I Swear, I Won't Forget You...
Jesus balls it's been a long time since I wrote anything. LJ tells me 13 weeks. Wow...over 4 months. Coolio.
I don't know why I'm writing. I'm pissed off beyond all reason. I'm pissed at everyone, mostly myself. I've been screwing shit up for the past 2 days, and now I can't focus on jack and I have to spend the evening with my family.
I hate my family.
I've tried to be nice about it. Understand that they have my best interests at heart. But after a certain extent, they don't. They have no right to have any say in my friend choice, no right to decide my style, no right to decide what is best for me to do to relax. I realized a few days ago just how brainwashed I am. I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm doing now, or why. But I thought I did. But what I thought I was doing, and where I thought I was going, I hate. But that's what had been written on the inside of my skull since I was born. They're ashamed of me. They think I do drugs. And aren't subtle about it. They hate my choice in music. They hate my choice in pastimes. They hate my choice in lifestyle. They hate damn near everything I do. And let me know. Can I do anything about it? No. I've brought it up, and I will NEVER do that again. All I can do is sit. And hate. And wait.
God damn, I will be glad to get out of this hell hole.
I don't know why I'm writing. I'm pissed off beyond all reason. I'm pissed at everyone, mostly myself. I've been screwing shit up for the past 2 days, and now I can't focus on jack and I have to spend the evening with my family.
I hate my family.
I've tried to be nice about it. Understand that they have my best interests at heart. But after a certain extent, they don't. They have no right to have any say in my friend choice, no right to decide my style, no right to decide what is best for me to do to relax. I realized a few days ago just how brainwashed I am. I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm doing now, or why. But I thought I did. But what I thought I was doing, and where I thought I was going, I hate. But that's what had been written on the inside of my skull since I was born. They're ashamed of me. They think I do drugs. And aren't subtle about it. They hate my choice in music. They hate my choice in pastimes. They hate my choice in lifestyle. They hate damn near everything I do. And let me know. Can I do anything about it? No. I've brought it up, and I will NEVER do that again. All I can do is sit. And hate. And wait.
God damn, I will be glad to get out of this hell hole.