I'm not bitter anyway, but I didn't want it to turn out this way
The next sign that I'm ready to head home (apart from the thing where I don't sleep)? I have just been spiteful and mean all of yesterday, and today was the first time that I just left class for a while. Spiteful not so much in action as in thought and LACK of action and the inability to make eye contract with people who annoy me. I can only be sympathetic when the situation REALLY calls for it and beyond that I'm just over other people and their drama. I have been for a while. I think I'm heading inside myself to live for a while.
I'm quiet about some things and talk too much about others and I realize it while it's happening. time to make sure I do analysis about whether things really need to be said BEFORE I open my mouth. I'm getting better at this already though.
We're all in a little more hell everyday, I think. We took a written communications test yesterday and THAT was boring as fuck. And I just don't care. Apparently our oral exams are next week. I wonder if they're going to tell us whether we improved and by how much. Probably 1/2 a point. I wonder if fonetics counts because apart from occassional problems arising from not knowing the stress of a word, I'm pretty strong at it.
I'm pretty restless and lonely right now. I think that may be contributing to the sleeping problem. Restless in that I want to find my home in someone and every six months or so I meet someone I could build my world around and every time the offer is rejected in some way. I don't have a love life because even a simple attraction life for me is a bust. this is the point where things are desperate enough that I settle; no matter how empty compasionship is, it's still companionship. I'm able to trick myself into things that's OK on occasion. I really wish I didn't.
I'm quiet about some things and talk too much about others and I realize it while it's happening. time to make sure I do analysis about whether things really need to be said BEFORE I open my mouth. I'm getting better at this already though.
We're all in a little more hell everyday, I think. We took a written communications test yesterday and THAT was boring as fuck. And I just don't care. Apparently our oral exams are next week. I wonder if they're going to tell us whether we improved and by how much. Probably 1/2 a point. I wonder if fonetics counts because apart from occassional problems arising from not knowing the stress of a word, I'm pretty strong at it.
I'm pretty restless and lonely right now. I think that may be contributing to the sleeping problem. Restless in that I want to find my home in someone and every six months or so I meet someone I could build my world around and every time the offer is rejected in some way. I don't have a love life because even a simple attraction life for me is a bust. this is the point where things are desperate enough that I settle; no matter how empty compasionship is, it's still companionship. I'm able to trick myself into things that's OK on occasion. I really wish I didn't.