10.30.12 -- Shit
What if I said I was a liar, would you believe me? If I said I was hurt, would you come to my aid? If I said I loved you, would you tell me back?My heart doesn't think so. And yet I cling to you. My feelings, I can't stop them from washing over, smothering me.
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Every thought, every moment dwells on you in some way. It hurts, our love, as we've held it in our hands for this time, and are still holding it. Let it blossom, but it's too soon. It will always be to soon.
My heart screams, and my eyes close. To thoughts of you, and your gentle touch, your kind words. Everything hits me and sinks in, I just don't show it. Everything you do, say, and give to me I hold so dear.
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I feel so strongly for you now, but you are still growing into it. I want to feel your arms hold me.
Just hold me, I won't ask for anything more. I feel so broken, and you can pick me up, if you want to.
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I have secrets, things I want to tell you, but it has to be by mouth, text is too hard to get them out with. We need time, a quiet place, and maybe a few hours. Time.
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Something we never have much of together and I hate it. It tears me up and makes me feel so bad when we part.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder huh? Well my heart is as fond of you as it can be for now, and it aches, my eyes water, and I get so frustrated, thinking of you. Not that it's bad to think about you. I always do.
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I await the day we can wake to see each others face, and smile in the early morning. To go on a date and run home in the rain. To laugh till we cry, go see a movie by ourselves, just sit and talk over Popcorn and Milk (Yes I'm weird)
Someday all this may happen. It's what I hope.
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I lay awake most nights and think. When will we move forward? Waiting hurts. Sleeping alone hurts. Never getting any calls from you hurts. Just talking though the computer is not enough, ever.
I feel like I'm being selfish, but I am. I'm possessive, and I love you so much, I'm afraid to even stop thinking of you even for a moment.
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Who would ever want to touch me? I despise my body, yet I love you and yours so much. It's not possible....people have told me, how can you love another if you can't love yourself. And yet it is. I'd do anything for you.