Answers On A Postcard Please

[river_rat_grrl]

This is a bit of an over-caffienated epic ramble but I feel like it's all required in order to sit and give myself some perspective on the situation. Or something. Umm. I could probably do with some advice or opinions, I don't gauge social interaction well.

Comments

[lyrstzha]

Okay, for what it's worth, my opinion is wait. In my experience, new mothers tend to yearn for familial connections, even if they were damn pissed at their families before the baby came. It's something to do with being tired and overwhelmed, and wanting your child to feel surrounded by a support structure, I think. My own mother had run away from home and wasn't really speaking to my grandmother, but when labor pain hit, mom got this powerful impulse (as maybe many people do, when they're in pain) to call her mother. Which is to say, I think Annie may handle this herself during/just after the birth. And, in any case, it's hers to handle. You can make someone love you (though it's a lot of time and trouble, often), but you can't really make people love each other. It's hard to watch people you care about burning each other, I know, but ultimately reconciliation is something they have to want for themselves.

Which is not to say that subtle talking up and reminding of better days is a bad idea, mind. Just a bit of a nudge, let's say, in a friendlier direction. Ideally, a little graceful meddling can even go unnoticed.

[river_rat_grrl]

*le sigh* Thank you for chipping in on the incoherency, I'm amazed anyone made it through that ramble! I would try a little graceful meddling but I tend to have the subtlety of a Fantasia Hippo most days.

I had proposed buying Annie-Bear one of those self-help books on forgiveness or something ("holding on to grudges is like drinking poison and hoping someone else drops dead as a result") but Elmo declared that even that would be a spectacularly bad idea.

I really, reeeeally do hope that this stress/hormone induced yearn for family kicks in *finger-toes-and-legs crossed* but I just worry that she'll suppress it and deflate into post-natal depression or something equally unhealthy (because she or DB will no doubt find a by-proxy-type way to still blame Kam for ensuing bad times then).

I've come to the conclusion that if nothing else I need to have a quick word with her before the baby's here - I'm sticking to my promise not to say anything to her family, but I made that promise on the assumption that she would extend the courtesy of a phone call, a letter or at least text, so I'm not going to flat-out lie for her if her brother or anyone else she's not talking to asks me... Ugh, I hate drama.