picked up the carefully made tray and smirked. Hakkai had placed a delicate tea pot with  matching cups on the tray along with artfully prepared food. The healer had gone to so much trouble to prepare something Gojyo knew the priest would never notice. Hakkai had even folded a linen napkin into a pretty shape of a fan for the priest.

When he and Hakkai shared the cabin, he had prepared dinners and garnished them with beautifully carved cucumbers and carrot rosettes for gods sake! Once, he had even tried to give Gojyo a tutorial on artful napkin folding. But Gojyo got lost and frustrated trying to fold something Hakkai had called "A bird of Paradise." Still, he had always made sure Hakkai knew how much he appreciated it all, although it seemed to embarrass the man.

Suddenly filled with a rush of anger he didn't quite know came from, he kicked the monk's door with his foot.  To his amazement the door popped open.  He took a deep breath, and walked in the room.

Time to do battle with the monk.

"Sanzo!" Gojyo called out looking around the silent room.

"Come out. I ain't got time for this shit. Hakkai's made you a tray of food that you're damn well gonna eat," Gojyo said setting the tray down on the large linen covered table beside the fireplace.

The door to the bathroom was open and Gojyo could see Sanzo wasn't in it.  The wood in the fireplace popped and made Gojyo jump.  He pulled a hand through his red hair and turned to face the bay windows in the room.

"Damned monk is gonna make us all crazy," he said squinting at he reflections from the terrace.  Soft, amber colored lights reflected from the town's street lights and he could see a few tall trees swaying in the evening breeze. He saw a flutter of white and drew closer to the windows.

"Sanzo?" he called out cautiously.

Sanzo entered the room from the terrace door stumbling and snatching mostly air as he made his way into the room. He took baby steps slowly, then quick wobbly steps in a zigzagged pattern that made him look like he was walking a gauntlet which put him in great peril.

Gojyo noted that even drugged, the handsome bastard still looked graceful and absolutely fuckable. He wanted to help the monk to a chair or the bed, but kept hands off.  He knew Sanzo would recoil from his touch.  Besides, he was angry with this wasted, bony assed, love of his life before him.

He needed his anger now.  He was on a mission.  He was going to make Sanzo eat the food and drink the tea.  Eat the food and drink the tea, Gojyo repeated in his mind. The mantra steadied him a bit as he watched the golden duckling stumble to cushioned chair like the one in Hakkai's room, and flop down.

Eat the food and drink the tea, he thought as he squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them, Sanzo was looking up at him from the chair, the violet eyes reflecting the soft flames from the fireplace.  Gojyo felt a thrill that made his breath hesitate. Dear love, he wanted to call out. The delicacy of Sanzo's features made him look so young in the dim light of the room.  A hurt little boy starved for something he couldn't name.

"Sanzo," he said softly.

"What the fuck to you want?" Sanzo demanded harshly snapping Gojyo out of his sad musings.

"Hakkai made you some food and tea which you are gonna eat and drink," he said firmly.

"Get the hell out of here, you bastard!" Sanzo demanded working his mouth like he had something  stuck in his teeth.

Gojyo flipped on the light switch and approached Sanzo slowly.

"What have you got in your mouth?" Gojyo inquired searching the monk's face.

"None of your..." Sanzo tried to talk, as two cherry red capsules slid down his chin.

"What the fuck?  You gonna throw it in my face like that, huh?  You're actually gonna sit right in front of me and swallow gods damned pills?  You sorry bastard!" Gojyo yelled incensed.

He leaped toward Sanzo and grabbed his chin.  Swiping the capsules to the floor, he squeezed Sanzo's lips until they formed a twisted fish gape.  Sanzo bared his teeth and tried to snap his head away from the strong hands.

"What else have you got in your mouth, huh? Open your fucking mouth now before I knock your mother fucking teeth out!" Gojyo threatened.

Sanzo's eyes slid half closed and his mouth relaxed slightly.  Gojyo ceased  the opportunity and stuck his hand in Sanzo's mouth. When he withdrew his hand there were at least a half dozen pills in his hand. He flung his catch into the fire and continued to force Sanzo's mouth open.

"Gawh!" Sanzo moaned.

Gojyo tilted Sanzo's head up and eyed the inside of his mouth.  Searching the pink cavern, he saw  raw, red patches where Sanzo had let pills slowly stick and eat through the inside of his mouth.

"Gods, how could you do this to yourself?" Gojyo asked horrified.

