I need help in modulating a response: words fail me

[ritaxis]

Warning: really offensive "racial" ideas in a Sims context.  Especially in the linked bit, but the quote is bad enough.

In a Sims forum I read and post to, I saw this request:

(how do you get those lines on the side of a block quote that show it is in fact a block quote and not your own words?  I would hate to have anybody think I wrote this stuff)

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Comments

[ocotillo_dawn]

I think you hit the right tone. Before you posted your ideas, I was actually thinking I'd stay out of it, but very concerned for what I see a lot, which is jumping down the throats of dumb kids -- when they really do mean well at heart.

Problem with getting too angry with people for being this clueless is that when people feel shame, they adopt a defensive position, and will often dig their trenches deeper.

But your post is constructive and compassionate, and instead of saying 'you are offensive' it says, 'this could be construed as offensive' (edit: eek! offensive, not 'defensive'!).

Others might call it 'mealy mouthed' but in a situation like this, I think a gentle touch is far more helpful.

One note: she will probably still respond defensively, perhaps even angrily. And my opinion is that if she does, either don't respond, or respond with a "I gave you the information, it's up to you to decide what to do with it" kind of response. Often people react negatively in the moment, but as long as they aren't forced to really defend their position, will think about it later, continue to think about it, and eventually come around. Planting a seed, is all, and you might not ever see that particular one grow into a tree.

Just my opinion.

[ocotillo_dawn]

Just a thought -- teenage girls (and maybe boys, but I'm thinking about girls since I was one) often do this sort of thing: fetishizing the other. Princesses, gypsies, indians, gay men, turning them into beautiful caricatures. In an adult, that is offensive. But in a young girl/teenager, I find it less so. I see it as part of the process of them learning about the world and the people in it. I did it. Swoooooned over ideals of what "Indian people" were like (I usually chose SW indians, pueblo especially). This did NOT translate into an adult who thought this way, in fact, I'd venture that it was a first step in me learning to admire what was not me.

So don't get angry or overly frustrated. You might not like the step she is on, but the staircase may be going to a very good place.