Got the urge to squeeze Lindsey tight, dragging him almost up onto his chest. Had a sudden worry fill him, fear.
What if Lindsey really didn't want any of this? Sad to say, it had been a mistake to sire him. Now that he had him, though, Spike wouldn't change it for the world.
But would Lindsey?
Could tell this one was a free spirit, not tied down by anyone. And here he was, curled up like a housecat at Spike's side. Is that how the tie was supposed to work? Total love and devotion?
Damn Angelus for fucking up the whole mess. If he'd been brought up right, he'd know.
Settled for rubbing Lindsey's back, purring low as he just soaked up the feel of him. Memorizing it for later when his boy had to go.
Grunted as he was squeezed and pulled into Spike's chest, muscles lax and loose as he sprawled lazily, body relaxed while his mind was whirling. Unable to stop all the what ifs and whys.
His back arched as Spike slid a hand down it, the sensation of that and the purr under his chest almost enough to ease the buzz in his mind but the feelings were just too unfamiliar to totally quiet down.
A good part of him wanted to rebel simply because the bond made it impossible to be away from him, another part was terrified of what it would be like later if he lost him which made him want to get away as fast as he could before it got worse.
The rest of him was clinging tightly to every moment of this, soaking up every sensation, not realizing until Spike grunted that he was clinging in reality as well. Body sprawled boneless but his nails hooked in and digging hard.
Hissed at the sharp bites of Lindsey's nails, running his hands up to massage and remove those tense fingers from his skin. "It's alright, lovely. I'm right here. Got the whole night ahead of us."
Could sense the unease in the other vampire, the confusion, uncertainty. Ran his hand through the thick brown waves as he sighed.
Stiffened slightly, before relaxing again, flexing his fingers before curling them loosely.
Shifted.
How did you tell the one person you wanted and needed so much you couldn't survive if they weren't pressed up against you that you wanted to get as far away from them as possible just because of that compulsion?
Shook his head, muttering, "Naw, m'fine," into the side of Spike's throat, the stroking of his hair making him dozey and warm, easing some of the clenching feelings.
Wanted to clear all the confliction from the vampire, but Spike didn't know how. Not when he and his bond with Lindsey may just be the problem.
Settled for stroking his childe's back, letting the lasitude melt into his body. Savored the feel of Lindsey snuggling closer into him with every passing second.
Releived Spike didn't press it because he honestly didn't know how to express what was wrong, he sucked his lower lip into his mouth and worried it, fingers flexing, then curling again as he tried to not sink them in like before.
Pressed his forehead against the side of his sire's neck and frowned, trying to still his mind. Hating that all the conflicting emotions were making it hard to savor the time he had with him.
Why didn't they wait to gnaw at him when he was holed up at Angel's with tremors wracking his body as he paced or stared at the wall.
Made a soft, lost sound, trying to press in even closer, though he'd have to crawl inside him to manage.
Sighed and let himself get crawled on, his heart hurting. Didn't know what to do and fuck that made him want to break things.
"Listen, luv." He cradled Lindsey's head, fingers playing in his hair. "Know this is hard, all of it. But..." He fought not to swallow, "Whatever your decision is, I just want to see you happy."
Smiled and tugged playfully at his hair, trying to forget the melacholy moment. "A vampire the likes of which no one has seen."
Went still, resting his chin on Spike's shoulder, arching a brow. Confused and unsettled.
"Decision about what?"
Had he missed something, somewhere? He'd thought there was no choice, could be no choice. Felt his throat close at the thought Spike could/would give him one.
Wasn't a choice for him. He couldn't survive, could barely handle the daylight hours without going mad.
Which was why it was so hard to beleive Spike and Angel didn't feel this, constantly yearning and aching.
Felt his throat close up. Begged Lindsey with his eyes to please, not make him say it. Not out loud.
"I..." He tried to breath, anything. Anything to get this panic, fear, out of him. "Just...if you decide to run on your own someday, without..." He couldn't say it. "I'd try very hard to respect it."