He stepped back and looked at the monk who was now swiping drool from his chin.

"Your crazy monk ass was insane enough without adding pills and booze to the mix.  Where are the rest?  Tell me where they are, right now!  I'm not playing with you!" Gojyo said bracing Sanzo by his shoulders.  He made the tactical error of leaving Sanzo's hands free, and soon he felt the handgun at his chin.

"Get your fucking hands off me," Sanzo said slowly with a slight slur.

Gojyo boldly yanked the gun away from Sanzo, something he knew he wouldn't have ever been able to do if Sanzo had been himself.  He looked around the room and decided to drop the gun in the trash can by the door for now.

Sanzo struggled wildly trying to raise himself from the over soft chair which seemed to prevent him from grabbing something firm to push himself up with. In a flash, Goyjo was standing before him again.

"Sit the fuck back down," he yelled.

At first, Sanzo froze and sank back down into the chair. Then he seemed to come to himself and struggled once again, this time managing to stand and raise his fist to Gojyo.  The taller man intercepted the blow and took both of Sanzo's wrists in hand.

"Don't make me fucking slap you.  Or is that what you want, you sick fuck?  You wanna be hurt?  Well, I'm not the one, dutchess," he said pushing Sanzo away from him.

Sanzo massaged his wrists where they had been held.

"You vicious beast!  Get out!" Sanzo said swaying badly now.

"So you can swallow pills and drink yourself into a coma?" Gojyo said kicking sake bottles he just noticed littering the floor.

"You know, I don't like watching my friends commit slow suicide.  I'm funny that way.  One more time.  Where are those fucking pills?"

"Hah! Friends. We've never been friends. You don't give a shit about me.  You could care less if I died.  The only reason you're on this mission is to be near your oh so beloved Hakkai. Why don't you just run the fuck off with him?  Go on!  Get, you mangy dog! Go off with Hakkai, or one of those whores you're always falling in love with.  Get married for all I care. Just go!" Sanzo screamed and stalked into the bathroom locking the door.

It didn't even take 30 seconds for Gojyo to knock the door down.  Within that time, Sanzo had poured a hand full of yellow capsules in his mouth. The monk sank to the floor and backed up against  the bathtub when he looked up and saw Gojyo.  His mouth open in shock, he tried to scoot away from the red head, pulling a white pillow case with him.

The scene was so mad, Gojyo didn't know what to do first. He gathered a strong handful of Sanzo's blond hair and forced his head over the toilet.

"Spit those fucking pills out now!"

Sanzo shook his head and tried to swallow.  Gojyo responded by pushing Sanzo's head further
into the bowl. Sanzo's chin hit the lip of the seat and he moaned in pain.

"Sanzo!" Gojyo cried.

He pulled Sanzo's head away from the bowl and reached his hand down his throat. He pulled a hand full of bright yellow pills out of his his mouth and threw them down the toilet. Twisting his head in Gojyo's hands, Sanzo tried to pull away and free himself from his grip.

Gojyo pulled the sash from Sanzo's robe and tied the monks hands to the piping under the sink.

"You lunatic! Untie me. Now!"

Ignoring the yelling man, Gojyo picked up the white pillowcase and looked inside. There were five bottles of meds in the bag.

"Nembutal, Chloral Hydrate, Barbital, Vicodin, and Valium," he read out loud.  He looked at the enraged priest in amazement. "Where did you get all this?  It's a wonder you can stand," he said shaking his head.

"You half breed fucker! Untie me and get the hell out!" Sanzo screamed, kicking at Gojyo.

"Do you really think that's going to happen now, Sanzo?"

"It gods damn better happen!"

Walking to the toilet, Gojyo uncapped each bottle one by one and solemnly poured the contents in the toilet bowl.

"No, no, no! Don't! You bastard, I'm going to kill you!"

Eyeing the distraught monk, Gojyo slowly folded the pillow case and tossed it in the trash. "Nice carrying case," he said walking over to Sanzo and lifting his chin.  He had broken the skin there and a smear of blood was visible.

He opened the medicine cabinet and took out some bandages, cotton balls, and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. He kneeled in front of the monk and poured some of the alcohol on a cotton ball.

"This is gonna sting," he warned.  He dabbed the cotton at Sanzo's chin and the monk winced a bit.  Gojyo held his chin and inspected the cut, then threw the used cotton in the trash.

"You won't need a bandage.  It's not that bad."

Suddenly calmer, Sanzo watched Gojyo sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. Neither spoke for a long while.

