sweet misery
i got a job. thats what i really needed, i job, any job. thats really all my perfect life required. and its a good job too, night shifts once i get started, no weekends. it really is everything that i was looking for. ok, so i wouldnt be totally crushed if they wanted to pay me more, but if i get enough hours then minimum wage is ok. this job is good, and i should be thrilled. no, i am thrilled, i'm totally phsyced about the job. what i'm not so very phsyced about is nathan. what pray tell is the point of me getting weekends off, which i worked very hard to do, if i cant even visit him? i know that his reading is very important, and that he needs to suceed in school, but i like to think that i'm pretty damn important too. i'm just being a baby cuz we havent missed a weekend of seeing each other yet, and i ws so proud of that. i'm sure after this we'll miss a lot more weekends. its not a big deal, to anyone but me. i realize that. i know i'm the only one who cares about any of this, and that no, it really doenst matter. but it upsets me anyway. thats what i look forward to, the weekends. i look forward to spending time with nathan and not worrying about anything, just feeling loved and taken care of for a few days. its like a vacation, and even though i havent been doing anything for the past three months, it is in fact very stressful. believe it or not. and hanging out with him was my real down time, and he made me feel better. and i only got that once a week, but now it looks like i'm gonna have to cut that back again. so that joy and happiness i had over getting that job was deflated by not being able to see him. i didnt even get to tell him how great and perfect the schedule was, because he was in a bad mood yesterday and we didnt talk. also not so great. so there you go, i'm the saddest happy girl i know.