I wanted to stay, I wanted to play, I wanted to love you
Well. I suppose it's officially over between Victor and I. He sent me another email (fucking loser). I didn't respond. Maybe it's childish not to, but you wanted to end things in an email, so they're over, what more is there for me to say? We're still in a "facebook relationship," I keep meaning to end it, but I get wicked anxiety whenever I try, which is so dumb, but it's almost like THAT'S what makes it real. It proves that I read the email and that I've accepted it, which I can't say I really have. I miss him so much more lately and I don't know why. Shouldn't it be getting better by now? We've been apart for almost five months now and broken up for more than a month, but it still hurts like it was yesterday, SOMEtimes.
I think part of it is that no one thought we would make it, everyone was betting it would end so much sooner than it did. But WE, or at least I, thought we were invincible. I thought we loved each other enough that nothing would, could, stop it. How utterly naive of me? But when the last thing you said to me in person with tear-stained cheeks was, "we'll make it through this, I know we will," how can I really let it go so easily? I hate him for doing this to me, to us.
OTHER times I'm trying to figure out wtf is going on in Ryan's head. He hung out with Courtney and I and some of her friends the other night. Which marks my first time really being out in public with him, I don't count Riverside or those house parties as "public." Anyway, I don't know if it was just the other night or if that's really how he is, but his behavior towards others left something to be desired. However, his behavior toward me was fine... I think? I don't know, I don't want to talk this to death. I do know that I will scream if one more person tells me I'm too pretty for him haha. I think I'm going to see him on Wednesday, which gives me something to look forward to, I guess.
My favorite moment involving him and his friends the other night: He was leaving work and his friend Will asked what he was doing for the evening. Ryan said going to hang out with me and my friends. Will said, "Oh the girl from the Halloween party? She is hot. Do you think she has any less hot friends because I don't think I could pull a girl as hot as her." I don't know what Ryan's response to that was. No one ended up being interested in Will, haha. And I know it's sort of conceded to have that as a favorite moment, but it was a nice confidence boost, you know? Particularly now when NOTHING is going the way I thought or planned.
Thanksgiving was surprisingly good. Aside from the three of us, my uncle and his girlfriend joined. My uncle drives me INSANE, but I needed the laughs, I haven't been doing that as much lately. If living in Galloway could be like the past three days always I'll have no problem moving back.
Random, when we were out the other night, we ran into Mike Robb, Eric Rembert, and Qian Hall... they were so weird! Well, Mike wasn't, I guess he's the spokesman of the group. But Eric walked away like he didn't want to associate with me and Qian acted like he had no idea who I was. Weird.
Anyway, I'm sick and it sucks. I don't know what I'm sick with because I don't have insurance, so it's a fun adventure, hah. NOT.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
"Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave." Winnie the Pooh
I think part of it is that no one thought we would make it, everyone was betting it would end so much sooner than it did. But WE, or at least I, thought we were invincible. I thought we loved each other enough that nothing would, could, stop it. How utterly naive of me? But when the last thing you said to me in person with tear-stained cheeks was, "we'll make it through this, I know we will," how can I really let it go so easily? I hate him for doing this to me, to us.
OTHER times I'm trying to figure out wtf is going on in Ryan's head. He hung out with Courtney and I and some of her friends the other night. Which marks my first time really being out in public with him, I don't count Riverside or those house parties as "public." Anyway, I don't know if it was just the other night or if that's really how he is, but his behavior towards others left something to be desired. However, his behavior toward me was fine... I think? I don't know, I don't want to talk this to death. I do know that I will scream if one more person tells me I'm too pretty for him haha. I think I'm going to see him on Wednesday, which gives me something to look forward to, I guess.
My favorite moment involving him and his friends the other night: He was leaving work and his friend Will asked what he was doing for the evening. Ryan said going to hang out with me and my friends. Will said, "Oh the girl from the Halloween party? She is hot. Do you think she has any less hot friends because I don't think I could pull a girl as hot as her." I don't know what Ryan's response to that was. No one ended up being interested in Will, haha. And I know it's sort of conceded to have that as a favorite moment, but it was a nice confidence boost, you know? Particularly now when NOTHING is going the way I thought or planned.
Thanksgiving was surprisingly good. Aside from the three of us, my uncle and his girlfriend joined. My uncle drives me INSANE, but I needed the laughs, I haven't been doing that as much lately. If living in Galloway could be like the past three days always I'll have no problem moving back.
Random, when we were out the other night, we ran into Mike Robb, Eric Rembert, and Qian Hall... they were so weird! Well, Mike wasn't, I guess he's the spokesman of the group. But Eric walked away like he didn't want to associate with me and Qian acted like he had no idea who I was. Weird.
Anyway, I'm sick and it sucks. I don't know what I'm sick with because I don't have insurance, so it's a fun adventure, hah. NOT.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
"Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave." Winnie the Pooh