blaaarragghhhhmm.
so. you know that feeling that you got freshman year? when you finally realized that you were ACTUALLY going to college there. that it was your home. that you were NOT at summer camp anymore. well, maybe it was just me. but I can remember that feeling, it was later than this in the fall. and I was walking by the swing on the heart. to somewhere. and I smelled the fall air and looked around at the beautiful late afternoon sun filtering through all of the trees. and felt like, oh. I am home. and I had teh same feeling two years earlier at MSSM, walking down the hallway towards the glass doors that let us into the upper lobby of the dorms. and it smelled like mssm summer camp (from three? four? years earlier) but I realized it WASNT camp. it was my life. I was home. I thought maybe those feelings came from my experiences transitioning from a one time summer experience like MSSM summer camp or EC Explore-A-College....but. today. on the bus, riding by harvard medical school all marble and columns and green green grass and warm fall afternoon sunlight flitering through the trees on their green...I felt it again. but this time it wasnt exactly the sigh of relief that I had experienced in the past. it wasnt the "oh, thank gosh I'm home" -- it WAS the same I LIVE HERE. I WORK HERE. and ITS BEAUTIFUL and EXCITING here. but with it came this incredible twang of longing for old and familiar things...like ec's tiny campus where I never had to take two busses and a train to get to class or my job. or like my closest friends who are all spread out though most importantly not spread out near enough to me that I can spend time with them.
that feeling is compounded by the fact that a teacher at school asked me today if I know anyone who babysits (she said -- hey, you're right out of college, right??) and I had to admit that I dont just not know anyone who babysits -- I just plain dont know anyone. I just moved here. I sit at home alone or with my roommate all week and do nothing. ouch.
and maybe compounded even more by the fact that I dont really have any f*cking idea what I would like to do with my life! I feel like if I opt out of my MAT/MA spanish duel degree I was sort of lieing about my plans to get my job, which would be lame...not that they would stop loving me...they wouldnt. but i dont know if that's what I want to do anymore.
I've been thinking a whole lot about getting a nursing degree (or maybe two? BSN and MSN? I wonder if I can just skip to the MSN? no, probably not without studying any science in college)...did I mention this before? well. skip ahead if I have, but I am going to go on to this rant again -- sometimes I think my interest in nursing comes mostly from my love of medical television (scrubs, grey's and house!) and my jealousy of people wearing scrubs on the bus in the morning when I am dressed up and feeling crappy about it. but it also comes from my ever present desire/need to help people. and I think I started thinking about it when dan r. (of earlham fame) emailed me over the summer and mentioned that I reminded him of an alum who got a nursing degree after earlham and now works out of alaska and spends most her time traveling. as a nurse you ALWAYS have a job. and it ALWAYS pays OK. even GOOD in some places. simmons and emmanuel (both next door to where I work practically - simmons is where I was looking anyways) both have part time nursing programs. I think I will request information. or maybe I will go back and get my BSN and THEN go back and get my MAT/MA?? I know, I know. I could go part time for the BSN while I work at winsor. and then after, I could go back part time for hte MAT and MA and stay at winsor UNTIL my teaching time, then I would have to teach full time at a public school (I think, though I was hoping to work it out so that I could teach part time at winsor for longer) and could work nursing in evenings and on weekends? and want to die because teaching is hard enough, but add working as a nurse to that? good lord. what am I talking about!?!
but tonight is choir! yay!
and also, sunday evening leemabe called me all the way from guatemala. that was neat.
and also, we went to dinner at emily's with her parents and it was homey and lovely. and abby and I are BOTH going home to maine this weekend for the commonground fair. and THAT is awesome.
that feeling is compounded by the fact that a teacher at school asked me today if I know anyone who babysits (she said -- hey, you're right out of college, right??) and I had to admit that I dont just not know anyone who babysits -- I just plain dont know anyone. I just moved here. I sit at home alone or with my roommate all week and do nothing. ouch.
and maybe compounded even more by the fact that I dont really have any f*cking idea what I would like to do with my life! I feel like if I opt out of my MAT/MA spanish duel degree I was sort of lieing about my plans to get my job, which would be lame...not that they would stop loving me...they wouldnt. but i dont know if that's what I want to do anymore.
I've been thinking a whole lot about getting a nursing degree (or maybe two? BSN and MSN? I wonder if I can just skip to the MSN? no, probably not without studying any science in college)...did I mention this before? well. skip ahead if I have, but I am going to go on to this rant again -- sometimes I think my interest in nursing comes mostly from my love of medical television (scrubs, grey's and house!) and my jealousy of people wearing scrubs on the bus in the morning when I am dressed up and feeling crappy about it. but it also comes from my ever present desire/need to help people. and I think I started thinking about it when dan r. (of earlham fame) emailed me over the summer and mentioned that I reminded him of an alum who got a nursing degree after earlham and now works out of alaska and spends most her time traveling. as a nurse you ALWAYS have a job. and it ALWAYS pays OK. even GOOD in some places. simmons and emmanuel (both next door to where I work practically - simmons is where I was looking anyways) both have part time nursing programs. I think I will request information. or maybe I will go back and get my BSN and THEN go back and get my MAT/MA?? I know, I know. I could go part time for the BSN while I work at winsor. and then after, I could go back part time for hte MAT and MA and stay at winsor UNTIL my teaching time, then I would have to teach full time at a public school (I think, though I was hoping to work it out so that I could teach part time at winsor for longer) and could work nursing in evenings and on weekends? and want to die because teaching is hard enough, but add working as a nurse to that? good lord. what am I talking about!?!
but tonight is choir! yay!
and also, sunday evening leemabe called me all the way from guatemala. that was neat.
and also, we went to dinner at emily's with her parents and it was homey and lovely. and abby and I are BOTH going home to maine this weekend for the commonground fair. and THAT is awesome.