"Did you mean that stuff you said?" Gojyo asked, finally breaking the silence.

"I refuse to speak while tied to the plumbing of a a bathroom sink," Sanzo said.

"Gonna play nice?" Gojyo asked.

"Why should I promise anything to you?"

"Oh yeah, right, I'm the bastard who hates you."

"Don't you?"

Gojyo stood and untied Sanzo cautiously.  He held his hand out for the monk and winced when Sanzo slapped it.  Sanzo tied the sash back around his waist, stepped over the demolished bathroom door, and walked to the bedstand and grabbed his cigarettes and a bottle of sake.

"You have got to be kidding me," Gojyo said taking the bottle.

Sanzo jumped, startled Gojyo was so close behind him.  He didn't fight for the bottle.  Lighting his cigarette, he stumbled towards the fireplace.  Once in front of the glowing fire, he hugged himself and puffed hard on his smoke.

"Cold?" Gojyo asked.

"What the fuck is your problem? Why are you pretending you care? It's annoying the hell out of me.  What? Did Hakkai send you in here to check on the mad priest? Get out. You don't give a damn about me.  Get out."

"I do give a good goddamn." Gojyo said.

"Just get out. Go get one of your whores, fuck all night.  Party. You whoring bitch!" Sanzo was suddenly screaming.

"Oh, I'm a whore? Look what you do when you're loaded on your pills and booze. I've seen you go off with those bastards, ya' know. What do you let them to you, huh?"

"That's none of your fucking business. I'm my own person!"

"When you're high, apparently you're anybody's," Gojyo smirked.

"It's none of your business!  Don't you get that, moron?"

"It's my business when you come back black and blue!"

"How dare you bring that up. Nobody asked you to get involved. It wasn't your place to beat him up, tough guy," Sanzo spat out.

"Damn straight, I kicked his ass. That fucker hit you," Gojyo said squeezing his eyes shut.

"You don't know what he did," Sanzo said tossing his cigarette into the fire.

"I know you came back to where we were staying at 3 o'clock in the morning, with the left side of your face black and blue, barely able to walk!"

"Still none of your business.  It is none of your nosy assed business.  How many times do I have to say that?  It's none of your business what I did in the last town or what I will do in the next," Sanzo said.

"What about Goku?  Is it any of his business what you do? Do you even give a fuck about him?

"You leave the saru out of this ass hole!" Sanzo yelled shrilly, putting his hands up to his ears.

"No, you leave him the fuck out of it!" Gojyo said pulling Sanzo's hands away from his ears. "You don't think he sees what your're doing? Come on, Sanzo, the kid's worried to death.  He's developed a stutter for god's sake!  Or haven't you noticed that you self absorbed prick?"

Sanzo blinked and looked at Gojyo with a brief perplexion.He began to feel his way to the bed as if the room were dark, holding on to furniture along the way until he reached the large bed.  He pulled a fresh bottle of sake from under the bed and flopped down on the mattress holding the bottle tightly.

The priest slid his robes off  his shoulders taking turns holding the bottle in each hand.  He let the arms of the garment fall to his waist and reached under his pillow and pulled out a bottle of pills.

"Oh, you really do want to be slapped the fuck to the floor!" Gojyo said taking the pills and the sake.  He felt under the pillow for other bottles.  Finding none, he stood and glared down at Sanzo.

"So, you got anymore?  Tell me Sanzo, cause this shit ends tonight. Are you feelin' me? Try anything while I'm in the bathroom and I will slap the fucking taste out of your beautiful mouth," Gojyo promised.

Sanzo lowered his head until Gojyo could no longer see his eyes.  Just the shiny mop of gold that he wanted to drag his fingers through.  He felt his hand almost involuntarily reach out and hover over the monk's head.  He sighed, and turned leaving the bottle of sake on the large table.

He flushed the most recent bottle of pills and wondered if there were anymore.  Watching the toilet water swirl the small pills down the flush for a moment, he bit his lower lip and tossed his hair back.

When he returned to Sanzo, the monk hadn't seemed to have moved.  His head was still lowered, and he sat with his hands delicately folded in his lap.

"So, you ready to stop breaking all our hearts?" Gojyo asked.

Sanzo looked up at Gojyo with tears in his eyes.  Taken aback, Gojyo kneeled in front of Sanzo and looked closely into his eyes.  He wanted for all the world to take the monk in his arms, but knew that would make Sanzo go ballistic.

