I'm sorry for the person I became
Who: Axel and Roxas
What: Axel's just finished his second dream vision, and is seriously not in a good frame of mind. So he talks to Roxas
When: Night 249
Where: Their house
Notes: Backdated aim log that I haven't posted yet :/
The front door of their house (once Larxene's) banged open somewhere around 10 pm and Axel staggered in, his face white and his hands shaking. His eyes were rimmed in red, though, and it looked as if he'd been crying, of all things. He went straight to the couch and sank down, placing his head in his hands and giving a very shuddering sob.
Roxas had been reading over the journals when Axel came in-- he'd known that Axel was going to talk to Sho and meet Riku and he had planned to demand a retelling of the conversations. That was changed when he saw exactly what his best friend looked like. "Axel? What happened?"
Axel's head snapped toward the direction of Roxas's voice - he looked started, and surprised that Roxas was there. For a few seconds, it seemed as though Axel was trying to separate reality from dreams, and then he sighed, looking more relieved than ever. "It's really you, right?"
"Yea..." The blonde teen had absolutely no idea what was going on here. He walked over to Axel, standing next to him. "Are you ok? You don't look like it."
He was incredibly disoriented. Axel glanced nervously around the room, before looking back at Roxas. "I don't know. I just... well I thought I did. I died. ... We died."
"Died?" Well, he was definitely was alive... maybe he had seen a vision like last week. He hoped that wasn't it, though. "We're not dead, Axel. It was a dream or a vision or... something."
"A vision," Axel stated clearly. "I had one last week too, of the future. I know it happens, Roxas. It was too real to be a dream."
Roxas was quiet for a minute, thinking that over. So... they were going to die. He wasn't really surprised by this-- everyone died at some point, and Nobodies seemed to go quicker than others-- but that couldn't have been a fun thing to see.
And then, Axel laughed. "Of all the ways I DIDN'T expect to die! Oh sure, I expected brainwashed-you to kill me when I saw it last week, or Saix, or Xemnas... but THAT? Holy shit."
"Brainwashed-me?" Axel hadn't told him about anything he had seen last week. He was a little glad to find out that he didn't have anything to do with Axel's death, or assumed that much anyway.
"DiZ kidnaps you and sticks you inside a holographic Twilight Town, so Namine can restore Sora's memories." Axel really hadn't wanted to tell Roxas about that part of his vision from last week, but at the moment, he couldn't really even process what was happening.
That explained his own vision... but he hadn't thought of that as a possibility and he preferred it that way. Though it reminded him of something he had asked Namine when she had noticed the crystals. 'If something is going on, do you really want to know?' He doubted he would have been happier in ignorance either... Roxas looked back at the redhead, not sure what to say or even do. Sora probably would have just hugged him by now.
Axel was staring at the ceiling. "... I sacrificed my own life to save Sora."
"You did what?" Axel sacrificed his life for someone? What had happened between now and this vision?
"Yeah, figured that's what you would say." Axel sighed. "I guess I was thinking to hell with it, I had nothing left to live for... and then I met you again and...."
Axel sat up. "Roxas, do you have a heart?"
Roxas stared at him. "...We're Nobodies, Axel." He felt that this should speak for himself, but he raised a hand to his chest just to make sure.
"And who told you that Nobodies have no heart?"
"Everyone?" Xemnas, Zexion, Larxene, he thought even Axel had said it once...
"And who do you think 'everyone' learned it from? What do YOU think, Roxas? Screw what the higher-ups have said, what do YOU think?"
The blonde was silent again (he seemed to be doing that a lot in this conversation). "Sometimes... I don't know." How did you tell if you had a heart or not? There were times when it felt so real, but how would they really know?
Axel didn't know what came over him, but without warning, he grabbed Roxas and hugged him, before realizing what he was doing and letting the teen go.
The fact remained, though - those words rang true in his head. Roxas... even now, although they hadn't known each other for long... made him feel as though he had a heart.
