Conflict Management, or, Stop Being Babies and Work it Out
Some (although only a small portion and not the main issue) of the reason why my life totally obliterated into a thousand pieces last year was caused by everyone's inability, or unwillingness, to sit down and talk out our issues with each other. In February, one person woke up and decided, seemingly out of the blue, that she didn't want to be my friend and she hated me. Over the next three months, I attempted to get her to pin down a reason WHY, and talk to me about it. I emailed her saying if she would just tell me why then maybe we could talk and figure something out. But apparently it was too late for that. As far as I can tell, because I still don't know for sure, been building hatred towards me since freshman year. Every time we argued or disagreed, she seems to have stored it away in her "I hate Marissa" box, but never took any of it out to talk to me about it so we could resolve something. I never sat her down because I had no idea that there was a problem. When I did realize there was a problem, the box had exploded and sprayed toxic hatred all over me. It was too late. She could go to our "mediator," who turned out to be partial and definitely not neutral, to vent her issues with me. I am guilty of going to this same person to vent my frustration for everything that was going on with her. Although, I did want to talk to her myself, but she would have none of it by that point.
My point here is that when people do not sit and talk things out with each other, major shit will hit the fan. And it has started already. And not with two or three college females. With two men that SHOULD know better. There are definitely gray areas. It seems that there are only two camps: those that hate person B, think he's a liar and a cheat and a thief, and think person A is perfectly reasonable. Then there are those in camp 2 that believe person B either didn't do anything wrong or should be completely forgiven without even figuring out whether he did anything wrong or not, and that person A is a whackjob that needs a life and needs to leave.
I don't agree with these camps at all. I think everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but past behavior points to guilt, or at least the withholding of truth. I think that the whackjob, so to speak, has a point and that we should not turn a blind eye to everything the other person does. On the other hand, I think that the whackjob needs to take a breath and reign in this hatred he seems to be spewing at everyone, including a sweet, innocent 17 year old boy who probably wouldn't say a nasty word to a cockroach.
I am so sick and tired of all of this fighting. Why can't they just get the hell over whatever their problems are and sit down and talk it out? With listening, and not talking unless necessary, witnesses. I don't want my weekend fun times to be ripped apart because two immature men can't handle a simple conversation and resolve their differences like adults. If one turns out to be guilty of what the other is accusing him of, then we will deal with that appropriately and hopefully not turn a blind eye. But, if the person is innocent, I don't think we should kick the accuser out post haste. I think we should find a way to keep everyone together if it is at all possible. Take it from me, don't let it get to the point where the hatred is uncontrollable. People will likely take sides and someone will end up being severely hurt.
This means absolutely nothing to almost everyone, but it was a good way for me to express myself and get my feelings out of my head.
My point here is that when people do not sit and talk things out with each other, major shit will hit the fan. And it has started already. And not with two or three college females. With two men that SHOULD know better. There are definitely gray areas. It seems that there are only two camps: those that hate person B, think he's a liar and a cheat and a thief, and think person A is perfectly reasonable. Then there are those in camp 2 that believe person B either didn't do anything wrong or should be completely forgiven without even figuring out whether he did anything wrong or not, and that person A is a whackjob that needs a life and needs to leave.
I don't agree with these camps at all. I think everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but past behavior points to guilt, or at least the withholding of truth. I think that the whackjob, so to speak, has a point and that we should not turn a blind eye to everything the other person does. On the other hand, I think that the whackjob needs to take a breath and reign in this hatred he seems to be spewing at everyone, including a sweet, innocent 17 year old boy who probably wouldn't say a nasty word to a cockroach.
I am so sick and tired of all of this fighting. Why can't they just get the hell over whatever their problems are and sit down and talk it out? With listening, and not talking unless necessary, witnesses. I don't want my weekend fun times to be ripped apart because two immature men can't handle a simple conversation and resolve their differences like adults. If one turns out to be guilty of what the other is accusing him of, then we will deal with that appropriately and hopefully not turn a blind eye. But, if the person is innocent, I don't think we should kick the accuser out post haste. I think we should find a way to keep everyone together if it is at all possible. Take it from me, don't let it get to the point where the hatred is uncontrollable. People will likely take sides and someone will end up being severely hurt.
This means absolutely nothing to almost everyone, but it was a good way for me to express myself and get my feelings out of my head.