And when it all goes to Hell...
I'm tired of being a scared little girl who wants her sister to protect her.
That quite possibly may be the most selfish thought I could have at a time like this--only moments before the world may or not be coming to an end, but that's what I'm feeling. It's what I was feeling on the plane over here and it's what I was feeling when I abandoned Faith, promising not to do anything stupid until she showed up. I couldn't stay with her though. Not now. I just needed to be by myself with my thoughts for a while, maybe for the last time. Of course, my thoughts turned to Buffy and what she'd do in this situation.
I immediately pushed these thoughts away. I adore my sister, but I don't want my thoughts to be of her right now. Because if I go into this fight and I'm thinking of Buffy, I'm going to be distracted and I cannot afford to be distracted. This is it. This is my fight. It's not Buffy's. For the first time, it's not my sister's fight. I'm here because I want to be. I'm not here for her. I'm here because of her, yes, but I'm not here for her.
I don't know if I'm going to die today. Maybe I am. Maybe I've outran death for too long. Maybe I was supposed to die at the hands of that vampire version of Giles. Maybe I was supposed to die in the Hellmouth. Maybe now all those times I should've died are going to catch up with me.
Maybe not.
I'm ready for this fight. I'll do whatever I have to to save the world. This feeling of determination is kind of empowering. Maybe this is what she felt. NO! I'm doing it again!
The air grew thick for me as soon as the plane landed. Faith couldn't feel it, but I could. When I entered the hotel, it turned to a buzzing feeling, not unlike static electricity. When I opened the door to the basement, it hit me full force and I doubled over with a huge force that was weighing me down. I hadn't felt this type of mystical pressure since...that night on Glory's tower. The gate was here. I could feel it in my bones. With great difficulty, I stood up straight and made my way down the stairs. Whatever happened, it was going to happen soon.
That quite possibly may be the most selfish thought I could have at a time like this--only moments before the world may or not be coming to an end, but that's what I'm feeling. It's what I was feeling on the plane over here and it's what I was feeling when I abandoned Faith, promising not to do anything stupid until she showed up. I couldn't stay with her though. Not now. I just needed to be by myself with my thoughts for a while, maybe for the last time. Of course, my thoughts turned to Buffy and what she'd do in this situation.
I immediately pushed these thoughts away. I adore my sister, but I don't want my thoughts to be of her right now. Because if I go into this fight and I'm thinking of Buffy, I'm going to be distracted and I cannot afford to be distracted. This is it. This is my fight. It's not Buffy's. For the first time, it's not my sister's fight. I'm here because I want to be. I'm not here for her. I'm here because of her, yes, but I'm not here for her.
I don't know if I'm going to die today. Maybe I am. Maybe I've outran death for too long. Maybe I was supposed to die at the hands of that vampire version of Giles. Maybe I was supposed to die in the Hellmouth. Maybe now all those times I should've died are going to catch up with me.
Maybe not.
I'm ready for this fight. I'll do whatever I have to to save the world. This feeling of determination is kind of empowering. Maybe this is what she felt. NO! I'm doing it again!
The air grew thick for me as soon as the plane landed. Faith couldn't feel it, but I could. When I entered the hotel, it turned to a buzzing feeling, not unlike static electricity. When I opened the door to the basement, it hit me full force and I doubled over with a huge force that was weighing me down. I hadn't felt this type of mystical pressure since...that night on Glory's tower. The gate was here. I could feel it in my bones. With great difficulty, I stood up straight and made my way down the stairs. Whatever happened, it was going to happen soon.