If you're looking for trouble...
So, I'm not completely sure when I started this really awful habit, but it seems to only develop itself more and more as the years go by. I can be in the most incredible relationship, but the second I find out or realize that things aren't what I thought or am implanted with the idea that he isn't being honest, rather than break up with him, I go out of my way to throw everything to shit and ruin both of our lives.
I haven't quite reached that point with Victor yet, but I'm on dangerous ground and it's only a matter of time before I fuck up. He's away this weekend and Courtney put the idea in my head that he might be lying to me, maybe not cheating, but definitely lying and now it's all I can think about.
Of course one of my friends proclaimed his love for me last weekend (what is with my guy friends?!), even though he knows I have a boyfriend, and when he came over last night, it was as if there was no Victor. I flirted and coddled and giggled my way though the evening, knowing full well that even if Victor IS lying, doing what ever I was doing with Mike wasn't going to make things better.
I love Victor, and nothing has happened with Mike. But what if he IS lying to me about something? He very seriously asked me to move to Colorado with him, which should be an entirely different post, but to sum up, I've got an 18 month rule and we've got another year to go before he meets my mom, let alone until I start considering giving up my life (which isn't much) and friends. And the more time I spend with Mike or thinking about the situation, the less I understand about what I'm doing with my life. Fucking it up, as usual, eh?
I haven't quite reached that point with Victor yet, but I'm on dangerous ground and it's only a matter of time before I fuck up. He's away this weekend and Courtney put the idea in my head that he might be lying to me, maybe not cheating, but definitely lying and now it's all I can think about.
Of course one of my friends proclaimed his love for me last weekend (what is with my guy friends?!), even though he knows I have a boyfriend, and when he came over last night, it was as if there was no Victor. I flirted and coddled and giggled my way though the evening, knowing full well that even if Victor IS lying, doing what ever I was doing with Mike wasn't going to make things better.
I love Victor, and nothing has happened with Mike. But what if he IS lying to me about something? He very seriously asked me to move to Colorado with him, which should be an entirely different post, but to sum up, I've got an 18 month rule and we've got another year to go before he meets my mom, let alone until I start considering giving up my life (which isn't much) and friends. And the more time I spend with Mike or thinking about the situation, the less I understand about what I'm doing with my life. Fucking it up, as usual, eh?