rrrhhhhagrrrrghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
damn. i dont know why, but lately the absolute shittiness of my life has had a bigger impact on my mood that usual. needless to say nathans more than fed up with hearing me bitch, and him being tired of my doesnt make me feel any better. i'm all fucked up, the other day i went to bed at 6 am, and woke up again at 9 pm. thats not right, i dont care who you are. and i've just pulled another all nighter, trying to reset my sleep schedule. its not working so well. i cant deal with anything anymore, life just straight sucks. i dont know where i'll be living next year, my job is shit and i'm underpaid, i'm not having any luck finding a second job to replace the second job that i'm quiting cuz its just not working, let alone finding a job to replace job number one. i see my darling boyfriend once a month, and when i do see him i end up crying all over him and making the week suck, i'm so beyond any kind of broke that i've ever been that i cant even begin to wrap my head around it (oh yeah, not just being dramatic, i'm finacially boned, and at this point i'm just praying that i dont get arrested), i have no one close by that loves me or even likes me enough to hang out when i need to. the last time i got a real hug was when becca left wednesday morning, and i wont get another one until nathan comes back in september. i can never get ahold of my family becuase the refuse to answer the phone, my roommate is a mix of wet blanket and just regular boring girl and its beginning to grate on my nerves, i'm desperately trying to find a roommate to live with me in september or i'll be moving home and living with my sister, and as much as i love my sister i dont want to move home, i'm at that half way sick place that makes you achy and sore and your head feels huge but your not sick enough to get out of work or anything, not that you could anyway cuz you need the hours to pay your bills, theres so much drama at work that i never want to go back anyway, on top of us always being out of something, which gets old fast, i'm fast running out of interesting things to read or watch, and have resorted to playing game after frustrating game of frogger, where i cant get past retro level 5. fucking beavers. theres mold behind my toilet, i'm not sure if my uncle ever got my message and its rather important, i cant afford too, but all i ever want to do anymore is sleep, except at 2 am when i cant sleep to save my life, and i'm lonely and sad and crying all the time and depressed. i havent been depressed since my dad died, and i didnt ever want to be again. i dont like it. so thats my life at present, anybody know a good place to go get hit by a bus? (a bus thats sure to kill me platarat)