The Regulars at Store 26
Well,
I think the time has come for me to list some of our store's most colorful regulars. Even though my store is in a mall, it still attracts people who just can't stay away. There are even some that are known in some of our closer, and my old store in Natick. Some of them are loved, some of them are feared, either way, they get assigned nicknames...
I'll start off with one of the most widely feared regulars between many of the stores - Used CD /SuperAudio Buying Guy. This name may seem pretty generic, and it is because we can't think of a better one, but this is one that we dread. This guy is not mean, he doesn't give us a hard time, he doesn't complain at all, he goes through the whole store, picks out huge stacks of used CDs, looks through every one of them at the front counter, and buys about half of them, which ends up being anywhere between 300 and 600 dollars on used CDs. This range is due mostly to the selection differences between stores as Natick has about twice the CD selection that we have... He always seems to pick the worst times to visit us, but he only comes out every month, so of course, I felt it was necessary to develop a theory which I will enlighten you with: He lives in a basement which he is locked in for 3 months at a time or so, and only allowed one day of freedom to the outside world which he chooses to spend at Newbury Comics buying used CDs with whatever budget he is granted. He has to check through every one of them because he only is allowed out so rarely and won't be able to exchange them because the policy is 30 days. All in All he's not a bad guy, I always greet him and as if there is anything I can help him with, or make him some counter space, after all he does spend hundreds of dollars on CDs upon each visit, as well as almost always buying the entire SuperAudio section which no one else buys... The reason behind the fear of his arrival, aside from standing at the counter looking through the CDs where he doesnt really get in anyone's way, but its awkward when you're on the registers, is that stack that he leaves behind for us to put away afterwards. It doesnt bother me as much as some people, there was actually one account of him actually putting them back as he went along... To this day we don't know what the deal with that was, but we will wonder for an eternity.
The Next is actually the most dreaded, and he is widely known as Smithereens Guy. He is not a regular to any one store in particular, but to many. He doesn't look like much from afar, but when he starts talking there is no escape. He will ask you your name, your favorite bands and inevitably at some point during the conversation...if you like the Smithereens...every fucking time. He usually has some form of representation for them such as a hat, T-shirt, or button, which he will also point to upon speaking their name. He seems to visit my store more than Natick, but he earned the same nickname there as well, and as an isolated event. The people in my store didn't know he went to the other stores as well, but it seems he is a regular of the chain because he likes "hanging out with us" as he told me last time he cornered me into conversation. Last time he told me all about some rare live CDs he had acquired, for about 20 minutes... I tried to tell him "yeah, i don't really do live music on CDs" but he proceeded to tell me anyway, while sort of swaying from side to side as he tends to do. We all try to hide because he likes to make sure he talks to everyone, and you really can't just be mean to him, although I heard once, that one of the employees from another store responded to his favorite question with "I fucking HATE the smithereens" which apparently did the trick...Honestly I don't know how credible that story actually is, but it makes me want to try it... My guess is that even if someone did say that, he'd come back the next time and ask again anyway. He does actually seem to be quite knowledgeable though. One of my favorite Smithereens Guy moments, from afar, was when one of the guys was telling him to write a blog about music, which I thought was hysterical because of the implied "so you can leave us the fuck alone," but it was stated as what sounded like a genuine suggestion from far away. But yeah, I suspect, in reality that he is an example of Asperger Syndrome... either way, he drives us all crazy.
Another well-known pain in the ass, and with similar patterns of inescapable conversations, is Jeff Foxworthy Guy, aptly named for his Jeff Foxworthly-like appearance. This guy loves classic rock and comic books... and loves to talk about them to anyone and everyone. He is alway super-excited about everything, sometimes to the point where we start to worry about him having some sort of breakdown in the middle of the store and possibly spontaneous combustion... Fortunately he doesn't stay nearly as long as Smithereens Guy, or talk for quite as long, but he's still a notable character even if just for that moustache...