"You broke my heart," Sanzo said, his voice cracking.

"What?" Gojyo asked, this time risking taking Sanzo's hands in his.

Sanzo not only permitted Gojyo's touch, but squeezed his hands.  Gojyo squeezed back.

"Answer me, please Sanzo. What do you mean, I broke your heart?  When?  How?"

Sanzo looked at Gojyo bewildered.  He pulled his hands away and sat back a little.

"So, was it a joke to you?" he asked.

"Sanzo, I honestly don't know what you're talking about, really," Gojyo said sincerely.

Twisting his neck, and eye balling Gojyo intensely, Sanzo wrinkled his brow.

"You rejected me Gojyo!  You didn't want me!" Sanzo sobbed.

"I didn't want you?  When the fuck was this? Cause I'm here to tell ya', I've always wanted me some Sanzo!  Since fucking day one!"

"But, but you didn't take me that night.  The night I asked you to have sex with me. You didn't want me, you didn't want me!  I was so disqusting to you, you wouldn't touch me!" Sanzo seemed close to hysteria.

That night, along with everything that had happened in the last couple of months zoomed through Gojyo's mind. The fates were fucking with them big time.

Was it possible, that because he had made the choice not to make love to Sanzo when he was drunk, their entire little family had each had their own personal nervous break downs?

"Sanzo, listen to me..." Gojyo said, his mouth going dry.

Curling in a ball on the bed, Sanzo hugged himself, openly crying now.

"Why do you think I wanted you to think other men wanted me?  I wanted to hurt you, and make you hate me.  As long as you felt something for me.  Anything.  Just as long as you thought of me in some way.  If I couldn't be your joy.  I wanted to be your sorrow."

Gojyo looked up toward the ceiling antagonistically and said with trembling lips, "I won't cry, and I'll never forgive you for making him cry. Hear me Merciful Goddess bitch, or who ever is listening to this, probably for your amusement, I won't forgive! Don't you think I know this misunderstanding is unatural?" Gojyo yelled.

Sanzo stopped crying and sat up looking at Goyjo with a fearful awe. As Gojyo continued his tirade, his eyes widened and he clutched at the collar of his leather turtle neck.

"Are you listening, you fuckers? Look what you've sent him through, what you've sent us all through! You hurt him like this again and I will find a way to get up to the heavens and call you out! I will burn your house down! This ain't a threat, it's a promise! Ain't it enough that he lost his master, and..."

Feeling Sanzo's thin hand across his mouth, Gojyo's eyes narrowed and he looked at the monk wildly.

"Gojyo! Stop!" Sanzo said shaking.

Pulling Sanzo's hand away, he jerked his head to the side and stood face to face with the young priest.

"This needs to be said Sanzo!  They're going to keep fucking us over, no matter how hard we
work for em', I'm not scared of them."

"You should be," Sanzo said softly.

"But, all of this...it's so twisted," Gojyo said covering his face with his hands.

Sanzo pulled Gojyo's hands away and held them in his own hands.

"Have you ever heard of free will? Listen, they don't make us do anything. And do you really want to piss off the gods?"

"I don't care anymore."

"Then, I'll care for you," Sanzo said calmingly.

"Aaahh!" Gojyo moaned with frustration.

Gojyo slid his hands beneath Sanzo's so that the monk's hands rested flat atop his. So delicate.  Sanzo's small wrists could be held inside the circle of Gojyo's thumb and index finger. The pale, translucent skin there beckoned him. He raised both hands to his lips and kissed them gently.

Sanzo watched Gojyo kissing his hands and blushed. He raised one hand to Gojyo's scarred cheek and softly palmed his hand there. As Gojyo pressed his cheek into the caress, he moaned and kissed the inside of Sanzo's wrist.

Abruptly, Gojyo walked away and settled himself in the large, comfy recliner chair. Sanzo's
puzzled look vanished when Gojyo reached a hand out to him.

"I want you sitting on my lap, now. We need to talk."

"On your lap? I think not," Sanzo said shakily making his way across the room to Gojyo nonetheless.  He stood nervously in front of the sitting man who immediately pulled him on to his lap."

"Wrap your arms around my neck," Gojyo demandly softly.

Sanzo did so, and found himself snuggling into Goyjo's neck.

"Feel good?" Gojyo asked.

Nodding, Sanzo rested his head against Gojyo's collarbone and sighed. He softly stroked the long strands of the red hair that fell on Gojyo's shoulders. Gojyo rubbed his back soothingly and kissed the top of the monk's head.

