Complete Update!
YESTERDAY---->
Today-well lets see i havent posted in a while.. so whats been going on.. me and randi got in a fight.. grr.. im getting over it cuz 1. i beggining to not care anymore.. 2.its in god's hands so its his will... stuffs been going on at home with the kids again.. michael came up tonight with a friend emily..she was pretty cool...hmm...i had a surprise for thomas tonight :) for his gift i got him a picture of us together and put it in a frame..and got him a keychain..and a card thats all mushy haha... and it was in a manly pink sack with little red hearts with pink tissue paper..but then i wrote this big letter thing and wrote out like everything we've done since we met eachother (it was a list sort of thing) and printed it off...then i made the actual list in a bigger font and printed them off hole punched them and put shiny ribbon through them..then i had this idea to set up a table and make it all pretty...mom had the table up and table cloth when i got home i got out our fancy plates and glasses and made some food we had cheezy biscuts, choclate dipped strawberrys,grapes,and cheesecake with strawberries, and mt. dew to drink (all his fav. things) then i had a candle on the table and no lights on... it was fun i had all the little ribbon tied messages all over the table..then i had all our songs on a mix cd playing while we ate it was pretty cool... then he gave me the coolest gift..he made me a black box that has carvings on the side.. (he did this all himself) and its awesome..it has jack from nightmare before christmas on it.. and a heart a gram..and the love symbol..and its just awesome..and then 6 beautiful dark red roses in a pretty little vase..and it yesh it was pretty and awesome.. :) mom got me a fall out boy zip up hoodie..that has a broken heart on ethier side ..a spiffy little fairy statue..and a little baby box of russel stovers choclate :D mmmmm good stuff...but i had a pretty good day!!!!
School-has been really dull lately.. no fun stuff happening a kid in the freshmen class rolled his car twice and walked away.. i was freaked out cuz he's one of my buds.. so ya.. and the freaky thing was it was the night of the 11th and iris and aj and emily both had there accidents on the 12th so i was sorta weirded out.. but hey....Mr. ross had us write a paper over evolution vs. creation ..boy did i have fun with that.. he said i made some good points but docked me 10 points cuz i didnt have enough examples from movies and handouts which is stupid becuase how do we give our opinion but yet give examples..and the movies and handouts were basically over evolution so it was against what i was writing about so i ya..oh well.. i got my point across :)
Home-is pretty crazy were gonna go get the boys this weekend i think and dez..so thats should be fun...things with the boys are kinda odd right now but im not getting into that lets just say there angels are working overtime... my uncle..isnt doing better or worse so thats good..my aunt chrisee has lupus which is like arthritis...so she's having some testing and such done...things are just weird.. oh well
Friends-Confusing stuff i know im losing randi but yet it seems like she doesnt want to be my friend sometimes..and thats all up to her not me..i respect her descion ethier way.
this is it for now im gonna prolly post some writing.. so here goes...this is stuff i wrote throughout today..
You know you've hit bottom when you see those teary eyes staring back at you in the mirror. When the empty souless body speaks and startles you. When your own sucidial thoughts scare you. Becuase you dont know whats going to happen when you have a breakdown and your drawers of scissors,blades,and pills taunt you with past pain. When your own family and closet friends is whats driving you insane. When everytime your alone your scared because of what you might do. When you realize thats no ammount of pills could make you feel ok for just 5 minutes. All the sharp objects in the world couldnt please your destructive habits. Not enough paper could express everythings thats going through your brain. All the beautiful blue eyes, couldnt make you fall in love again. I've hit bottom....