One of the regulars that I have to hide from because I generally can't stop laughing every time he starts going is Really Loud Guy. He's probably around the same age as I am, although its hard to tell because of his boyish haircut, nerdy classes, and demeanor, but his favorite thing in the world seems to be Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and he likes to express this love at a painfully audible volume. He is very pleased that our prices on Yu-Gi-Oh are cheaper than, either where he works or another places that he goes, I'm not really sure because I'm trying too hard not to start laughing in the first place. Aside from how loud he is, the reaction of the other customers is what really gets me, and if I make eye contact with any of the other staff I know I'm done for. I honestly find him to be more of a source of entertainment than an annoyance.
My Horror Movie Guy is probably one of my favorite regulars. He's a big oafish metal guy with a bowl-type haircut, often seen wearing a Misfits shirt, but if not some other Horror/Metal Shirt whose first words to me, after being referred by another staff member were "Hi, I'm looking for the goriest worst bloodiest horror movies I can find." Naturally, we became quick friends. Ok, well, I don't know if I'd say friends, exactly, he seems more of an apprentice.. little does he know that I haven't seen every horror movie in the section, but he still looks for me to make recommendations which are either my favorites or ones that I've heard good things about. Sometimes, when I run out of ideas I help him look for some that look like they'd be cool, and he is very appreciative of my time and efforts. He often returns and tells me that he was quite satisfied with my recommendations, which is always encouraging. I do get that question every now and again, since I'm currently the horror movie go-to person according to some of the other staff, and its one of my favorites since I get to waste time talking about horror movies, but I don't know nearly as much as I should for this title. Fortunately for My Horror Movie Guy, there is another person coming on-board who far surpasses my knowledge of the Horror section, and will be able to help him reach his true potential.
Another one of my favorites is a Mother-Son Team for who, sadly, I haven't up with a solid nickname for yet aside from Mother-Son Team...Some of the other staff know them because the son went to school in the area, and I'm not really sure of the details with exactly who knows them and why, but anyway... The mother is one of the most pleasant and appreciative people I've ever met, but a little too much to the point where she seems like a complete airhead who talks a little bit too much (the platinum blond hair doesn't help) but you really just can't help but to love her. It always makes me wonder what kind of life she has led, and what it must be like when and if she ever gets angry. I imagine that its something I'll never encounter, but I fear for those who do because It must take something pretty extreme. She almost alway has her son with her, and you know that the spend most of their unoccupied time together as a mother-son team. His primary interests seems to be the same of a 13 year old boy, and there's nothing wrong with that because Magic Cards and Comic Books will always be cool in my mind, but it makes me wonder what these two have been through together to be so close now.
One of the regulars that I seem to be the solitary fan of is Trading Card Guy. There are actually two trading card guys, but I'll get to the other one next. Trading Card Guy comes in like clockwork every Wednesday for the new trading cards. Since we receive shipments on Wednesdays, more often than not, all of the trading cards are still hidden somewhere within the shipment boxes and not particularly easy to access which is why everyone else rolls their eyes when he comes in. I took a liking to Trading Card Guy because he seems to appreciate the effort that I go through to find the new cards through the stacks of boxes in the back room, and buys anywhere from 20 to 120 dollars worth of trading cards. I've spoiled him a little too much though as I used to show him the list of the cards that we were supposed to be getting in and would then be obligated to find, but now as I am stacking the boxes off of the shipment cart I take out the trading cards as I go to save us all the effort later when it might be to busy to spend that much time going through them. I think he's a very nice guy, and I don't mind taking a little bit of extra effort for him, because he does seem to appreciate it and as he comes in every Wednesday at around 5 or 6, making him one of the most regular regulars that we have.
Now, back on the dark side we have The Todd. I have never actually seen this guy in my current store, however, he used to come into Natick all the f-ing time. They have encountered him in our store before though so I felt that he should be included because he is also known as the "Other Trading Card Guy". He's a big goofy guy with crazy blond hair who always seems to be in a hurry and always pays in those gift credit cards. I believe The Todd to be a true victim of a gambling problem, and we think that he pays on the gift card so that his wife won't know where the money is going. The thing about The Todd is that he knows exactly what cards should be there and when and he wants them now. He'd be more than happy to look through the shipment himself so that he didn't have to wait. As you have probably gathered by now, The Todd does not like to wait. Another interesting thing to note is that when The Todd does come in with his family, he seems to pay very little attention to his son, who is probably about 3(?), and even does the whole carrying the kid under the arm thing if he starts to get out control. His wife on the other hand, is a very charming and polite Asian woman. I have only met her once or twice though as he usually comes in alone to fuel his habit.
