(no subject)
vent session... you may want to skip this entry:
the p's won't let me go out tonight. and when i asked why thinking "hey did i do something wrong?" they fuckin yell at me for asking and say "because i said so". nothing like a little unwarranted bitchiness to get your own blood flowing.
then i get to hear from both of my sisters how i am such a horrible sister because i am never around. and how i never do anything. and all i want to do is hang out with friends. and how i act like jenn (what ever the fuck that means)
dinner is all about deep questions that my fucking mom decides to ask. "what have you heard me say the most this year?" and after our replies "so. i never say anything nice?" fuck her. if she says something nice, it definitely isn't what i hear the most. oh and as far as my new year goal (to keep busy and not waste anytime. to enjoy and make the most of this year of highschool), its not good enough. apparantly i need to "focus more on my grades and not let them slip like i have lately"
"so charisse b's and a's are good enough for you now... well just think of college and how you need to prepare yourself.its going to cost thousands of dollars to get you into even an instate one... i don't know how we are going to work this out now" fuck that shit. i am in all fucking AP classes and stugo this semester. if she was banking on a scholarship to get me through college than thats her own fault. if she thinks that my grades aren't good enough for any scholarship than thats her own fault. and if she quit her job, bought new funiture for her room, and is planning to get an addition we don't need? that is her fucking fault. i don't like it when people hold shit over my head. she can either stop bitching about it like a fucking martyr OR i will put myself through college. i don't need favors.
then i got to clean up the huge turkey dinner we had by myself because i "am never around and i don't do anything around the house and all i do is hang out with friends. and i have been out everynight". coincidently, i had already offered to do it earlier... i just needed to get the same lecture for the third time tonight before i could do it.
all of this is punctuated by my sister saying "charisse, YOU don't seem to be having a good time. why don't you like being with us?" or "i used to think you were a good sister. but not anymore" or "charisse, don't you need to be doing this?" or "charisse! you said a bad word! don't say "god! say gosh! MOM!!"
of course this all is making me choose to stay home more. god its winter break. the end of it. why do i need to spend it here when i will be spending the next sixth months in line.
i feel better now.
god. fuck them all. i am pretty sure that none of us would take this from anyone we knew... why do we have to take it from our families?
the p's won't let me go out tonight. and when i asked why thinking "hey did i do something wrong?" they fuckin yell at me for asking and say "because i said so". nothing like a little unwarranted bitchiness to get your own blood flowing.
then i get to hear from both of my sisters how i am such a horrible sister because i am never around. and how i never do anything. and all i want to do is hang out with friends. and how i act like jenn (what ever the fuck that means)
dinner is all about deep questions that my fucking mom decides to ask. "what have you heard me say the most this year?" and after our replies "so. i never say anything nice?" fuck her. if she says something nice, it definitely isn't what i hear the most. oh and as far as my new year goal (to keep busy and not waste anytime. to enjoy and make the most of this year of highschool), its not good enough. apparantly i need to "focus more on my grades and not let them slip like i have lately"
"so charisse b's and a's are good enough for you now... well just think of college and how you need to prepare yourself.its going to cost thousands of dollars to get you into even an instate one... i don't know how we are going to work this out now" fuck that shit. i am in all fucking AP classes and stugo this semester. if she was banking on a scholarship to get me through college than thats her own fault. if she thinks that my grades aren't good enough for any scholarship than thats her own fault. and if she quit her job, bought new funiture for her room, and is planning to get an addition we don't need? that is her fucking fault. i don't like it when people hold shit over my head. she can either stop bitching about it like a fucking martyr OR i will put myself through college. i don't need favors.
then i got to clean up the huge turkey dinner we had by myself because i "am never around and i don't do anything around the house and all i do is hang out with friends. and i have been out everynight". coincidently, i had already offered to do it earlier... i just needed to get the same lecture for the third time tonight before i could do it.
all of this is punctuated by my sister saying "charisse, YOU don't seem to be having a good time. why don't you like being with us?" or "i used to think you were a good sister. but not anymore" or "charisse, don't you need to be doing this?" or "charisse! you said a bad word! don't say "god! say gosh! MOM!!"
of course this all is making me choose to stay home more. god its winter break. the end of it. why do i need to spend it here when i will be spending the next sixth months in line.
i feel better now.
god. fuck them all. i am pretty sure that none of us would take this from anyone we knew... why do we have to take it from our families?