"I've waited so long to touch you, Sanzo.  You've got to understand about that night. Will you listen to me explain?" Gojyo asked.

Sanzo nodded and pulled his lower lip in his mouth awaiting Gojyo's explaination.

"I've wanted to make love to you for what seems like forever. Fuck, all I want is you. I didn't dare ever tell you. That would've been too dangerous. Shit. This is harder than I thought," Gojyo said swallowing hard.

"If it helps, I can tell you something," Sanzo said looking up a Gojyo with a naked innocence.

"What?"

"Oh, it's simple. I love you," Sanzo said unflinchingly.

Tears instantly fell from Gojyo's eyes and he pulled Sanzo closer.

"Damn boy, you're brave. I love you too, Sanzo! I love you so fucking much!," Gojyo cried.

Gojyo leaned down and captured Sanzo's lips in a tender kiss. He pulled back and looked at Sanzo for a moment. Sanzo kissed away Gojyo's tears and held his face. The redhead swiftly stuck his tongue inside the monk's mouth, pulsing it in and out lustily.  They both moaned and embraced each other even more tightly. Pulling apart, they looked at each other longingly.

"Sanzo, you were drunk that night. I couldn't take advantage of you like that. I wanted it to be right," Gojyo said breathlessly.

"Is this that thing about the rules,?" Sanzo asked panting.

"You heard that? But there are rules, especially for you."

Shaking his head slowly, Sanzo stroked strands of Gojyo's silky red hair. Gojyo noticed Sanzo's beautifully droopy eyes looked tired.  The violet marbles were surrounded by tiny red stripes mixed into the cloudy whites. "The drugs," he mouthed soundlessly.

"You're such a child, really," Sanzo said.

"What did you call me?" Gojyo asked narrowing his eyes.

"Well you are! Gods! If everyone waited for the perfect moment nobody would ever have sex."

"That's just the point!  I want to make love with you, not just have sex."

"Gojyo, you mean with all the people you've slept with, all the alcohol you and these people consumed, you've never exploited the situation? Ever?"

"Exploited?"

"Taken advantage of," Sanzo said standing and walking cautiously to the fireplace.

"I've never taken anyone against their will," Gojyo said watching the monk wrap his arms around himself rubbing his hands up and down his forearms.

"I know that.  All I'm saying is..."

"What?" Gojyo said standing.

"I wanted to be exploited. You idiot, I wanted to be with you. Was it essential that I have no trace of alcohol in my system?  I felt good that night. I wasn't drunk, at least not drunk as you thought I was. I wanted you to be my creator that night, and there you were talking about some fucking rules!" Sanzo said, pain showing on his face.

"Sanzo, I didn't want you to wake up the next morning hating me.  Maybe I made a wrong call, but you did too if pills and booze have been your answer to resolving everything. Gods! What have you been thinking? You could've relaxed your pride a little and come and talked to me. And you call me a child!"

Gojyo watched the monk as he seemed to lose his ability to stand. As Sanzo began to sink to the floor, Gojyo caught him in his arms and sat Sanzo's frail body gently down at the large table.  He poured a cup of tea from the teapot and held it to Sanzo's lips.

Sanzo shook his head and turned his head away. Gojyo caught his chin and pushed back some of Sanzo's thick blond hair from his face.

"Hakkai made this for you. Drink some, ok?" Gojyo asked.

"Fucking hell no. Get that shit away from me," Sanzo hissed.

"Please, do it for me, just a few sips," Gojyo tried.

Trying to stand, Sanzo shoved the cup away and pushed himself from the table. Gojyo grabbed the monks arm and firmly sat him back upon the chair.

"Sit your ass back down. I said this shit is gonna end tonight.  What part of that didn't you understand?  All this shit has been so mystically unfair. But I'm practicing my free will, as you said, and I'm going to force your pretty ass to swallow this tea right now. Look at me. You think I'm playing?" Gojyo said looking directly into Sanzo's eyes.

"I'm not..."

Before Sanzo could finish his sentence, Gojyo was already slowly pouring the luke warm tea into the priest's mouth.

"Oh yes, you are.  Now, be smart and swallow, honey," Gojyo smiled threateningly.

Sanzo's eyes widened and he began to swallow the liquid slowly, never taking his eyes off Gojyo. He winced a little as he drank, and Gojyo noticed.

"Your mouth is sensitive because of those red, raw patches," he said sympathically.