Another one of my least favorites is known by some as Drooly, or by me as Quasimoto...and yeah, the nickname is as mean as it sounds (I never said I wasn't a horrible person). He's got some sort of obvious physical impairments, I can't really be sure what or why.. maybe the result of a stroke among other things, who knows, personally I find him somewhat revolting (mostly because of the drool). Anyway, he always comes in looking for old, bad shows from the 70s and 80s like the Brady Bunch and the Partridge Family or whatnot and asks us to put them on hold of we ever get them in, or something that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense of you have any cohesive idea about how the retail system works. Then he will proceed to recite his name, address, and phone number to quickly for you to write down even if you weren't already in the middle of something else anyway, and then goes on his merry way.
I will end my list with one of the regulars that totally creeped me out today and a little story.
As this guy isn't one of the hardcore regulars (although I haven't really defined how often one needs to come in to be a regular) and there are still too many possibilities to narrow it down to one, I haven't quite come up with an appropriate nickname for him yet. He's been in a few times I've been working there, and seems to be under the impression that I am good at listening to people... which may be true in that I have the ability to appear as though I am listening, but I generally don't give a shit. Its likely that I perfected this skill as I was a bartender, because thats another situation where people come in and just want to chat, and I'll tell ya, its not always easy to hold a completely worthless conversation while maintaining a facade of interest.... The first time I talked to this guy, I gave my usual, polite, socially acceptable greeting of "Hey, how are ya?" as I tend to do while walking around the store making my presence known and just as I hope to not encounter I get the fountain of misery and life story of this kid who is probably the same age as I, and apparently going through a quarter-life crisis of some sort. So, as I do actually have some sympathy for those the midst of it, I reply with a host of appropriate generic responses like "Oh yeah, I know what you mean" or "Yeah, thats never easy," and that sort of thing... One very important BS-ing skill that I don't have nearly enough ranks in is Feigning Sympathy. In a situation that requires this skill I tend to fail miserable, but this guy didn't seem to notice except for the fact that I didn't back away slowly like I wished I had, and stood there pretending to care about what he was blathering on about. He didn't seem like that bad of a guy, I even tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because of my actual sympathy for being stuck in the QLC, but he is also one of those people that wears sunglasses indoors, and that is, unless for medical purposes, inexcusably, socially unacceptably, rude. He walks kind of hunched over too. Honestly, if he wasn't a jackass wearing sunglasses, whining, hunchback with a really bad haircut shaved on the sides, he'd almost be kind of attractive. Anyway, its blindingly apparent that this kid has some major issues that he's not getting the appropriate attention for and is most likely very emotionally unstable, and I don't really want to be talking to him about his life in the middle of my store while I'm trying to at least pretend to get something done. And this was my first impression.
So, he comes in today, and I think to myself "Oh Boy, here we go again" and I realize a moment too late that I've already uttered the default greeting and, to my dismay, get the response of "Not so well today." Seeing no way to avoid this not so subtle cue I grit my teeth and ask "Oh, and why is that?" which is of course answered with something that someone trying to be polite behind a cash register obviously doesn't want to hear he responds with "I'm going to a wake later today." Awesome! Here we go again! YaY!
Then I have to stop for a moment and think because, as I said sympathy responses for people I don't care about are not innate actions: Going to a wake + appropriate response + 3 = "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Mr. Sunshine seems to find that acceptable and responds -"Yeah, its for my Great Aunt." My response: Dead Aunt + Not same response as before + 3 = "Oh, thats too bad" (+ attempt at fake sympathyface). "Yeah, she used to talk to me about the occult and folklore and stuff." Me: "O RLY?" Then he goes on a little bit about his aunt and that wakes are hard to go to and then says "I'm sorry I have no one else to talk to about it. thank you for listening" I think I hid the feeling of horror pretty well with what I thought to be a well calculated response of "Ok, well, take care." Kind of generic, but appropriate still... and he thanks me again and leaves. At this point I kind of take a second to observe anyone else in the surrounding area to see if they thought that was kind of strange, but they're just chilling there staring at all of the awesome action figures behind the counter in a daze. So, I give a brief summary of him to some of my co-workers to see if anyone else thinks thats a little bit creepy, and obviosly they do. I continue the day dedicated to my project of updating the Blackboard that is behind the counter, and then its just about time for me to go and... Oh boy, guess who's back. So I pretend that I didn't see him and go to the computer because its easier to look busy when you have a computer in front of you... The other employees are tied up in various projects, or on the registers so its just me and the computer.
