the end of my marriage
I have not been asked to sign divorce papers yet but I know they are coming. Amy has completely turned off the switch that gives her compassion, love, decency, etc. Her life is great..No Rip to drag her down, freedom to go hang out with all the guys she wants, and doesnt have to put up with me.
I on the other hand am falling apart. What I truly truly want are drugs. Right now I could use and all this pain would go away. I havent though. Even though Amy said I used and is using that as her excuse to leave I havent. I dont know why I havent though. I know it just puts off the inevitable but at least I will have some moments of peace.
Another part of me wants for God to take me in my sleep. That way I wouldnt have to feel and no one could say awful things about me because I killed myself.
Fuck I hate this so bad. This is not what I got clean for. Im so angry at her for lying to me and saying forever when she didnt mean it. How does someone turn off love. SHe is saying awful things about me to others and here I am saying how much I lover her and miss her. WHy God. WHy?
so yea
l8r