A plane ride's worth of journal entries re-typed here for viewing pleasure.
2:35PM
Miami was pretty. Have achieved those pesky sun freckles all over my face. There were a lot of tan, pierced teenagers sitting by the pool yesterday. I tried not to feel so momentously awkward walking by. The only person I enjoyed passing was a slightly chubby boy my age sitting with his parents, reading Franny and Zooey. An overweight man after my own heart.
2:57PM
The next time you hear someone say "Before you exit the aircraft, we've prepared a little Southwest medley for you-", close your ears.
3:41PM
Did the man sitting next to me with the chili pepper tie actually go to a store looking specifically for spicy business attire? Or is he just incredibly hilarious and ironic? Thoughts for another day.
5:00PM
I am not lying when I tell you that the 2 year old in front of me just picked her nose, stuck her hand through the crack in the seats, and let the baby booger drop to the floor at my feet. Cheers, toddler.
5:10PM
Upon second inspection, 2 year old nose-picker is a boy. He has recently waged a war with me involving us pointing fingers at each other and making shooting sounds. I think he might be winning. I am destined for motherhood.
7:00PM
You know what's awesome? When a thunderstorm re-routes your plane to Indianapolis. We've been on this plane since 2pm. And, to top it all off, there is a couple my age sitting behind me, perpetually fawning over each other. The boy is named John. He keeps laying all over his girlfriend and she keeps exclaiming, "John, what ARE you doing?!" And I keep wanting to get off this plane.
7:39PM
In the event that one's plane is sitting on the runway for hours at a time, one must look to its passengers for friendship and romance. For example, whilst in line for the lav, I stood in front of this adorkable guy wearing Michael Cera-esque clothes. I do love a boy who is cute enough to pull off the grandpa look. I adjusted my sweatshirt and bit my lip. My peripherals informed me that he was looking at me. I, therefore, proceeded to make extremely attractive faces. I'm pretty sure we're in love.
7:51PM
Also, my friendship with Boogie McPicksalot is developing swimmingly. Has really taken to leaning over the seat and growling at Jules and me. Quite a powerful little voicebox he's got indeed.
8:20PM
Finding it increasingly difficult to come up with excuses for venturing to the back of the plane where my grandfather love interest resides. In other news, do fancy myself quite brilliant with children. Have successfully begun a drawing correspondence with my 2 year old bff. It goes like this: I draw him a kitten, he draws lopsided circles everywhere. I draw him a duck, he scribbles all over the duck. It's kind of a deep connection. Sincerely hope I do not lose my mind onboard this 737 from hell. It's already making me wonky.
8:55PM
One regret harboring in my stomach (somewhat literally, I'm afraid): eating the soggy frings we stored so soundly in styrofoam from the airport three lightyears ago (this morning.) Other than that, cuisine has consisted of peanuts and a melted cliff bar I found in my backpack. Can feel organs conspiring in revolt. To whom I say, "Sorry boys, Mama was hungry."
12AM
We're home. Shall never travel again.
Miami was pretty. Have achieved those pesky sun freckles all over my face. There were a lot of tan, pierced teenagers sitting by the pool yesterday. I tried not to feel so momentously awkward walking by. The only person I enjoyed passing was a slightly chubby boy my age sitting with his parents, reading Franny and Zooey. An overweight man after my own heart.
2:57PM
The next time you hear someone say "Before you exit the aircraft, we've prepared a little Southwest medley for you-", close your ears.
3:41PM
Did the man sitting next to me with the chili pepper tie actually go to a store looking specifically for spicy business attire? Or is he just incredibly hilarious and ironic? Thoughts for another day.
5:00PM
I am not lying when I tell you that the 2 year old in front of me just picked her nose, stuck her hand through the crack in the seats, and let the baby booger drop to the floor at my feet. Cheers, toddler.
5:10PM
Upon second inspection, 2 year old nose-picker is a boy. He has recently waged a war with me involving us pointing fingers at each other and making shooting sounds. I think he might be winning. I am destined for motherhood.
7:00PM
You know what's awesome? When a thunderstorm re-routes your plane to Indianapolis. We've been on this plane since 2pm. And, to top it all off, there is a couple my age sitting behind me, perpetually fawning over each other. The boy is named John. He keeps laying all over his girlfriend and she keeps exclaiming, "John, what ARE you doing?!" And I keep wanting to get off this plane.
7:39PM
In the event that one's plane is sitting on the runway for hours at a time, one must look to its passengers for friendship and romance. For example, whilst in line for the lav, I stood in front of this adorkable guy wearing Michael Cera-esque clothes. I do love a boy who is cute enough to pull off the grandpa look. I adjusted my sweatshirt and bit my lip. My peripherals informed me that he was looking at me. I, therefore, proceeded to make extremely attractive faces. I'm pretty sure we're in love.
7:51PM
Also, my friendship with Boogie McPicksalot is developing swimmingly. Has really taken to leaning over the seat and growling at Jules and me. Quite a powerful little voicebox he's got indeed.
8:20PM
Finding it increasingly difficult to come up with excuses for venturing to the back of the plane where my grandfather love interest resides. In other news, do fancy myself quite brilliant with children. Have successfully begun a drawing correspondence with my 2 year old bff. It goes like this: I draw him a kitten, he draws lopsided circles everywhere. I draw him a duck, he scribbles all over the duck. It's kind of a deep connection. Sincerely hope I do not lose my mind onboard this 737 from hell. It's already making me wonky.
8:55PM
One regret harboring in my stomach (somewhat literally, I'm afraid): eating the soggy frings we stored so soundly in styrofoam from the airport three lightyears ago (this morning.) Other than that, cuisine has consisted of peanuts and a melted cliff bar I found in my backpack. Can feel organs conspiring in revolt. To whom I say, "Sorry boys, Mama was hungry."
12AM
We're home. Shall never travel again.