"Hey, i just got back from the wake."
"Oh, that doesn't sound like much fun" (yeah... my arsenal of 3 or 4 responses had been used up already)
"Yeah, i just wanted to come back and talk to you"
"Oh god..."
haha, just kidding
"Oh?" (Trying not to actually say "oh god" in an exasperated tone and Im thinking it)
"Yeah, im sorry I shouldn't have said that"
"No, thats ok...." (Uh... can't think of anything else not mean to say...)
"Im sorry...."
"Its ok..." (Ok, you can go away now)
"I'm sorry, i probably just kicked myself in the ass for saying that"
"Well I appreciate the thought, Uh... I hope your day is going better..." (Oh man this kid needs some serious therapy if he's not already in it)
"I'm...I'm sorry...." and then hunches off into the sunset.
So, now that its time for me to get off work and I'm legitimately creeped out, but not in like a dirty creeped out way... more of a - is this kid going to be waiting by my car, or come back later with a machine gun - kind of creeped out. I decide to stall my exit for a few minutes just in case he hasn't quite left the premises yet, and tell the other girls what happened to see of that registered as high on the creepy scale as I thought. So, as I said this kid seems rather unstable as it is, I'm a little concerned that I'll be seeing him again to apologize for being a weirdo and start crying, or with a trench coat and a machine gun...I'm not really sure... Hopefully neither. I'll be bringing my pepper spray and flamethrower with me to work from now on, just in case.
This concludes your installment of The Regulars at Store 26.
If I think of any more tomorrow, I will be sure to add them to the list....
And remember kids: Don't be nice to strangers, eventually it will backfire...
(ps: dont mind the spelling and grammatical errors... i dont feel like proof reading... maybe later)
I think the time has come for me to list some of our store's most colorful regulars. Even though my store is in a mall, it still attracts people who just can't stay away. There are even some that are known in some of our closer, and my old store in Natick. Some of them are loved, some of them are feared, either way, they get assigned nicknames...
I'll start off with one of the most widely feared regulars between many of the stores - Used CD /SuperAudio Buying Guy. This name may seem pretty generic, and it is because we can't think of a better one, but this is one that we dread. This guy is not mean, he doesn't give us a hard time, he doesn't complain at all, he goes through the whole store, picks out huge stacks of used CDs, looks through every one of them at the front counter, and buys about half of them, which ends up being anywhere between 300 and 600 dollars on used CDs. This range is due mostly to the selection differences between stores as Natick has about twice the CD selection that we have... He always seems to pick the worst times to visit us, but he only comes out every month, so of course, I felt it was necessary to develop a theory which I will enlighten you with: He lives in a basement which he is locked in for 3 months at a time or so, and only allowed one day of freedom to the outside world which he chooses to spend at Newbury Comics buying used CDs with whatever budget he is granted. He has to check through every one of them because he only is allowed out so rarely and won't be able to exchange them because the policy is 30 days. All in All he's not a bad guy, I always greet him and as if there is anything I can help him with, or make him some counter space, after all he does spend hundreds of dollars on CDs upon each visit, as well as almost always buying the entire SuperAudio section which no one else buys... The reason behind the fear of his arrival, aside from standing at the counter looking through the CDs where he doesnt really get in anyone's way, but its awkward when you're on the registers, is that stack that he leaves behind for us to put away afterwards. It doesnt bother me as much as some people, there was actually one account of him actually putting them back as he went along... To this day we don't know what the deal with that was, but we will wonder for an eternity.
