as time drags on
did you ever notice that in the section of the newspaper that has the obituarys it also has postings of requested marriage licenses? they print beginnings and endings all on the same page. doesn't that seem odd? maybe that's the best way to do it. you get the entire circle of life and "how it should be," all printed in one page, and the rest of the paper is left for what goes on in the middle. i don't know, a thought.
Along with other thoughts - Becky has the most gorgeous body I've ever seen. Truly. Hands down, beautiful. I've never touched skin so soft. I've also never been around someone that smells so good all the time. And she has like, a million different smells on her. Lotion, body wash, shampoo, God only knows what else. She's just gorgeous.
I also just noticed that I went into... capitalizing stuff too. That was odd. Her and Lindsey and I are all going to the park tonight, I think it's Sequiota, over by Galloway. But I'm excited about that, because I'll be with two people that I love spending time with, and I think it's going to be a lot of fun. And! I'm taking the girls. Not that their little asses won't be dragging the ground because they'll have been in daycare all day, but they'll enjoy sniffing around and munching on goose poop. Because, that is after all, what dauchsaunds like to do.
B & I went to go see Mr. & Mrs. Smith on Saturday night. I saw it awhile ago with Jael, but it was worth seeing twice. Aside from freezing and sitting in the very front row, it was great. We went with Becky's sister and her girlfriend, which. I don't know. I don't think her sister likes me, at all. I feel like she's thinking I'm up to something, or I'm the scandalous girl that comes in and steals her sister away from her, which totally isn't my intent at all.
Oh! And my mom finally called me gay! I'm a little excited about it right now, but yesterday I was in tears over the entire thing. Becky spent the night with me a few nights ago, and the next day, after I'd gotten home again, my mom decided to change the house rules, for the first time in 19 years. Since I'm the family whore and whatnot, all houseguests will sleep in the guest bedroom, because "You never know who you're going to see come out of Abby's bedroom when you wake up in the morning. It could be Felisity, or Josh, or some girl named Becky..." I'm apparently moving girls like the Burlington Northern moves cars and I "shouldn't be playing house in their house."
Right.
So anyway. Yesterday when I came home, I went straight to my room. My mom came and knocked on the door and asked if she could come in. I said no, I was changing. She asked if I was coming out and I laughed and said, "Nope! I did that about a year ago." She didn't say anything else. It was perfectly witty, although inappropriate and yes, I know, uncalled for.
About twenty minutes later, I came out of my room. My mom asked if I had eaten, I said no, and then she'd typically offer to make me something for lunch. I wouldn't care if she didn't, I'm just telling you what normally happens. This time, I said no, I hadn't eaten. She said, "Well then, you better make yourself something."
Haha, and I'm thinking, this is an awesome way to start my day. Sometimes I feel like I'm just watching my life play out and it's funny as hell. My family is awkward and weird and my mom came out of the room the other day in a shirt and her underwear! When Becky was still there! God I could've died. But that was a few days ago, and I'm trying to talk about yesterday.
So, I make myself something, and then my parents come in and sit down at different points, and we get to the topic of me moving out with Josh and Phil, and my mom was just like, oh, God, do they know about eachother? And, I wanted to say what, that I've fucked them both and I'll be living with both exes? I didn't, of course, I wasn't that upset yet. So my mom goes back to the house rules and that it's unacceptable to have boys staying the night here.
I looked at her and said, Never, have I once, had a boy spend the night here. "I know, and you won't, either." I was like... riiiight... because... I don't have boys stay the night here. I asked her if she had a problem with all the friends I hang around with not looking like girls or boys and them being gay. She was like, well, I don't know how to handle it! What do I do? Tell me! At that point, I should've said, you don't do anything, we don't need special treatment. I was too bothered and caught up in things that were being said to give her a logical, non-biased answer like that.
Back to not having boys stay with me. I looked at them and said, you know... Becky might look a little like a guy, but BECKY is a G-I-R-L. They did the, "we know, we know..." and my mom stopped and said, but, you're gay!. And now, it's a little comical. Like I said, yesterday, I was cying. It was awkward and weird and I felt completely cornered. I talked to Felisity about it yesterday and she was like, so... why are they just now having this talk with you? Why not a year ago when you came out? And I truly have no idea. I have no idea what is going on.
All I know is that I like a girl named Becky, who has the softest skin I've ever touched. Who treats me differently then anyone ever before, who sings to me, who I still struggle to keep eye contact with. Who also dances with me for no reason. And that's what I know. She likes corn dogs with mustard, gets her tacos plain without lettuce or cheese, and likes to sleep without clothes on.
I know that my sixth grade teacher passed away on July 23rd, and I found her picture smiling back at me from the obituary page this morning, and she was the one that was there for me when my jackass parents decided to snowball a small argument into moving out and planning a divorce.
I know that I like working in radio, but I'm just loitering here while I try to figure out what I want with my life. I know that I miss teaching summer school, and this is my first day off from it and I'm already worrying about those kids and hoping that their parents will continue working with them. I'm worried that they won't get new shoes before school starts, their parents still won't be able to afford diapers, and, life will continue on as we know it while the government is royally screwing over people that truly need the help.
I know that I like girls, and I've been aware of that since 7th grade. It isn't something that's changing, so, as time drags on, I'm just trying to figure out a few more things for myself as well. My parents think they're confused. Hell, try living in the Bible belt and walking down the street holding a girls hand while assholes chuck their drinks at you and call you nasty, mean names. I'm confused with people, and where they think they have the right to be so rude and overall cold, for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact that they struggle accepting someone "so different" from them.
