Author:
RisabetTitle: Through broken walls
Word count: 1208
Pairing: G-Ri
Rating: PG-13, slight angst & hurt/comfort
Summary: Jiyoung, being a leader for the first time in his life tries to handle Seungri’s insecurities after Hyunseung has left the group.
The very minute he meets the boy Seungri strikes Jiyoung as the type that is never entirely at ease, always likely to question both his actions and his feelings. It’s not just because he is young, though he admittedly is younger than Jiyoung whose faith in himself could already move mountains on better days. But Jiyoung prides himself on not believing in stereotypes such as age, he constantly tells himself that he has to know better than that if he ever wants to succeed in being a leader. After turning the thought over and over in his mind he ends up deciding that Seungri simply has the least confidence in his own abilities. Not a good quality in a performing artist, Jiyoung notes with a distaste, and the whole deal annoys him, almost as much as it annoys him to find out about Hyunseung’s stage fright.
The nagging feeling grows lesser over the weeks the newly formed group spends together, but it never entirely disappears. Seungri will smile at everyone, laugh at Daesung’s goofy antics and whine about schedules just like the rest of them, but when he thinks no one is looking - while changing studios between dance and singing practice, in the kitchen after breakfast when people flee to avoid doing the dishes - Seungri’s face falls and tension creeps into his posture.
Jiyoung is always looking. What he learns to see after he has grown used to observing is the burning passion and intensive will behind all the doubt. And before he knows it Jiyoung seems to be constantly making the time to place an assuring hand on Seungri’s arm, or to offer an encouraging word, no matter what kind of a hurry they are in. He knows this is completely against his usual habits, but Jiyoung tells himself it’s simply because he wants to be a good leader, a good hyung to the dongsaengs he isn’t used to having. It’s not like he is treating the others any worse.
What Jiyoung learns to expect is the obvious pleasure and comfort Seungri takes in the brief moments they share and the way the tension disappears once more. So whenever Seungri glances over his shoulder to make sure nothing is threatening him, he sees Jiyoung. Sometimes Seungri isn’t sure whether it means he is safe or not, but in the end Jiyoung always smiles.
He even smiles on the night when they come back to the apartment without Hyunseung for the first time. Only that night the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
The first week after the Incident, like Jiyoung has come to call it in his mind, is a stressful one to all of them. Without a word spoken between the five of them the whole group starts acting like nothing is wrong, a silent agreement made by none but followed by all. They all know it is quite possibly the single most stupid thing to do, because eventually they are going to have to get over what has happened. But not now, they all seem to think, pushing ‘eventually’ as far away as they dare.
It comes as no surprise to Jiyoung when on Saturday night Seungri finally loses his cool. At first it seems like nothing is wrong, just a tired night in after yet another day of rigorous training. The magnae is talking casually with Youngbae about one thing or another, maybe their music or the new choreography they have been working on. Jiyoung does vaguely note their voices growing louder and louder in the background, but makes nothing out of it until Seungri storms out of the room, leaving behind one extremely surprised, two confused and one amused group member. Seungri can only be bothered to snarl a one-word reply (“Out.”) as he heads for the front door and Daesung tries to ask where he is going. No one comments the matter further, not when they see Seungri tug at the laces of his jogging shoes with childish rage.
“Really mature,” TOP mutters as they hear the door slam.
“Let it go, hyung,” Jiyoung mutters and grins without much humor at Seunghyun’s sullen expression. Daesung gets up from his seat and says something about dinner with a bright, painfully forced smile on his face, clearly wanting to change the subject for now, or preferably for good. He has to ask Youngbae twice to come and help in the kitchen before the older boy finally reacts.
Seunghyun and Daesung have already gone to bed and Youngbae is taking a shower when Jiyoung, still sitting at the kitchen table, absentmindedly prodding Daesung’s Gameboy, finally hears a key scraping at the front door lock. The quiet rustle of a jacket being left on the chair next to the shoe rack is followed by soft foot steps making their way across the living room, past the bedroom doors. Jiyoung doesn’t lift his head though he is aware of the figure standing at the doorway, partially because he knows it will drive Seungri even more up the wall and he can’t pass the opportunity, and partially because Jiyoung knows this is the moment to be a good hyung and he isn’t quite certain how to not ruin it.
“Hyung.” The voice is uncertain, tentative and somehow it pisses Jiyoung off so badly. He stands up abruptly enough to make his chair fall down with a deafening clang, and shoves Seungri so that the younger boy staggers a few steps back in surprise. The involuntary response to the harsh action only annoys Jiyoung more, he wants to grab Seungri by the shoulders, shake his scrawny frame, make the kid stand tall, and shout, shout, shout until Seungri will finally shout back.
“Will you stop that,” Jiyoung snaps instead and ignores the bewildered confusion on Seungri’s face, “just stop acting like that, because you know what? You aren’t the only one in here who isn’t a hundred percent sure of every single damned thing. And it’s okay, it’s fucking okay to get shouted at or fail at something, just as long as you take responsibility for yourself in the end. So will you stop acting like the sky will fall on your head just because life isn’t smooth sailing all the freaking time?” He pauses to breathe, and for a moment they stare at each other, Jiyoung with his chest heaving, both, Jiyoung notes, with their hands curled into fists.
“Want to hit me?” The provocative question makes Seungri’s arms jerk briefly and Jiyoung’s anger subsides as suddenly as it had appeared.
“Good,” he states matter-of-factly and smiles, smiles at Seungri’s defiant pout, and pulls the boy into a one-armed hug.
“It’s no use not doing anything when you get as angry as that,” Jiyoung murmurs with his mouth pressed against wind-tousled locks of hair, “just like it’s no use living in constant fear. You keep that in mind, Lee Seunghyun.” He listens to the sounds of Seungri’s calming breath for a while and feels the unfamiliar, frantic heartbeat ease within the chest pressed against his. Jiyoung knows this night won’t make all their worries magically disappear, but he still feels like maybe he has done something right, just in the here and now. And that’s enough for him.
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Notes: This G-Ri is sort of for Kendra, because she sort of rolls that way these days. Ilu <3