Once the cup was emptied, Gojyo quickly poured another one. Sanzo didn't fight him, to the red head's surprise. As he fed the tea to his monk with one hand, he lifted one of his eye lids with
the other.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Sanzo said jerking away from him.

"So much of that crap in your system. Thank tenkai you haven't overdosed."

"Humph," Sanzo mumbled.

"What?" Gojyo asked.

"Weren't you just threatening the gods and heavens a few minutes ago? What was that thing you said before? That things have been mystically unfair?"

"I'm just tired of things fucking you over. It's been so hard. I could only watch you self destruct. Don't we ever get to hit a good patch?  You've been so sick." Gojyo said sitting himself atop the table.

"I just wanted to stop feeling, to stop hurting.  I thought you hated me. I know we've always fought.  But this was different. You rejected me as a lover. I've never been in a relationship. I never wanted that. But I wanted it with you. I knew I'd stop growing spiritually and as a person if I never had your love. And it seemed I never would. I thought you'd never want me." Sanzo said sadly.

"Fuck Sanzo, you're all I want! You're everything to me. You've been my everything since the first night you came to my door.  I love you. I can't believe you haven't been able to see that. And you're the wise holy man? In what way are you wise? God, I'd die for you. Worse. I'll live the hell out of this life for you!" Gojyo spoke with heated cheeks.

Sanzo took the tea cup from Gojyo's hand and drank the rest of the tea quickly.

"Tastes like medicine," he said putting the cup on the table. "You know, it's not like you haven't been with other people while on this journey. I've watched you leave with people. You've bedded  a lot of women, and I'm thinking a couple of guys along the way." Sanzo said looking at Gojyo.

"Have you seen me with anybody since that night? The night you claim I rejected you?" Gojyo asked.

The blond's eyes closed fractionally, as  he seemed to really think upon the question. "No," he answered.

"I've been waiting on you," Gojyo said taking one of Sanzo's hands.

"This really is fucked then," Sanzo said rubbing his thumb into Gojyo's hand.

"So, you're feeling me now? That's what I've been sayin'. What's all this been for?"

Releasing Sanzo's hand, Gojyo slid the tray of food closer. "Hakkai, said you should eat some of the food. We gonna have a fight over this?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"No sir, " Sanzo said smiling.

"Oh, I like that. Fuck Sanzo, you're so beautiful. Thank you for that smile. You've kept yourself so closed hard. Your smile is a gift, my love. That's my true feelin', for real," Gojyo said sincerely.

Sanzo's cheeks reddened, as he looked up at Gojyo shyly. "You can feed me," he said.

"Oh now you're just giving me a hard on," Gojyo grinned picking up the plate and chop sticks.

"You taste it first," Sanzo said pointing at the plate.

"Cool, no big deal," Gojyo said picking up some vegtables with the chop sticks and popping them into his mouth.

Sanzo watched as Gojyo's face went a bit sour.

"See? That's the kind of shit Hakkai does. I'll bet you a pack of ciggies he put some kind of medicine in it," Sanzo said shaking his head slowly.

"Yeah. I've been a victim of his sneaky care givin' ways once or twice. But I never held it against him. He's just trying to look after you. You know that don't you?" Gojyo asked.

"Yes. For the record, I respect Hakkai. He's intelligent and loyal  But it made me crazy to think you care about him more than you could ever care for me."

"Hey, crazy Bouzu, yeah I care about Hakkai. I always will. I care about the bakazaru too. They're family to me. But I'm in love with you. Hear me?" Gojyo demanded.

Sanzo nodded his head and opened his mouth. Gojyo just sat and stared for a few seconds, trying to brand the delicious image before him into his brain. "Gods, Sanzo. They write songs about your kind of loveliness. Do you really love me?"

"I already told you I do. Hurry up, you expect me to wait for you to feed me all night? I'm not eating everything that's on that plate though, I tell you that right now," Sanzo said crinkling up his nose.

Gojyo lifted some vegtables to Sanzo's mouth his eyes watering as he watched Sanzo accept the food from him and chew gently. Sanzo eyed him as he swallowed.

"What now? I'm doing as you asked. And I still get the sad eyes? There's no way to win with you Kappa," Sanzo said taking more food from Gojyo's awaiting chop sticks.

"Yeah, well,  I'm doing my best to hold it together. This is way more than I ever thought I'd get. I'm still getting used to you even talking to me."