There were a lot of unexpected things happening tonight. There was a brief moment while Roxas looked up at Axel in disbelief, because it wasn't like either of them hugged people for no reason. What was the reason? "...Do you think I do?" he asked after a minute.
He had to think about it. "I... yeah. I do," Axel asserted. After all he'd seen and felt in those brief visions - even if they were short they were still REAL and they were still so INTENSE.
He frowned, hand back over his chest and thinking. "But if Sora has his heart, then... where did this one come from?"
"Hell if I know."
Roxas let his hand drop, leaning back on the sofa. Nothing in Rivelata made sense.
"What terrifies me, Roxas... I don't know who I am anymore."
Roxas looked over at him. "What do you mean?"
Axel waved a hand. "Everything I thought to be true about myself changes in only a year. And I know it happens but it hasn't happened YET. I don't know."
"Well, it hasn't happened yet," Roxas said, though was pretty sure this wasn't any consolation, "If you're going to judge who you are, then do it by now and not something that's going to happen later."
"... What if I don't want to be the person I am now?" Axel asked quietly.
"That isn't obvious?" Roxas asked, "Then you do something about it."
Axel only looked at his knees. It was fine, right... but how?
The teen watched him for a moment before trying again. "Maybe you should just try. Who knows, that might work fine."
The redhead looked back up at Roxas, appearing much younger than he was. "You think so?"
Roxas nodded. "I don't think you've got anything to lose by trying it." Except maybe some dignity, depending one what he did.
"what do you think I should do?"
"I don't know. What do you want to change?"
"good question"
Roxas looked back over to him. "If you don't know what you want to change, then why do you want to change?"
Axel didn't know the answer, so he just sat there, chewing on his lip.
He didn't press anymore, just staying by his friend.
"Would you be sad if I died, Roxas?"
What kind of a question was that? "...Yea."
"Why?"
"Well, we're friends, aren't we?"
Axel smiled softly. "Yeah. We are."
What: Axel's just finished his second dream vision, and is seriously not in a good frame of mind. So he talks to Roxas
When: Night 249
Where: Their house
Notes: Backdated aim log that I haven't posted yet :/
The front door of their house (once Larxene's) banged open somewhere around 10 pm and Axel staggered in, his face white and his hands shaking. His eyes were rimmed in red, though, and it looked as if he'd been crying, of all things. He went straight to the couch and sank down, placing his head in his hands and giving a very shuddering sob.
Roxas had been reading over the journals when Axel came in-- he'd known that Axel was going to talk to Sho and meet Riku and he had planned to demand a retelling of the conversations. That was changed when he saw exactly what his best friend looked like. "Axel? What happened?"
Axel's head snapped toward the direction of Roxas's voice - he looked started, and surprised that Roxas was there. For a few seconds, it seemed as though Axel was trying to separate reality from dreams, and then he sighed, looking more relieved than ever. "It's really you, right?"
"Yea..." The blonde teen had absolutely no idea what was going on here. He walked over to Axel, standing next to him. "Are you ok? You don't look like it."
He was incredibly disoriented. Axel glanced nervously around the room, before looking back at Roxas. "I don't know. I just... well I thought I did. I died. ... We died."
"Died?" Well, he was definitely was alive... maybe he had seen a vision like last week. He hoped that wasn't it, though. "We're not dead, Axel. It was a dream or a vision or... something."
"A vision," Axel stated clearly. "I had one last week too, of the future. I know it happens, Roxas. It was too real to be a dream."
Roxas was quiet for a minute, thinking that over. So... they were going to die. He wasn't really surprised by this-- everyone died at some point, and Nobodies seemed to go quicker than others-- but that couldn't have been a fun thing to see.
And then, Axel laughed. "Of all the ways I DIDN'T expect to die! Oh sure, I expected brainwashed-you to kill me when I saw it last week, or Saix, or Xemnas... but THAT? Holy shit."