"Don't know how I'd survive it, but I'd try to give you what you wanted. I just know you've never been the one to let anyone hold you down, is all. Seen it in your eyes, before." He covered his own eyes, cursing hard. "Fuck, just don't want you to hate me, pet. For whatever reason."
He felt his whole body tremble, mind forcibly shoving any thought about the future away. If the future held the option of not having this, he wanted no part of it.
Cursed it as a weakness but he couldn't stop his body from sliding over Spike's, feeling skin to skin from head to toes as he burrowed in, nails once again digging their way into Spike's shoulders, arms. Nearly desperate with a need to reassure, get reassurance.
Placed harsh sucking kisses up Spike's neck, jaw, anywhere he could reach as he shook his head, unable to voice any of what he was feeling right then.
All the fear and anxiety of losing Lindsey to things out of his control broke at the rough, almost painful kisses his childe laid on him.
Pulled him in close, holding him tight as if he was trying to get away. Shivered as he let his head fall back, throat exposed. Let one of his hands run up into his hair.
"God, wish I could explain it but I love you so much, pet. Lindsey..."
Went still, mind spinning at that. He'd known, of course, could feel it, see it.
But he hadn't realized how badly he'd needed to hear it right then until he did. Swallowed, his eyes sliding closed as he breathed in, then out, slowly.
Feeling some of the franticness, desperation, ease though the fear and strangling need to run was still there.
Whispered soft into his neck, plaintive, almost lost sound in his voice at odds with the words.
Spike shushed him, kissing up his shoulder, arm, anything he could reach. "I know, Lindsey. I know, can't explain it."
And he couldn't. Hadn't been like this with Angelus, maybe it had been like this with Dru before he realized how dotty she really was. But he doubted it. This was something new, unknown.
Had fallen real hard. Hopefully it would last.
Hummed and cooed, hand stroking his hair over and over. "Mine, you're my childe. Got you."
He shuddered once before settling, his skin touching Spike's everywhere it possibly could as he soaked in the touches and words passively. Letting them drive away all the conflicting needs until there was only his sire's voice in his head, only his touch.
Somehow it was soothing that Spike seemed as confused as he was, as unused to this. Though a part of him would have prefered if Spike'd had all the answers.
Nuzzled into his neck, kisses less frantic, hard, though his nails still lightly kneaded at his sire's shoulders every now and again.
The gentle kisses shook Spike harder than any violent one, arms convulsing tight around Lindsey's back. Wanting him close, fused together with him, all the time.
Shushed and hummed softly into his childe's hair, thoughts settling into simply comfort, nearness. Shivered and wrapped a leg around Lindsey's shin, wrapping around him any way possible.
He grunted but shivered in contentment at the hard, tight grip, the feeling of being unable to breathe somehow comforting. Wanted in even closer.
Moaned a little, making soft sounds deep in his throat unconciously as the smell of Spike, the taste of his skin under his mouth and the craving for the blood just under the thin skin of his throat making him mouth a little more insistantly under his jaw, nails pricking harder.
What if Lindsey really didn't want any of this? Sad to say, it had been a mistake to sire him. Now that he had him, though, Spike wouldn't change it for the world.
But would Lindsey?
Could tell this one was a free spirit, not tied down by anyone. And here he was, curled up like a housecat at Spike's side. Is that how the tie was supposed to work? Total love and devotion?
Damn Angelus for fucking up the whole mess. If he'd been brought up right, he'd know.
Settled for rubbing Lindsey's back, purring low as he just soaked up the feel of him. Memorizing it for later when his boy had to go.
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His back arched as Spike slid a hand down it, the sensation of that and the purr under his chest almost enough to ease the buzz in his mind but the feelings were just too unfamiliar to totally quiet down.
A good part of him wanted to rebel simply because the bond made it impossible to be away from him, another part was terrified of what it would be like later if he lost him which made him want to get away as fast as he could before it got worse.
The rest of him was clinging tightly to every moment of this, soaking up every sensation, not realizing until Spike grunted that he was clinging in reality as well. Body sprawled boneless but his nails hooked in and digging hard.
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Could sense the unease in the other vampire, the confusion, uncertainty. Ran his hand through the thick brown waves as he sighed.