"Baka. Like most people, you get what you say you want, and then you can't handle what you get. Typical," Sanzo said taking the linen napkin from the tray. He looked at it briefly, then wiped his mouth regally.

Gojyo smiled at Sanzo. "I love you monk," he said placing the plate on the table. He noticed Sanzo squeezing his eyes shut and swaying in the chair.  "Sanzo? What? Are you feeling ill?" Hearing the rumblings of the beginning of nausea coming from Sanzo's slender throat, Gojyo didn't waste any time picking the priest up and carrying him to the bathroom.

Arriving just in time, Gojyo sat down on the floor with Sanzo and held his face over the toilet. He  gathered a handful of dense blond hair, pulling it away from the monk's face as best he could.

Sanzo began to throw up violently.

"It's the poison of those pills, honey. Don't fight it. Let it come out," Gojyo offered gently.

"Like I have a choice," Sanzo hacked out.

Feeling Sanzo's back convulse and jerk, Gojyo settled behind him and held him by the waist. When the vomiting and convulsions stopped, Sanzo leaned back into Gojyo's embrace and breathed harshly.

"We need to stop meeting like this," Sanzo said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Fucking Hakkai. I'm going to kill him," He said exhaustedly.

"That stuff helped cleanse your system. You needed it Sanzo. Come on, I'll help you to bed,"

"I need to brush my teeth," Sanzo said hoarsely.

"Alright. You ok to stand?"

Sanzo nodded and let Gojyo stand him up and position him in front of the sink.

"I'll put some toothpaste on your toothbrush, ok?" Gojyo asked putting the paste on the bristles of the plastic brush.

As Sanzo brushed, Gojyo ran his hands through the soft blond hair and kissed the back of Sanzo's neck. "You did good, my brave priest. Love ya'."

Sanzo cupped water from the running faucet in his hand and swished it in his mouth. He spat out the water and wiped his mouth with a towel Gojyo held near his face.

"I get points for throwing up? You're too easy, Kappa."

"You get points for breathing, my pretty pill popping priest."

"You're being mean."

"Let me make it up to you. I'll carry you to bed," Gojyo said picking Sanzo up. "I can't believe how cooperative you're being."

"I don't think I can walk," Sanzo said sighing weakly.

"Put you arms around my neck, and fasten your seat belt."

"Baka," Sanzo said sliding his arms around Gojyo's shoulders. He looked down quickly at the door that still lay demolished at their feet. "Animal."

Gojyo growled into Sanzo's neck and gave him a wet kiss there. He walked into the bedroom and headed for the large bed.

"You know, you weigh nothing. You'd better start eating," Gojyo said, setting Sanzo on the bed.

Sanzo lowered his head and let out a deep sigh.  Gojyo kneeled in front of the priest and rubbed his thighs. "Hey, it's gonna be alright. You want to get out of your robes?  I'll help you."

"I want to see you naked," Sanzo said looking up at Gojyo softly.

"Gods Sanzo. You never stop amazing me," Gojyo said grinning, and immediately stood  to remove his clothes.

Once undressed, the tall man stood before Sanzo with his hands on his slender hips. "Know what I think? I think you should get naked too."

Sanzo's eyes scanned Gojyo's muscular body hungrily. Gojyo disposed of the distance between them and gently began to remove Sanzo's clothes. He could hear Sanzo's breathing speed up as he permitted the red head to carefully undress him.

Gojyo gasped at Sanzo's incredibily perfect, pale body. He swallowed hard and pulled back the blankets on the bed, while encouraging the monk to lay down.

"You have no idea how absolutely perfect your body is do you?" Gojyo said smiling at Sanzo's blushing. "I'll go turn out the light."

Gojyo turned out the light and went to the fireplace and stoked the fire with the iron poker. He padded back to the bed and slid under the blankets next to Sanzo. Pulling the blond to him he felt him trembling. "It's alright, Sanzo. Everything's gonna be alright."

He pressed Sanzo's head to his chest and rubbed his back. They both watched shadows dance upon the walls to the flickering fire. After a while, Gojyo felt wettness on his chest, and lifted Sanzo's chin up to see tears running freely.

"I know I fucked up Gojyo. I didn't mean to get so out of control. I didn't mean to neglect Goku. I want to get better, really I do," Sanzo said tearfully.

"Shhh, I know. I believe you when you say you want to get better. And you know what? The kid will get right when he sees you tryin'."

Laying his head back on Gojyo's welcoming chest, Sanzo let out a small shudder and relaxed again into Gojyo's embrace. After a while, he spoke again. "What about Hakkai?"

