Life is so time consuming
Life is possibly the worst joke that could ever be played on anyone. God, I've been in such a terrible state of mind lately...
So, New Year's left a lot to be desired in my life... it was a terrible end to a terrible year, but I suppose that it was only fair, I mean, why have a great ending to something that was so incredibly bad? To those of you that take time to read this, I want you to know that the people that you think are your friends, aren't. The majority only attempts to be friends with someone so that they can get something in return, like advice, a shoulder to cry on, a cigarette, a birthday present ... something. No one in this crappy little country (I don't know enough about other countries to include them in my generalization) cares about anyone else but themself. And if they do care about someone that's not themself, they care about a person that is using them beyond use. Which, I guess, I should put myself in this generalization, but I've never said hello to anyone with hopes of doing anything but making their day a little better. I think I'm one of the few that actually cares about other people... maybe I care too much, no I definitely care too much.
Well, I'm done caring. I am so sick and tired of being everyone else's confidant... where is my confidant? Yeah, thats what I thought. My New Year's resolution is to do all of the things that I claim I will do, but ultimately never end up doing. One of those things is to stop being someone else's shoulder to cry on. And there are people in my life that I feel we have a mutualistic relationship, they should know who they are. But at the same time a majority of the people that are currently in my life are only using me for whatever they need... no more of that!
I remember the beginning of senior year when I was talking to a friend of mine that's a year older and was experiencing the first few months of college. He told me that after everything he only talked to seven people from highschool. Initially that made me so sad because I thought I had the best friends in the whole world, but when senior year ended and college began people changed so much... and now during this break I don't want to be friends with some of them....
I'm sick of feeling bad for people that get more sympathy than a sick person in a hospital (bad comparison, I know). If you've got a problem with me, deal with it, cause chances are I'm dealing with my problem(s) with you. But at the same time deal with it, with me, not with everyone BUT me. I'm an honest person, you'll always get an honest reaction and answer. Stop playing with my head, my heart, my emotions... Stop using me as your post. I am a person too, I have feelings too, I have problems too...
more to come later.... i gotta chill now ...