this past week
warning: may contain emo. sorry.
this last week has been interesting.
of hamsters:
Sunday jude and I went to visit Claudie. twas fun. She is the 'hamster branch' of Hop a Long Hollow, the rabbit rescue in CT a bit north of here. We talked hamsters for a really long time, and then she gave me a bunch of cages and such and drove us back to brooklyn. She's been in the business for a long time, so she had lots to tell me. she was very happy about my Halfway House, as are most people so far.
Monday, I picked up Bill. He's a very sweet black tux dwarf. he has a tendancy to explore with his teeth, so hes a bit nippy. but he doesnt bite hard, so its kindof ok. I'm trying to train him out of it.
Tuesday, i went to a pet store in brooklyn near borough hall. my intent was to get some treats for pudding and bill and tell the manager that i existed. that did happen, but i came home with 9 new hamsters as well. that kinda... threw me. they had them in a tank in the bathroom cause they didnt have room for them. they didnt even have them separated by sex. gaah!
listing of hamsters (approx age): black baby (3wks), twins (4or5 wks), young boy (2 mo.), black girl, black boy (sick looking), agouti boy (5or6mo), agouti girl, other agouti boy, (8mo). approximate like crazy. except for the little ones, i guessed them by comparing pics i found. also, black baby is still nursing.
Wednesday, black boy died in my hands. youngish agouti boy looking sick.
Thursday, older agouti boy looking sick. babies enjoyed being socialized. when i put my hand in their tank, they climb right into my hand and wait to be played with. so freaking cute and tiny!!
Friday, took agouti boy to vet. got meds for the rest of hamsters, agouti boy died when i got home. older agouti boy looking better. Addison will be here tonight. also, picking up a couple cages from someone before heading to the station to get addie.
of people:
saturday, went to japanese class. went to a 1-year-old's birthday party (the son of one of judes coworkers). had a panic attack. not fun, but the cow cake was good. :-)
sunday, went to claudie's. extremely tiring, going places is.
monday, slept all day. left the house to pick up bill, almost ran home.
tuesday, jude stayed home sick. tried to play with flow and got my arm ripped to shreds. went shopping for dinner, came home with 9 hamsters.
wednesday, jude still home sick. made corned beef and cabbage for dinner. missed game night. didnt leave the house.
thursday, spent all day in bed being cold. stupid radiators that arent consistent. havent figured out the heating yet. went to meet jude at work and carry stuff home. almost freaked out on the subway. i hate people. theres to many of them.
friday, pickin up addie tonight. the vet was nice, and the bus was 10 minutes late. its cold out.
generally, i'm not happy here. i miss boulder like crazy. i'd even go back to vermont. i am (unreasonably) scared to leave our apt. i'm getting panic attacks if i go somewhere. wtf?? my mildish yet consistent depression seems to have gotten much much worse. I dont think that there is a good reason for any of this. it's scaring both me and jude, and we dont know what to do about. he suggested that i drink coke whenever i feel bad. heh. hey if thats all it takes to make this better, i'll drink that filthy disgusting rust eating crap from now on. sarah gave me some good words for stuff now: I find it hard to hold conversations/ I get sweaty, sick and I wanna walk away/ No it's not you it's strictly me in this situation/ But I'm wondering will it ever go away / Just go away/ Still/ Sometimes I feel like weeping/ Awake and when I'm sleeping (blue october, picking up pieces)
there is nothing wrong with my life. if anything, its great. i have a wonderful boy, time to do anything i want, a roomful of supercute hamsters, and i'm in a place where i can find absolutely anything if i look hard enough. is there something wrong with that? no. nothing at all. minor downside, i dont really have any friends here. but its kinda hard to meet new people if i cant leave the fucking house. seriously, brain! wtf?!?
anyone know how to make your brain chemistry go back to normal? wikipedia is no help.
also, blue october is annoyingly appropriate for all things life related.
this last week has been interesting.
of hamsters:
Sunday jude and I went to visit Claudie. twas fun. She is the 'hamster branch' of Hop a Long Hollow, the rabbit rescue in CT a bit north of here. We talked hamsters for a really long time, and then she gave me a bunch of cages and such and drove us back to brooklyn. She's been in the business for a long time, so she had lots to tell me. she was very happy about my Halfway House, as are most people so far.
Monday, I picked up Bill. He's a very sweet black tux dwarf. he has a tendancy to explore with his teeth, so hes a bit nippy. but he doesnt bite hard, so its kindof ok. I'm trying to train him out of it.
Tuesday, i went to a pet store in brooklyn near borough hall. my intent was to get some treats for pudding and bill and tell the manager that i existed. that did happen, but i came home with 9 new hamsters as well. that kinda... threw me. they had them in a tank in the bathroom cause they didnt have room for them. they didnt even have them separated by sex. gaah!
listing of hamsters (approx age): black baby (3wks), twins (4or5 wks), young boy (2 mo.), black girl, black boy (sick looking), agouti boy (5or6mo), agouti girl, other agouti boy, (8mo). approximate like crazy. except for the little ones, i guessed them by comparing pics i found. also, black baby is still nursing.
Wednesday, black boy died in my hands. youngish agouti boy looking sick.
Thursday, older agouti boy looking sick. babies enjoyed being socialized. when i put my hand in their tank, they climb right into my hand and wait to be played with. so freaking cute and tiny!!
Friday, took agouti boy to vet. got meds for the rest of hamsters, agouti boy died when i got home. older agouti boy looking better. Addison will be here tonight. also, picking up a couple cages from someone before heading to the station to get addie.
of people:
saturday, went to japanese class. went to a 1-year-old's birthday party (the son of one of judes coworkers). had a panic attack. not fun, but the cow cake was good. :-)
sunday, went to claudie's. extremely tiring, going places is.
monday, slept all day. left the house to pick up bill, almost ran home.
tuesday, jude stayed home sick. tried to play with flow and got my arm ripped to shreds. went shopping for dinner, came home with 9 hamsters.
wednesday, jude still home sick. made corned beef and cabbage for dinner. missed game night. didnt leave the house.
thursday, spent all day in bed being cold. stupid radiators that arent consistent. havent figured out the heating yet. went to meet jude at work and carry stuff home. almost freaked out on the subway. i hate people. theres to many of them.
friday, pickin up addie tonight. the vet was nice, and the bus was 10 minutes late. its cold out.
generally, i'm not happy here. i miss boulder like crazy. i'd even go back to vermont. i am (unreasonably) scared to leave our apt. i'm getting panic attacks if i go somewhere. wtf?? my mildish yet consistent depression seems to have gotten much much worse. I dont think that there is a good reason for any of this. it's scaring both me and jude, and we dont know what to do about. he suggested that i drink coke whenever i feel bad. heh. hey if thats all it takes to make this better, i'll drink that filthy disgusting rust eating crap from now on. sarah gave me some good words for stuff now: I find it hard to hold conversations/ I get sweaty, sick and I wanna walk away/ No it's not you it's strictly me in this situation/ But I'm wondering will it ever go away / Just go away/ Still/ Sometimes I feel like weeping/ Awake and when I'm sleeping (blue october, picking up pieces)
there is nothing wrong with my life. if anything, its great. i have a wonderful boy, time to do anything i want, a roomful of supercute hamsters, and i'm in a place where i can find absolutely anything if i look hard enough. is there something wrong with that? no. nothing at all. minor downside, i dont really have any friends here. but its kinda hard to meet new people if i cant leave the fucking house. seriously, brain! wtf?!?
anyone know how to make your brain chemistry go back to normal? wikipedia is no help.
also, blue october is annoyingly appropriate for all things life related.