the real me
I am an official "Pep Boy." tell me this isn't the greatest irony known to mankind; I love it. yours truly works at the Pep Boys Automotive Service and Retail store in Shadyside Pittsburgh. it's the building right next door to my apartment, not more than a 30-second walk from my front door, much less a 20-minute walk from school. that's right, the most low-key, introverted, cerebral, pretentious muhfugga you know now holds a position that, in some screwed up way, presupposes him as "peppy" and even knowledgable about cars...need I point out the irony? I don't know a "tie rod end" from that one dude's dick which he then tied in a bow because of the problems of it "hanging low" and "dragging thru the snow." I don't know a "universal battery washer" from that shit that they sell on QVC that takes any kind of stain out of every kind of rug. And yet, I sell car parts like they're going outta style (which, of course, as a whole, they aren't). And you know what else I realized since I've begun working at Pep Boys? I don't really give a fuck! as in, "if the sun refused to shine, I don't mind...if all the hippies cut off all their hair, I don't care." 'cause I too have "got my own world to live through," and I'm gradually realizing that it's mostly in my head. most days I don't care if I live or die because, given the scope of my daily illusion, either way I'll go on daydreaming and, hence, existing in some way. life is so ridiculous sometimes; that I enjoy. it's when it gets so incredibly dry that the intensity of my desire for a "fantasy world" overwhelms me that I become uber-neurotic...and I begin to think that this is truly when I become more like everybody else; like the "others," all bound by what I would, in my right mind, call a true neurosis. so whatever. it's all relative to how relative we want it to be in our heads. I still love the majority of you very much, even though I think most of you and everyone else that is not me is full of their own "FDA Certified" brand of shit...the difference being that, for me, it's one of the "givens" of who I am, one of the things that actually makes me fun to be around, or not.
so anyway, this, in a way is God smiling on me. I'm a "Pep Boy" and, hence, have finally gained the title that comes with my being an optimistic "cheerleader" to all of you "self-pitying, pessimistic opportunists" out there that I, with such conviction, call my "friends." where, in reality, The World (which includes many of you) might, in fact, call me the pessimist. so what is at stake here? NOTHING. as you can see, the only real "PEP" I have is something of an acronym for "Pent-up Energy"...but, since that doesn't cut it for fulfilling the remaining "P," we'll just let all undefined variables stand for "Penis," the inevitable unconscious arbiter of my every action...since I, like the rest of you, the whole lot of you, am, by some "omniscient" standard, merely a FREUDIAN PUPPET!
BAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAWAHWHWMAHAHWHWHAHWHAWAWHAWWAWWAAWAWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHMAWHAW!!!
and having ended on that note: I'll take my head out of my ass, if you take yours out of yours and/or whosever ass else it so obstructs.
so anyway, this, in a way is God smiling on me. I'm a "Pep Boy" and, hence, have finally gained the title that comes with my being an optimistic "cheerleader" to all of you "self-pitying, pessimistic opportunists" out there that I, with such conviction, call my "friends." where, in reality, The World (which includes many of you) might, in fact, call me the pessimist. so what is at stake here? NOTHING. as you can see, the only real "PEP" I have is something of an acronym for "Pent-up Energy"...but, since that doesn't cut it for fulfilling the remaining "P," we'll just let all undefined variables stand for "Penis," the inevitable unconscious arbiter of my every action...since I, like the rest of you, the whole lot of you, am, by some "omniscient" standard, merely a FREUDIAN PUPPET!
BAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAWAHWHWMAHAHWHWHAHWHAWAWHAWWAWWAAWAWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHMAWHAW!!!
and having ended on that note: I'll take my head out of my ass, if you take yours out of yours and/or whosever ass else it so obstructs.