The Next is actually the most dreaded, and he is widely known as Smithereens Guy. He is not a regular to any one store in particular, but to many. He doesn't look like much from afar, but when he starts talking there is no escape. He will ask you your name, your favorite bands and inevitably at some point during the conversation...if you like the Smithereens...every fucking time. He usually has some form of representation for them such as a hat, T-shirt, or button, which he will also point to upon speaking their name. He seems to visit my store more than Natick, but he earned the same nickname there as well, and as an isolated event. The people in my store didn't know he went to the other stores as well, but it seems he is a regular of the chain because he likes "hanging out with us" as he told me last time he cornered me into conversation. Last time he told me all about some rare live CDs he had acquired, for about 20 minutes... I tried to tell him "yeah, i don't really do live music on CDs" but he proceeded to tell me anyway, while sort of swaying from side to side as he tends to do. We all try to hide because he likes to make sure he talks to everyone, and you really can't just be mean to him, although I heard once, that one of the employees from another store responded to his favorite question with "I fucking HATE the smithereens" which apparently did the trick...Honestly I don't know how credible that story actually is, but it makes me want to try it... My guess is that even if someone did say that, he'd come back the next time and ask again anyway. He does actually seem to be quite knowledgeable though. One of my favorite Smithereens Guy moments, from afar, was when one of the guys was telling him to write a blog about music, which I thought was hysterical because of the implied "so you can leave us the fuck alone," but it was stated as what sounded like a genuine suggestion from far away. But yeah, I suspect, in reality that he is an example of Asperger Syndrome... either way, he drives us all crazy.
Another well-known pain in the ass, and with similar patterns of inescapable conversations, is Jeff Foxworthy Guy, aptly named for his Jeff Foxworthly-like appearance. This guy loves classic rock and comic books... and loves to talk about them to anyone and everyone. He is alway super-excited about everything, sometimes to the point where we start to worry about him having some sort of breakdown in the middle of the store and possibly spontaneous combustion... Fortunately he doesn't stay nearly as long as Smithereens Guy, or talk for quite as long, but he's still a notable character even if just for that moustache...
One of the regulars that I have to hide from because I generally can't stop laughing every time he starts going is Really Loud Guy. He's probably around the same age as I am, although its hard to tell because of his boyish haircut, nerdy classes, and demeanor, but his favorite thing in the world seems to be Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and he likes to express this love at a painfully audible volume. He is very pleased that our prices on Yu-Gi-Oh are cheaper than, either where he works or another places that he goes, I'm not really sure because I'm trying too hard not to start laughing in the first place. Aside from how loud he is, the reaction of the other customers is what really gets me, and if I make eye contact with any of the other staff I know I'm done for. I honestly find him to be more of a source of entertainment than an annoyance.
My Horror Movie Guy is probably one of my favorite regulars. He's a big oafish metal guy with a bowl-type haircut, often seen wearing a Misfits shirt, but if not some other Horror/Metal Shirt whose first words to me, after being referred by another staff member were "Hi, I'm looking for the goriest worst bloodiest horror movies I can find." Naturally, we became quick friends. Ok, well, I don't know if I'd say friends, exactly, he seems more of an apprentice.. little does he know that I haven't seen every horror movie in the section, but he still looks for me to make recommendations which are either my favorites or ones that I've heard good things about. Sometimes, when I run out of ideas I help him look for some that look like they'd be cool, and he is very appreciative of my time and efforts. He often returns and tells me that he was quite satisfied with my recommendations, which is always encouraging. I do get that question every now and again, since I'm currently the horror movie go-to person according to some of the other staff, and its one of my favorites since I get to waste time talking about horror movies, but I don't know nearly as much as I should for this title. Fortunately for My Horror Movie Guy, there is another person coming on-board who far surpasses my knowledge of the Horror section, and will be able to help him reach his true potential.
Another one of my favorites is a Mother-Son Team for who, sadly, I haven't up with a solid nickname for yet aside from Mother-Son Team...Some of the other staff know them because the son went to school in the area, and I'm not really sure of the details with exactly who knows them and why, but anyway... The mother is one of the most pleasant and appreciative people I've ever met, but a little too much to the point where she seems like a complete airhead who talks a little bit too much (the platinum blond hair doesn't help) but you really just can't help but to love her. It always makes me wonder what kind of life she has led, and what it must be like when and if she ever gets angry. I imagine that its something I'll never encounter, but I fear for those who do because It must take something pretty extreme. She almost alway has her son with her, and you know that the spend most of their unoccupied time together as a mother-son team. His primary interests seems to be the same of a 13 year old boy, and there's nothing wrong with that because Magic Cards and Comic Books will always be cool in my mind, but it makes me wonder what these two have been through together to be so close now.
