The Darkness Within
The past few weeks are nothing but a dark blur.
I have a vague awareness of what has happened, of what I've done -- or rather, what the demon C'lsan'ss had done while in possession of my body. I remember feeling trapped, as if I was watching something horrible but was unable to stop it.
Buffy and the others have filled in the gaps in my memory. They were reluctant to tell me exactly what happened while I was under the thrall of the demon until I pressed them.
I understood their reluctance. Sometimes I should defer to their judgment, it would seem. But, in the long run, it's better that I know.
While I accept that I am not responsible for what has transpired, what has transpired has done so at my hand.
C'lsan'ss was vanquished within the bowels of the Hellmouth several nights ago, its physical form obliterated. However, its physical form was not at the root of the crisis, but rather, its essence. Its spirit, taking root in the minds of those like me.
How can we be sure that C'lsan'ss will not return, its strength restored, in a desperate attempt to cast the world into darkness once again? How can we be sure that C'lsan'ss will not return to exact revenge on those who contributed to its supposed demise?
Given the nature of the demon...we cannot.
Not yet.
I feel there are steps that need to be taken in order to be sure the threat is forever neutralized. Steps which, I hope, will also help alleviate the guilt I feel for being the instrument which almost brought about the world's destruction.
I only hope Buffy and the others will forgive me, as well.
I have a vague awareness of what has happened, of what I've done -- or rather, what the demon C'lsan'ss had done while in possession of my body. I remember feeling trapped, as if I was watching something horrible but was unable to stop it.
Buffy and the others have filled in the gaps in my memory. They were reluctant to tell me exactly what happened while I was under the thrall of the demon until I pressed them.
I understood their reluctance. Sometimes I should defer to their judgment, it would seem. But, in the long run, it's better that I know.
While I accept that I am not responsible for what has transpired, what has transpired has done so at my hand.
C'lsan'ss was vanquished within the bowels of the Hellmouth several nights ago, its physical form obliterated. However, its physical form was not at the root of the crisis, but rather, its essence. Its spirit, taking root in the minds of those like me.
How can we be sure that C'lsan'ss will not return, its strength restored, in a desperate attempt to cast the world into darkness once again? How can we be sure that C'lsan'ss will not return to exact revenge on those who contributed to its supposed demise?
Given the nature of the demon...we cannot.
Not yet.
I feel there are steps that need to be taken in order to be sure the threat is forever neutralized. Steps which, I hope, will also help alleviate the guilt I feel for being the instrument which almost brought about the world's destruction.
I only hope Buffy and the others will forgive me, as well.