"Somethin' we need to talk about?"
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Shifted.
How did you tell the one person you wanted and needed so much you couldn't survive if they weren't pressed up against you that you wanted to get as far away from them as possible just because of that compulsion?
Shook his head, muttering, "Naw, m'fine," into the side of Spike's throat, the stroking of his hair making him dozey and warm, easing some of the clenching feelings.
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Settled for stroking his childe's back, letting the lasitude melt into his body. Savored the feel of Lindsey snuggling closer into him with every passing second.
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Pressed his forehead against the side of his sire's neck and frowned, trying to still his mind. Hating that all the conflicting emotions were making it hard to savor the time he had with him.
Why didn't they wait to gnaw at him when he was holed up at Angel's with tremors wracking his body as he paced or stared at the wall.
Made a soft, lost sound, trying to press in even closer, though he'd have to crawl inside him to manage.
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"Listen, luv." He cradled Lindsey's head, fingers playing in his hair. "Know this is hard, all of it. But..." He fought not to swallow, "Whatever your decision is, I just want to see you happy."
Smiled and tugged playfully at his hair, trying to forget the melacholy moment. "A vampire the likes of which no one has seen."
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"Decision about what?"
Had he missed something, somewhere? He'd thought there was no choice, could be no choice. Felt his throat close at the thought Spike could/would give him one.
Wasn't a choice for him. He couldn't survive, could barely handle the daylight hours without going mad.
Which was why it was so hard to beleive Spike and Angel didn't feel this, constantly yearning and aching.
Reply
"I..." He tried to breath, anything. Anything to get this panic, fear, out of him. "Just...if you decide to run on your own someday, without..." He couldn't say it. "I'd try very hard to respect it."
"Don't know how I'd survive it, but I'd try to give you what you wanted. I just know you've never been the one to let anyone hold you down, is all. Seen it in your eyes, before." He covered his own eyes, cursing hard. "Fuck, just don't want you to hate me, pet. For whatever reason."
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Cursed it as a weakness but he couldn't stop his body from sliding over Spike's, feeling skin to skin from head to toes as he burrowed in, nails once again digging their way into Spike's shoulders, arms. Nearly desperate with a need to reassure, get reassurance.
Placed harsh sucking kisses up Spike's neck, jaw, anywhere he could reach as he shook his head, unable to voice any of what he was feeling right then.
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Pulled him in close, holding him tight as if he was trying to get away. Shivered as he let his head fall back, throat exposed. Let one of his hands run up into his hair.
"God, wish I could explain it but I love you so much, pet. Lindsey..."
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But he hadn't realized how badly he'd needed to hear it right then until he did. Swallowed, his eyes sliding closed as he breathed in, then out, slowly.
Feeling some of the franticness, desperation, ease though the fear and strangling need to run was still there.
Whispered soft into his neck, plaintive, almost lost sound in his voice at odds with the words.
"Want you, need you, love you, it's terrifying."
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And he couldn't. Hadn't been like this with Angelus, maybe it had been like this with Dru before he realized how dotty she really was. But he doubted it. This was something new, unknown.
Had fallen real hard. Hopefully it would last.
Hummed and cooed, hand stroking his hair over and over. "Mine, you're my childe. Got you."
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He shuddered once before settling, his skin touching Spike's everywhere it possibly could as he soaked in the touches and words passively. Letting them drive away all the conflicting needs until there was only his sire's voice in his head, only his touch.
Somehow it was soothing that Spike seemed as confused as he was, as unused to this. Though a part of him would have prefered if Spike'd had all the answers.
Nuzzled into his neck, kisses less frantic, hard, though his nails still lightly kneaded at his sire's shoulders every now and again.
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Shushed and hummed softly into his childe's hair, thoughts settling into simply comfort, nearness. Shivered and wrapped a leg around Lindsey's shin, wrapping around him any way possible.
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Moaned a little, making soft sounds deep in his throat unconciously as the smell of Spike, the taste of his skin under his mouth and the craving for the blood just under the thin skin of his throat making him mouth a little more insistantly under his jaw, nails pricking harder.
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