One of the regulars that I seem to be the solitary fan of is Trading Card Guy. There are actually two trading card guys, but I'll get to the other one next. Trading Card Guy comes in like clockwork every Wednesday for the new trading cards. Since we receive shipments on Wednesdays, more often than not, all of the trading cards are still hidden somewhere within the shipment boxes and not particularly easy to access which is why everyone else rolls their eyes when he comes in. I took a liking to Trading Card Guy because he seems to appreciate the effort that I go through to find the new cards through the stacks of boxes in the back room, and buys anywhere from 20 to 120 dollars worth of trading cards. I've spoiled him a little too much though as I used to show him the list of the cards that we were supposed to be getting in and would then be obligated to find, but now as I am stacking the boxes off of the shipment cart I take out the trading cards as I go to save us all the effort later when it might be to busy to spend that much time going through them. I think he's a very nice guy, and I don't mind taking a little bit of extra effort for him, because he does seem to appreciate it and as he comes in every Wednesday at around 5 or 6, making him one of the most regular regulars that we have.
Now, back on the dark side we have The Todd. I have never actually seen this guy in my current store, however, he used to come into Natick all the f-ing time. They have encountered him in our store before though so I felt that he should be included because he is also known as the "Other Trading Card Guy". He's a big goofy guy with crazy blond hair who always seems to be in a hurry and always pays in those gift credit cards. I believe The Todd to be a true victim of a gambling problem, and we think that he pays on the gift card so that his wife won't know where the money is going. The thing about The Todd is that he knows exactly what cards should be there and when and he wants them now. He'd be more than happy to look through the shipment himself so that he didn't have to wait. As you have probably gathered by now, The Todd does not like to wait. Another interesting thing to note is that when The Todd does come in with his family, he seems to pay very little attention to his son, who is probably about 3(?), and even does the whole carrying the kid under the arm thing if he starts to get out control. His wife on the other hand, is a very charming and polite Asian woman. I have only met her once or twice though as he usually comes in alone to fuel his habit.
Another one of my least favorites is known by some as Drooly, or by me as Quasimoto...and yeah, the nickname is as mean as it sounds (I never said I wasn't a horrible person). He's got some sort of obvious physical impairments, I can't really be sure what or why.. maybe the result of a stroke among other things, who knows, personally I find him somewhat revolting (mostly because of the drool). Anyway, he always comes in looking for old, bad shows from the 70s and 80s like the Brady Bunch and the Partridge Family or whatnot and asks us to put them on hold of we ever get them in, or something that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense of you have any cohesive idea about how the retail system works. Then he will proceed to recite his name, address, and phone number to quickly for you to write down even if you weren't already in the middle of something else anyway, and then goes on his merry way.
I will end my list with one of the regulars that totally creeped me out today and a little story.
As this guy isn't one of the hardcore regulars (although I haven't really defined how often one needs to come in to be a regular) and there are still too many possibilities to narrow it down to one, I haven't quite come up with an appropriate nickname for him yet. He's been in a few times I've been working there, and seems to be under the impression that I am good at listening to people... which may be true in that I have the ability to appear as though I am listening, but I generally don't give a shit. Its likely that I perfected this skill as I was a bartender, because thats another situation where people come in and just want to chat, and I'll tell ya, its not always easy to hold a completely worthless conversation while maintaining a facade of interest.... The first time I talked to this guy, I gave my usual, polite, socially acceptable greeting of "Hey, how are ya?" as I tend to do while walking around the store making my presence known and just as I hope to not encounter I get the fountain of misery and life story of this kid who is probably the same age as I, and apparently going through a quarter-life crisis of some sort. So, as I do actually have some sympathy for those the midst of it, I reply with a host of appropriate generic responses like "Oh yeah, I know what you mean" or "Yeah, thats never easy," and that sort of thing... One very important BS-ing skill that I don't have nearly enough ranks in is Feigning Sympathy. In a situation that requires this skill I tend to fail miserable, but this guy didn't seem to notice except for the fact that I didn't back away slowly like I wished I had, and stood there pretending to care about what he was blathering on about. He didn't seem like that bad of a guy, I even tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because of my actual sympathy for being stuck in the QLC, but he is also one of those people that wears sunglasses indoors, and that is, unless for medical purposes, inexcusably, socially unacceptably, rude. He walks kind of hunched over too. Honestly, if he wasn't a jackass wearing sunglasses, whining, hunchback with a really bad haircut shaved on the sides, he'd almost be kind of attractive. Anyway, its blindingly apparent that this kid has some major issues that he's not getting the appropriate attention for and is most likely very emotionally unstable, and I don't really want to be talking to him about his life in the middle of my store while I'm trying to at least pretend to get something done. And this was my first impression.
