To kil a mocking bird
( Or a prowler) Last night we had a strange experience. It sounded like someone was knocking on the door and walking in the stairwell. I went to the door and no one was there. No big deal, I think. Could just be my mind playing tricks on me. It does that from time to time. So we go about our business and I go to work. Later around 3 am, Candi calls me and says that it has happened 3 more times, and just a few moments ago, being the last. So I go home.
I get home and decide to stay up a bit and see if our mystery knocker comes back. (Lucky for them, they did not.) As I sat there, I thought of the various ways I could defend Candi and Brynn. Anyone who knows me realizes that me thinking about defending my loved ones means one of three things is going to happen:
1. Said prowler dies
2. I die defending Candi and Brynn
3. A combination of 1 + 2.
I am actually pretty casual on most things and am not a violent person. However, there are always exceptions to the rule, my family being the top one. Don't FUCK with my family!!!! There is only one punishment in my little dictatorship when you do that. (In case you missed the list above, it isn't a year probabtion with time out for good behavior)
Now as I think of what would happen then, I'd have to call the cops, they'd check things out, see the dead body and say, "Mr. Davis we need you to come down to the station for some questioning. Then some liberal ass D.A. who needs a feather in their cap (Hook up with Mr. Nifong so you can know what not to do there) will want to prosecute. They'll say I should have waited for police. Hmm, would said Mr. Prowler waited for me to call the police? Come on now, you all know the answer to that, say it with me, it begins with an N and ends with an O. Then some trailer trash crack whore (I apologize to all you crack whores out there who aren't trailer trash) would come out of the wood work saying that the individual was their only means of support and they were only stealing to help make a better life for their family. Some slimey weasel of a lawyer would convince them to try to sue me. (Good thing I have a negative net worth) And then it becomes a media circus. And where I live, it doesn't take much to make one of those
Although I like the advances that we have made since the 1800's, part of me wonders if there isn't a part of that time that we should have kept. See back then if you tried to get into someone's house, steal their horse, etc, you knew you were taking a chance of getting a bullet (or multiple ones) lodged in your body. And you also knew that if you survived and the sheriff came in and looked at things, he'd say to the land owner, "You dumb ass, how could you have shot him at that close range and he's still living? Now, we'll have to take the effort to tie a noose. Do these fingers look nimble enough to tie another noose this week?"
I just wonder why sometimes that when defending ourselves and our homes that we have to worry as much about lawyers and lawsuits as we do the actual intruder themselves. I'm going to lobby my congressmen and women to institute a new holiday, "Kill The Fucker Breaking Into Your House Day!"
I get home and decide to stay up a bit and see if our mystery knocker comes back. (Lucky for them, they did not.) As I sat there, I thought of the various ways I could defend Candi and Brynn. Anyone who knows me realizes that me thinking about defending my loved ones means one of three things is going to happen:
1. Said prowler dies
2. I die defending Candi and Brynn
3. A combination of 1 + 2.
I am actually pretty casual on most things and am not a violent person. However, there are always exceptions to the rule, my family being the top one. Don't FUCK with my family!!!! There is only one punishment in my little dictatorship when you do that. (In case you missed the list above, it isn't a year probabtion with time out for good behavior)
Now as I think of what would happen then, I'd have to call the cops, they'd check things out, see the dead body and say, "Mr. Davis we need you to come down to the station for some questioning. Then some liberal ass D.A. who needs a feather in their cap (Hook up with Mr. Nifong so you can know what not to do there) will want to prosecute. They'll say I should have waited for police. Hmm, would said Mr. Prowler waited for me to call the police? Come on now, you all know the answer to that, say it with me, it begins with an N and ends with an O. Then some trailer trash crack whore (I apologize to all you crack whores out there who aren't trailer trash) would come out of the wood work saying that the individual was their only means of support and they were only stealing to help make a better life for their family. Some slimey weasel of a lawyer would convince them to try to sue me. (Good thing I have a negative net worth) And then it becomes a media circus. And where I live, it doesn't take much to make one of those
Although I like the advances that we have made since the 1800's, part of me wonders if there isn't a part of that time that we should have kept. See back then if you tried to get into someone's house, steal their horse, etc, you knew you were taking a chance of getting a bullet (or multiple ones) lodged in your body. And you also knew that if you survived and the sheriff came in and looked at things, he'd say to the land owner, "You dumb ass, how could you have shot him at that close range and he's still living? Now, we'll have to take the effort to tie a noose. Do these fingers look nimble enough to tie another noose this week?"
I just wonder why sometimes that when defending ourselves and our homes that we have to worry as much about lawyers and lawsuits as we do the actual intruder themselves. I'm going to lobby my congressmen and women to institute a new holiday, "Kill The Fucker Breaking Into Your House Day!"