Care and Feeding of Depression
Consume depressant substances. Alcohol is preferable, but if that isn’t available, eat foods high in sugar that will create mood swings through drastic shifts in blood sugar levels. Avoid any food that is remotely fresh, unprocessed or appears to possess any nutritive value at all.
Listen to lots of sad songs. Search the lyrics for meaning that might be relevant to your own life. If you are unable to find any correlations, make some up. Lots of beer will help with that.
Do not answer the phone. Do not make any phone calls. Avoid any people that might have anything nice to say about you. If you do answer the phone, it should only be for people that can guilt you into picking up. These people will be adept at making you feel worse.
Ignore all of your accomplishments and focus only on your worst points.
Stop bathing. Feeling stinky and repulsive will create a state of mind in which you can best recall all the things that suck about you.
Watch lots of television. Shows that display the worst traits of humanity are the best. This will make you feel hopeless not only for yourself, but the plight of the world as a whole. This effectively contributes to an overall sense of hopelessness and powerlessness.
Commiserate. Seek out people that are even more depressed than you. Add their problems to your own tally of things to feel bad about.
If people that want to ‘make you feel better’ are successful at dragging you out of your hole to have fun, mope and complain the entire time you are out. They will be loathe to bother you again anytime in the near future.
Conversely, depression also thrives when you attempt to hide it from those closest to you. Squash your feelings down and pretend that everything is fine whenever anyone is around. The point is, do anything but deal with your shit.
Listen to lots of sad songs. Search the lyrics for meaning that might be relevant to your own life. If you are unable to find any correlations, make some up. Lots of beer will help with that.
Do not answer the phone. Do not make any phone calls. Avoid any people that might have anything nice to say about you. If you do answer the phone, it should only be for people that can guilt you into picking up. These people will be adept at making you feel worse.
Ignore all of your accomplishments and focus only on your worst points.
Stop bathing. Feeling stinky and repulsive will create a state of mind in which you can best recall all the things that suck about you.
Watch lots of television. Shows that display the worst traits of humanity are the best. This will make you feel hopeless not only for yourself, but the plight of the world as a whole. This effectively contributes to an overall sense of hopelessness and powerlessness.
Commiserate. Seek out people that are even more depressed than you. Add their problems to your own tally of things to feel bad about.
If people that want to ‘make you feel better’ are successful at dragging you out of your hole to have fun, mope and complain the entire time you are out. They will be loathe to bother you again anytime in the near future.
Conversely, depression also thrives when you attempt to hide it from those closest to you. Squash your feelings down and pretend that everything is fine whenever anyone is around. The point is, do anything but deal with your shit.