So, he comes in today, and I think to myself "Oh Boy, here we go again" and I realize a moment too late that I've already uttered the default greeting and, to my dismay, get the response of "Not so well today." Seeing no way to avoid this not so subtle cue I grit my teeth and ask "Oh, and why is that?" which is of course answered with something that someone trying to be polite behind a cash register obviously doesn't want to hear he responds with "I'm going to a wake later today." Awesome! Here we go again! YaY!
Then I have to stop for a moment and think because, as I said sympathy responses for people I don't care about are not innate actions: Going to a wake + appropriate response + 3 = "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Mr. Sunshine seems to find that acceptable and responds -"Yeah, its for my Great Aunt." My response: Dead Aunt + Not same response as before + 3 = "Oh, thats too bad" (+ attempt at fake sympathyface). "Yeah, she used to talk to me about the occult and folklore and stuff." Me: "O RLY?" Then he goes on a little bit about his aunt and that wakes are hard to go to and then says "I'm sorry I have no one else to talk to about it. thank you for listening" I think I hid the feeling of horror pretty well with what I thought to be a well calculated response of "Ok, well, take care." Kind of generic, but appropriate still... and he thanks me again and leaves. At this point I kind of take a second to observe anyone else in the surrounding area to see if they thought that was kind of strange, but they're just chilling there staring at all of the awesome action figures behind the counter in a daze. So, I give a brief summary of him to some of my co-workers to see if anyone else thinks thats a little bit creepy, and obviosly they do. I continue the day dedicated to my project of updating the Blackboard that is behind the counter, and then its just about time for me to go and... Oh boy, guess who's back. So I pretend that I didn't see him and go to the computer because its easier to look busy when you have a computer in front of you... The other employees are tied up in various projects, or on the registers so its just me and the computer.
"Hey, i just got back from the wake."
"Oh, that doesn't sound like much fun" (yeah... my arsenal of 3 or 4 responses had been used up already)
"Yeah, i just wanted to come back and talk to you"
"Oh god..."
haha, just kidding
"Oh?" (Trying not to actually say "oh god" in an exasperated tone and Im thinking it)
"Yeah, im sorry I shouldn't have said that"
"No, thats ok...." (Uh... can't think of anything else not mean to say...)
"Im sorry...."
"Its ok..." (Ok, you can go away now)
"I'm sorry, i probably just kicked myself in the ass for saying that"
"Well I appreciate the thought, Uh... I hope your day is going better..." (Oh man this kid needs some serious therapy if he's not already in it)
"I'm...I'm sorry...." and then hunches off into the sunset.
So, now that its time for me to get off work and I'm legitimately creeped out, but not in like a dirty creeped out way... more of a - is this kid going to be waiting by my car, or come back later with a machine gun - kind of creeped out. I decide to stall my exit for a few minutes just in case he hasn't quite left the premises yet, and tell the other girls what happened to see of that registered as high on the creepy scale as I thought. So, as I said this kid seems rather unstable as it is, I'm a little concerned that I'll be seeing him again to apologize for being a weirdo and start crying, or with a trench coat and a machine gun...I'm not really sure... Hopefully neither. I'll be bringing my pepper spray and flamethrower with me to work from now on, just in case.
This concludes your installment of The Regulars at Store 26.
If I think of any more tomorrow, I will be sure to add them to the list....
And remember kids: Don't be nice to strangers, eventually it will backfire...
(ps: dont mind the spelling and grammatical errors... i dont feel like proof reading... maybe later)