"Brainwashed-me?" Axel hadn't told him about anything he had seen last week. He was a little glad to find out that he didn't have anything to do with Axel's death, or assumed that much anyway.
"DiZ kidnaps you and sticks you inside a holographic Twilight Town, so Namine can restore Sora's memories." Axel really hadn't wanted to tell Roxas about that part of his vision from last week, but at the moment, he couldn't really even process what was happening.
That explained his own vision... but he hadn't thought of that as a possibility and he preferred it that way. Though it reminded him of something he had asked Namine when she had noticed the crystals. 'If something is going on, do you really want to know?' He doubted he would have been happier in ignorance either... Roxas looked back at the redhead, not sure what to say or even do. Sora probably would have just hugged him by now.
Axel was staring at the ceiling. "... I sacrificed my own life to save Sora."
"You did what?" Axel sacrificed his life for someone? What had happened between now and this vision?
"Yeah, figured that's what you would say." Axel sighed. "I guess I was thinking to hell with it, I had nothing left to live for... and then I met you again and...."
Axel sat up. "Roxas, do you have a heart?"
Roxas stared at him. "...We're Nobodies, Axel." He felt that this should speak for himself, but he raised a hand to his chest just to make sure.
"And who told you that Nobodies have no heart?"
"Everyone?" Xemnas, Zexion, Larxene, he thought even Axel had said it once...
"And who do you think 'everyone' learned it from? What do YOU think, Roxas? Screw what the higher-ups have said, what do YOU think?"
The blonde was silent again (he seemed to be doing that a lot in this conversation). "Sometimes... I don't know." How did you tell if you had a heart or not? There were times when it felt so real, but how would they really know?
Axel didn't know what came over him, but without warning, he grabbed Roxas and hugged him, before realizing what he was doing and letting the teen go.
The fact remained, though - those words rang true in his head. Roxas... even now, although they hadn't known each other for long... made him feel as though he had a heart.
There were a lot of unexpected things happening tonight. There was a brief moment while Roxas looked up at Axel in disbelief, because it wasn't like either of them hugged people for no reason. What was the reason? "...Do you think I do?" he asked after a minute.
He had to think about it. "I... yeah. I do," Axel asserted. After all he'd seen and felt in those brief visions - even if they were short they were still REAL and they were still so INTENSE.
He frowned, hand back over his chest and thinking. "But if Sora has his heart, then... where did this one come from?"
"Hell if I know."
Roxas let his hand drop, leaning back on the sofa. Nothing in Rivelata made sense.
"What terrifies me, Roxas... I don't know who I am anymore."
Roxas looked over at him. "What do you mean?"
Axel waved a hand. "Everything I thought to be true about myself changes in only a year. And I know it happens but it hasn't happened YET. I don't know."
"Well, it hasn't happened yet," Roxas said, though was pretty sure this wasn't any consolation, "If you're going to judge who you are, then do it by now and not something that's going to happen later."
"... What if I don't want to be the person I am now?" Axel asked quietly.
"That isn't obvious?" Roxas asked, "Then you do something about it."
Axel only looked at his knees. It was fine, right... but how?
The teen watched him for a moment before trying again. "Maybe you should just try. Who knows, that might work fine."
The redhead looked back up at Roxas, appearing much younger than he was. "You think so?"
Roxas nodded. "I don't think you've got anything to lose by trying it." Except maybe some dignity, depending one what he did.
"what do you think I should do?"
"I don't know. What do you want to change?"
"good question"
Roxas looked back over to him. "If you don't know what you want to change, then why do you want to change?"
Axel didn't know the answer, so he just sat there, chewing on his lip.
He didn't press anymore, just staying by his friend.
"Would you be sad if I died, Roxas?"
What kind of a question was that? "...Yea."
"Why?"
"Well, we're friends, aren't we?"
Axel smiled softly. "Yeah. We are."