im done posting for tonight i'll post more tommrow
TODAY--->
well right now im at my grandma's on her slow stupid laptop.. but oh well..it kicked me off my e-mail so i was like ya..grrr.. so now im here being bored..and wishing i could go hang out with my friends.. ive been doing a lot of thinking lately about family..friends...love..everything ya know the usal stuff a teenager with uncontorable hormones thinks about.. and well im soo confused.. my headaches are killing me but mom doesnt seem to care and wont take me to the doctor..soo grr..my meds ran out a long time ago... so ive been weird.. the other night i had a lovely breakdown one of my worst that ive had in a long time.. so im scared of myself again.. glad i didnt do anything .. like i usally do when i get stupid like that.. today mom woke me up at like 8 this morning my first day off school.i wanted to sleep GRRR but i had to go to her swim class with her cuz i had a hair appt. afterwards... so went to that.. read my book the whole time.. then we went to the thrift store for a while..and i found a new dressy shirt and a crazy shirt so i was pumped...then we went and got our hair cut.. ya its ok i really wanted something crazy but mom kept saying i just loved your hair the last time you got it cut so i got it pretty much the same way.. woo.. not really...then we went to wal-mart and then onto subway for lunch..then we went to the libary and i got a like 3 poetry books..and since about 1:30 ive been here at grandma's reading and eating cuz i swear she's trying to fatten me up for some weird cult haha im kidding.. but ya.. i guess i dont have much else to talk about i'll prolly post some writing when i get home which wont be till prolly after 10 o'clock..cuz thats when mom gets off work but anywho im leaving for now.. were gonna go watch t.v. bye bye -rissa-
? Bloody Valentine ?
The night you died my tears became dry i formed a weak smile and kissed my lover, my ex threw me over i sank so deep. So my boyfriend told me he'd take care of things he followed him home and slit his throat slowly and told him he shouldnt have hurt me. He left a note explaining the half lie/half truth. Then he came and tapped on my window slightly of course i let him in he gave me a hug then turned on the radio. NEWS FLASH....NEWS FLASH.... came through the speakers young boy dead. We dont have many details but it looks like sucicide, Another trajic death a teen gone. My eyes formed that single tear, it hit the floor and i began to say My Bloody Valentine i kissed him lightly and told him to get out. I screamed this doesnt seem real,why would you kill him? i know im messed up but you killed him...you killed him...now my first love is gone so goodbye my bloody valentine Goodbye... the smile formed now the tears are gont i love you truly my bloody valentine the confusion still lives in me to this day. But i feel more complete so relieved.....
-rissa-
enjoy :)
Today-well lets see i havent posted in a while.. so whats been going on.. me and randi got in a fight.. grr.. im getting over it cuz 1. i beggining to not care anymore.. 2.its in god's hands so its his will... stuffs been going on at home with the kids again.. michael came up tonight with a friend emily..she was pretty cool...hmm...i had a surprise for thomas tonight :) for his gift i got him a picture of us together and put it in a frame..and got him a keychain..and a card thats all mushy haha... and it was in a manly pink sack with little red hearts with pink tissue paper..but then i wrote this big letter thing and wrote out like everything we've done since we met eachother (it was a list sort of thing) and printed it off...then i made the actual list in a bigger font and printed them off hole punched them and put shiny ribbon through them..then i had this idea to set up a table and make it all pretty...mom had the table up and table cloth when i got home i got out our fancy plates and glasses and made some food we had cheezy biscuts, choclate dipped strawberrys,grapes,and cheesecake with strawberries, and mt. dew to drink (all his fav. things) then i had a candle on the table and no lights on... it was fun i had all the little ribbon tied messages all over the table..then i had all our songs on a mix cd playing while we ate it was pretty cool... then he gave me the coolest gift..he made me a black box that has carvings on the side.. (he did this all himself) and its awesome..it has jack from nightmare before christmas on it.. and a heart a gram..and the love symbol..and its just awesome..and then 6 beautiful dark red roses in a pretty little vase..and it yesh it was pretty and awesome.. :) mom got me a fall out boy zip up hoodie..that has a broken heart on ethier side ..a spiffy little fairy statue..and a little baby box of russel stovers choclate :D mmmmm good stuff...but i had a pretty good day!!!!