Gojyo moved one of his hands to Sanzo's head and massaged it with gentle fingers.

"Don't worry about Hakkai. Just let him take care of you a bit. He'll love it," he said kissing Sanzo's hair.

"What about you? How do I make things right with you? You know, I never had sex with any of those guys. The one you beat up, had a hard time taking no for an answer. He called me a tease."

"Bastard," Gojyo said. "He got what was comin' to him."

"But I deserved it," Sanzo moaned.

"What? Are you kidding me? Sanzo, nobody deserves that, what the hell's wrong with you?" Gojyo said yanking the monk's blond hair softly, but firmly.

He felt Sanzo's embrace tighten around his upper body. He thought about how much of Sanzo's self worth had been taken away during this whole debacle. "Just concentrate on getting well, ok?" He said in an authoritative voice.

Feeling Sanzo nod against his chest, he smiled. Gojyo closed his eyes and revelled in laying in bed with the man he loved skin to skin. "Time to sleep," he said to the blond.

"But, aren't we going to..." Sanzo trailed off.

Twisting his neck to look down at his love, he smiled affectionately and shook his head. "We will, when you get well, when you're better," he answered, patting Sanzo's back.

"You don't want me. Not like that, huh?" Sanzo said sadly.

Gojyo got up from the bed so quickly, Sanzo's face fell into the mattress and he gasped. He raised himself up and saw Gojyo putting on his jeans.

"Gojyo, what? Are you leaving? What is it?" he asked perplexed.

"What the fuck do you think it is? Have you been listening to anything I've said this entire night? Gods, I thought we had gotten past this shit. How many times have I told you I love you tonight? I want a gods damn answer!"

"I'm sorry," Sanzo whispered.

"I don't want your fucking sorry," Gojyo said grabbing the rest of his clothes off the floor, stalking towards the door. He stopped in his tracks when he heard Sanzo whimper. Turning back to look at Sanzo, he saw him leave the bed and head for the bottle of sake on the table.

As Sanzo opened the bottle, Gojyo watched him with boiling outrage.

"So, this is how it's gonna' be? Shit comes up between us and you run to a bottle? You got more pills around as well? Party up." Gojyo said looking at Sanzo straight on.

"And you run away. You hypocrite. I don't know what to do, ok? It hurts. It just feels like you're rejecting me. And now you're leaving me. I don't know how to handle things. I've never had...anybody...is this normal?" Sanzo asked putting the bottle down and looking at Gojyo obviously in real torment.

Gojyo dropped his clothes and went to Sanzo. He took the blond's long fingers and interlocked them with his. He covered Sanzo's delicate lips with his full ones.The moist kiss was returned earnestly. Leading Sanzo back to the bed, he removed his jeans en route.

He looked at Sanzo forcefully and seemed to will him to lay down on the bed. Joining the monk, Gojyo laid next to Sanzo, resting his head up on his bent elbow.

"You're right. I shouldn't have walked. When you feel confused like that Sanzo, just talk to me about it. Don't run to pills or the drink. I'll be here for you, I promise. Pills and booze, that's a hard kick."

"I'll kick it all for you," Sanzo said.

"No, you have to do it for yourself or it won't take, understand? But, I'll help you through it. Tell me why I will, and it better be the right answer," He said holding Sanzo's chin.

"Is this the one about loving me?" Sanzo said looking at Gojyo shyly.

"That'd be the one," Gojyo said smiling. "No more pills, my sweet monk, right?"

"No more pills," Sanzo promised.

"Good. You won't need them anymore. I'm gonna' keep you sedated with an all natural medication," Gojyo said, lightly moving his hand across Sanzo's length.

"Sanzo shuttered and moaned. "Now, what was that you said before about wanting to be exploited? So, I can exploit you jolly, with your permission?" Gojyo said grinning broadly at the monk's response to his touch."

"Yes!" Sanzo said whimpering as Gojyo gripped his manhood firmly.

"Say my name," Gojyo said bending to lick at Sanzo's nipples.

"Ahhh...hmmm...oh gods, Gojyo," Sanzo moaned helplessly.

"Yeah. Sweet, like that." Gojyo said fusing his lips with Sanzo's, then he moved the kisses down the blond's body.

"You can make me well," Sanzo said arching against Gojyo wantonly.

"Let's make love my beautiful exploited phoenix."

Naked, glowing images of passage over took the two lovers as ecstasy healed all pain.