seconds

[riverdame]

ah friends cheeks and tongues tongues in cheeks--complicated any way you look at it...had a conversation with j today and he wasn't even there. thinking of how many times he'd said to me "i don't know how to be a friend" and maybe it turns out he knew all along, or knew better than me what it is that friends offer one another...even if he has a tendency to mispeak himself. found myself stuck at what it was i had to offer him and got back to remembering that i'd forgotten (sic)about "not knowing" as a state. as a path. as a way of being.thinking i had only my learning to offer him and not much to share not that much to give in return, in exchange and thinking understanding how angry he was with me for not sharing my tumor...friends he said don't do that...one way or another and not able or willing to forgive me that, allow that maybe that was the best i could do.
...though i know that backward glancing is just a dis-traction now, since it is behind us and we strike out anew

which is why i'm stuck at what friends have to offer, or maybe i'm just stuck from a static in my head perspective and it's not about talk but about the eternity that takes place in the minute as it unfolds, ah yes grasshopper

snatched the pebble i just did