I still wake up in the morning, eat my breakfast, and tie my shoelaces, just like you do. I don't like being lonely, I love a good hair day, and my stomach growls just like yours. I work for my money, I appreciate good company, and sometimes I get a cold and have to sneeze, too. We're not as different as they'd like to make me feel.
Along with other thoughts - Becky has the most gorgeous body I've ever seen. Truly. Hands down, beautiful. I've never touched skin so soft. I've also never been around someone that smells so good all the time. And she has like, a million different smells on her. Lotion, body wash, shampoo, God only knows what else. She's just gorgeous.
I also just noticed that I went into... capitalizing stuff too. That was odd. Her and Lindsey and I are all going to the park tonight, I think it's Sequiota, over by Galloway. But I'm excited about that, because I'll be with two people that I love spending time with, and I think it's going to be a lot of fun. And! I'm taking the girls. Not that their little asses won't be dragging the ground because they'll have been in daycare all day, but they'll enjoy sniffing around and munching on goose poop. Because, that is after all, what dauchsaunds like to do.
B & I went to go see Mr. & Mrs. Smith on Saturday night. I saw it awhile ago with Jael, but it was worth seeing twice. Aside from freezing and sitting in the very front row, it was great. We went with Becky's sister and her girlfriend, which. I don't know. I don't think her sister likes me, at all. I feel like she's thinking I'm up to something, or I'm the scandalous girl that comes in and steals her sister away from her, which totally isn't my intent at all.
Oh! And my mom finally called me gay! I'm a little excited about it right now, but yesterday I was in tears over the entire thing. Becky spent the night with me a few nights ago, and the next day, after I'd gotten home again, my mom decided to change the house rules, for the first time in 19 years. Since I'm the family whore and whatnot, all houseguests will sleep in the guest bedroom, because "You never know who you're going to see come out of Abby's bedroom when you wake up in the morning. It could be Felisity, or Josh, or some girl named Becky..." I'm apparently moving girls like the Burlington Northern moves cars and I "shouldn't be playing house in their house."
Right.
So anyway. Yesterday when I came home, I went straight to my room. My mom came and knocked on the door and asked if she could come in. I said no, I was changing. She asked if I was coming out and I laughed and said, "Nope! I did that about a year ago." She didn't say anything else. It was perfectly witty, although inappropriate and yes, I know, uncalled for.
About twenty minutes later, I came out of my room. My mom asked if I had eaten, I said no, and then she'd typically offer to make me something for lunch. I wouldn't care if she didn't, I'm just telling you what normally happens. This time, I said no, I hadn't eaten. She said, "Well then, you better make yourself something."
Haha, and I'm thinking, this is an awesome way to start my day. Sometimes I feel like I'm just watching my life play out and it's funny as hell. My family is awkward and weird and my mom came out of the room the other day in a shirt and her underwear! When Becky was still there! God I could've died. But that was a few days ago, and I'm trying to talk about yesterday.
So, I make myself something, and then my parents come in and sit down at different points, and we get to the topic of me moving out with Josh and Phil, and my mom was just like, oh, God, do they know about eachother? And, I wanted to say what, that I've fucked them both and I'll be living with both exes? I didn't, of course, I wasn't that upset yet. So my mom goes back to the house rules and that it's unacceptable to have boys staying the night here.
I looked at her and said, Never, have I once, had a boy spend the night here. "I know, and you won't, either." I was like... riiiight... because... I don't have boys stay the night here. I asked her if she had a problem with all the friends I hang around with not looking like girls or boys and them being gay. She was like, well, I don't know how to handle it! What do I do? Tell me! At that point, I should've said, you don't do anything, we don't need special treatment. I was too bothered and caught up in things that were being said to give her a logical, non-biased answer like that.
Back to not having boys stay with me. I looked at them and said, you know... Becky might look a little like a guy, but BECKY is a G-I-R-L. They did the, "we know, we know..." and my mom stopped and said, but, you're gay!. And now, it's a little comical. Like I said, yesterday, I was cying. It was awkward and weird and I felt completely cornered. I talked to Felisity about it yesterday and she was like, so... why are they just now having this talk with you? Why not a year ago when you came out? And I truly have no idea. I have no idea what is going on.
All I know is that I like a girl named Becky, who has the softest skin I've ever touched. Who treats me differently then anyone ever before, who sings to me, who I still struggle to keep eye contact with. Who also dances with me for no reason. And that's what I know. She likes corn dogs with mustard, gets her tacos plain without lettuce or cheese, and likes to sleep without clothes on.
I know that my sixth grade teacher passed away on July 23rd, and I found her picture smiling back at me from the obituary page this morning, and she was the one that was there for me when my jackass parents decided to snowball a small argument into moving out and planning a divorce.
I know that I like working in radio, but I'm just loitering here while I try to figure out what I want with my life. I know that I miss teaching summer school, and this is my first day off from it and I'm already worrying about those kids and hoping that their parents will continue working with them. I'm worried that they won't get new shoes before school starts, their parents still won't be able to afford diapers, and, life will continue on as we know it while the government is royally screwing over people that truly need the help.
I know that I like girls, and I've been aware of that since 7th grade. It isn't something that's changing, so, as time drags on, I'm just trying to figure out a few more things for myself as well. My parents think they're confused. Hell, try living in the Bible belt and walking down the street holding a girls hand while assholes chuck their drinks at you and call you nasty, mean names. I'm confused with people, and where they think they have the right to be so rude and overall cold, for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact that they struggle accepting someone "so different" from them.
I still wake up in the morning, eat my breakfast, and tie my shoelaces, just like you do. I don't like being lonely, I love a good hair day, and my stomach growls just like yours. I work for my money, I appreciate good company, and sometimes I get a cold and have to sneeze, too. We're not as different as they'd like to make me feel.