(no subject)
Sometimes you don't have to be in the big battle to suffer. I wasn't. I stood away from the final end and watched from the corner of my eye.
Coward.
Yeah, I may be a coward but I am alive. And the ones that I had to hide away from life, well they aren't so who's the bigger fool?
I couldn't save my best friend. No Izzy wasn't among the dead. Hell, I don't know what Iz is up to these days. In the days and weeks and now it's a year, we haven't talked. Somehow fate got us to that place and she did her thing and I did mine. Which wasn't doing a thing at all.
There ain't no golden apple at the end of the tree. There's still gonna be demons and shit the rest of the world don't wanna see. That I don't wanna see. Don't have a choice really there, they feel me, I feel them. Just don't go out looking for it as much. Just when that urge comes up and I can't do anything about it.
I live quietly now. No false illisions that I am gonna find love and get the big picture frame of a real family. It's true, not for Slayers. We don't get the loot, just the crap that comes with the little chosen to be champions gig. Maybe some of them find it. I have to hope for that, somewhere there's some Slayers running around with pampers in one hand and a stake in another. But I ain't thinking I am one of the lucky ones.
Never heard from J.C. again. Figure he went hiding or Cain had orders for him to go down.
I do wish I knew though. Just, maybe for some closure. But then I would have to revisit that time. Where I was his.
It's funny. All that time I thought I was doing something noble and I was probaly just as much a pawn in Cain's plans as most of them was.
Thing is they won. They beat the bad guy. Everything should be peachy now, right?
Life ain't like that. We are born. We breath. We pay taxes and we die. Sometimes we get a piece of happiness, a little glimpse of something better but in the end we die. I'm just buying time now, until my end. Until that night I am too tired to keep playing around with the evil in this world. And then maybe there's peace.
Maybe.
Coward.
Yeah, I may be a coward but I am alive. And the ones that I had to hide away from life, well they aren't so who's the bigger fool?
I couldn't save my best friend. No Izzy wasn't among the dead. Hell, I don't know what Iz is up to these days. In the days and weeks and now it's a year, we haven't talked. Somehow fate got us to that place and she did her thing and I did mine. Which wasn't doing a thing at all.
There ain't no golden apple at the end of the tree. There's still gonna be demons and shit the rest of the world don't wanna see. That I don't wanna see. Don't have a choice really there, they feel me, I feel them. Just don't go out looking for it as much. Just when that urge comes up and I can't do anything about it.
I live quietly now. No false illisions that I am gonna find love and get the big picture frame of a real family. It's true, not for Slayers. We don't get the loot, just the crap that comes with the little chosen to be champions gig. Maybe some of them find it. I have to hope for that, somewhere there's some Slayers running around with pampers in one hand and a stake in another. But I ain't thinking I am one of the lucky ones.
Never heard from J.C. again. Figure he went hiding or Cain had orders for him to go down.
I do wish I knew though. Just, maybe for some closure. But then I would have to revisit that time. Where I was his.
It's funny. All that time I thought I was doing something noble and I was probaly just as much a pawn in Cain's plans as most of them was.
Thing is they won. They beat the bad guy. Everything should be peachy now, right?
Life ain't like that. We are born. We breath. We pay taxes and we die. Sometimes we get a piece of happiness, a little glimpse of something better but in the end we die. I'm just buying time now, until my end. Until that night I am too tired to keep playing around with the evil in this world. And then maybe there's peace.
Maybe.