School-has been really dull lately.. no fun stuff happening a kid in the freshmen class rolled his car twice and walked away.. i was freaked out cuz he's one of my buds.. so ya.. and the freaky thing was it was the night of the 11th and iris and aj and emily both had there accidents on the 12th so i was sorta weirded out.. but hey....Mr. ross had us write a paper over evolution vs. creation ..boy did i have fun with that.. he said i made some good points but docked me 10 points cuz i didnt have enough examples from movies and handouts which is stupid becuase how do we give our opinion but yet give examples..and the movies and handouts were basically over evolution so it was against what i was writing about so i ya..oh well.. i got my point across :)
Home-is pretty crazy were gonna go get the boys this weekend i think and dez..so thats should be fun...things with the boys are kinda odd right now but im not getting into that lets just say there angels are working overtime... my uncle..isnt doing better or worse so thats good..my aunt chrisee has lupus which is like arthritis...so she's having some testing and such done...things are just weird.. oh well
Friends-Confusing stuff i know im losing randi but yet it seems like she doesnt want to be my friend sometimes..and thats all up to her not me..i respect her descion ethier way.
this is it for now im gonna prolly post some writing.. so here goes...this is stuff i wrote throughout today..
You know you've hit bottom when you see those teary eyes staring back at you in the mirror. When the empty souless body speaks and startles you. When your own sucidial thoughts scare you. Becuase you dont know whats going to happen when you have a breakdown and your drawers of scissors,blades,and pills taunt you with past pain. When your own family and closet friends is whats driving you insane. When everytime your alone your scared because of what you might do. When you realize thats no ammount of pills could make you feel ok for just 5 minutes. All the sharp objects in the world couldnt please your destructive habits. Not enough paper could express everythings thats going through your brain. All the beautiful blue eyes, couldnt make you fall in love again. I've hit bottom....
im done posting for tonight i'll post more tommrow
TODAY--->
well right now im at my grandma's on her slow stupid laptop.. but oh well..it kicked me off my e-mail so i was like ya..grrr.. so now im here being bored..and wishing i could go hang out with my friends.. ive been doing a lot of thinking lately about family..friends...love..everything ya know the usal stuff a teenager with uncontorable hormones thinks about.. and well im soo confused.. my headaches are killing me but mom doesnt seem to care and wont take me to the doctor..soo grr..my meds ran out a long time ago... so ive been weird.. the other night i had a lovely breakdown one of my worst that ive had in a long time.. so im scared of myself again.. glad i didnt do anything .. like i usally do when i get stupid like that.. today mom woke me up at like 8 this morning my first day off school.i wanted to sleep GRRR but i had to go to her swim class with her cuz i had a hair appt. afterwards... so went to that.. read my book the whole time.. then we went to the thrift store for a while..and i found a new dressy shirt and a crazy shirt so i was pumped...then we went and got our hair cut.. ya its ok i really wanted something crazy but mom kept saying i just loved your hair the last time you got it cut so i got it pretty much the same way.. woo.. not really...then we went to wal-mart and then onto subway for lunch..then we went to the libary and i got a like 3 poetry books..and since about 1:30 ive been here at grandma's reading and eating cuz i swear she's trying to fatten me up for some weird cult haha im kidding.. but ya.. i guess i dont have much else to talk about i'll prolly post some writing when i get home which wont be till prolly after 10 o'clock..cuz thats when mom gets off work but anywho im leaving for now.. were gonna go watch t.v. bye bye -rissa-
? Bloody Valentine ?
The night you died my tears became dry i formed a weak smile and kissed my lover, my ex threw me over i sank so deep. So my boyfriend told me he'd take care of things he followed him home and slit his throat slowly and told him he shouldnt have hurt me. He left a note explaining the half lie/half truth. Then he came and tapped on my window slightly of course i let him in he gave me a hug then turned on the radio. NEWS FLASH....NEWS FLASH.... came through the speakers young boy dead. We dont have many details but it looks like sucicide, Another trajic death a teen gone. My eyes formed that single tear, it hit the floor and i began to say My Bloody Valentine i kissed him lightly and told him to get out. I screamed this doesnt seem real,why would you kill him? i know im messed up but you killed him...you killed him...now my first love is gone so goodbye my bloody valentine Goodbye... the smile formed now the tears are gont i love you truly my bloody valentine the confusion still lives in me to this day. But i feel more complete so relieved.....
-rissa-
enjoy :)