(no subject)
i tried to knock it out but as weak as i am i couldnt. weak in strength, mind, reasoning, and everything else. weak isnt just a state of mind. or maybe it is. maybe its controlling my mind and maybe i will never get out of it and maybe its just a passing phase or maybe this is how its always going to be. im having trouble breathing and moving and thinking and feeling and eating and living. yes, i can have trouble with living. i do it all the time. i dont want to die. thats stupid. wy waste the time when i could just fix my problem? maybe i cant fix my problem. but its nice to dye knowing i tried instead of dying knowing i gave up. throwing up blood is never fun but they love it they love it they hate you and youre pain is their pleasure and youll never be okay and they will always be just as weird as you and they will always feel like that and you...you just wont turn out right again. but no one cares about you, you sick circus clown. a walking freak show and a walking contradiction. say it with me kid, con-tra-dict-ion. got it? good. me too. i love it i love it i love it i love it so much that it burns. burns just like i did before and it burns worse now than it did then and its so hot its cold like freezer burn on your chicken legs oh god damnit it wasnt supposed to taste that way but it does now and your maranade cant fix it anymore because its really just poision and salt.