Terrible morning...
I don't know why but I decided to post a blog. Maybe it is because I woke up in the throes of an EXTREMELY depressing dream... Oh wait! Thats just my life. Ok, now that that's cleared up...
I actually have been having dreams about people from my past that I no longer see... People who I hurt badly or who hurt me badly. I always seem to be crying in these dreams... but that could be because I am always crying. Last night's dream had me crying because everything we drove by (on our way to Ryan's apt! Big surprise I would be crying about going there!) reminded me of where a certain someone lives or a place where we had been together.
This is quite possibly the worst state of mind I could have woken up in today. I have a doctor's appointment today (and for some reason Ryan insists on going... even though a few weeks ago he asked me why he had to go to these appointments because he doesn't really do anything...) and I have to pre-shoot. At least if he pisses me off I can blow off some steam shooting.
With all the shit that has been going on lately I guess I just feel a little... indifferent. I'm not really depressed, but I really couldn't care less what's going on around me. I want to sleep all the time, but I cant because it's uncomfortable. I wake up a hundred times a night. I toss and turn. The cat uses me as a trampoline. I'm uncomfortable laying down, sitting up, on my head, twisted into a pretzel... I'm uncomfortable with my hands on my stomach, at my sides, under my head, over my eyes. My nose is stuffy and I can't breathe and its all dripping down my throat. So I guess I'm just freaking miserable. This is like having the worst flu with a body ache EVER. And my sides are starting to itch because my stomach is expanding. Beautiful.
I ended up finding out why the ultrasound tech told me I wasn't far enough along to tell the gender, too. Because she put my due date in as September 30. Which put me at just over 15 weeks when I was there. According to my doctor I was 18 weeks exactly when I was there and I'm due 9/12. I know when this baby was conceived. I know when my last period was. I don't like ultrasound techs who can't answer the question, "So does everything look normal?" changing my due date for me. If my doctor changes it, thats one thing. I'm hoping that they will send me for another ultrasound. I think that tech just didn't want to be bothered. I thought that the fetal survey ultrasound was supposed to take like an hour... I was in and out of there in 20 minutes. Ugh... I'm still pissed about that and I'm going to have to relive it (right along with Ryan's comments) all over again today.
I think I need a nap before I go today. Maybe that will put me in a better mood...
I actually have been having dreams about people from my past that I no longer see... People who I hurt badly or who hurt me badly. I always seem to be crying in these dreams... but that could be because I am always crying. Last night's dream had me crying because everything we drove by (on our way to Ryan's apt! Big surprise I would be crying about going there!) reminded me of where a certain someone lives or a place where we had been together.
This is quite possibly the worst state of mind I could have woken up in today. I have a doctor's appointment today (and for some reason Ryan insists on going... even though a few weeks ago he asked me why he had to go to these appointments because he doesn't really do anything...) and I have to pre-shoot. At least if he pisses me off I can blow off some steam shooting.
With all the shit that has been going on lately I guess I just feel a little... indifferent. I'm not really depressed, but I really couldn't care less what's going on around me. I want to sleep all the time, but I cant because it's uncomfortable. I wake up a hundred times a night. I toss and turn. The cat uses me as a trampoline. I'm uncomfortable laying down, sitting up, on my head, twisted into a pretzel... I'm uncomfortable with my hands on my stomach, at my sides, under my head, over my eyes. My nose is stuffy and I can't breathe and its all dripping down my throat. So I guess I'm just freaking miserable. This is like having the worst flu with a body ache EVER. And my sides are starting to itch because my stomach is expanding. Beautiful.
I ended up finding out why the ultrasound tech told me I wasn't far enough along to tell the gender, too. Because she put my due date in as September 30. Which put me at just over 15 weeks when I was there. According to my doctor I was 18 weeks exactly when I was there and I'm due 9/12. I know when this baby was conceived. I know when my last period was. I don't like ultrasound techs who can't answer the question, "So does everything look normal?" changing my due date for me. If my doctor changes it, thats one thing. I'm hoping that they will send me for another ultrasound. I think that tech just didn't want to be bothered. I thought that the fetal survey ultrasound was supposed to take like an hour... I was in and out of there in 20 minutes. Ugh... I'm still pissed about that and I'm going to have to relive it (right along with Ryan's comments) all over again today.
I think I need a nap before I go today. Maybe that will put me in a better mood...