(no subject)
i'm feeling pretty hopeless right now. i have been living in a constant state of crisis and high alert for what feels like the last month. i'm sure i talked about it somewhere, but my mom fell awhile ago and had to get 18 stitches in her face, and broken glasses that cost $600 to replace (!!). it seems like she's getting progressively worse. i woke up this morning to a crash and her yelling out. she fell again, and hit her head on the nightstand. i just feel so helpless at this point, and sick of it and selfishly pissed off about everything. i can't live like this anymore. this downward spiral has included big things like my mother falling, my uncle being in the hospital for a stroke and being scheduled to have heart surgery, and little things like my grandmother's car being stolen, the dishwasher breaking down, the phone line being fucked up, my internet going down, the dvd player being disconnected and cut during the internet install, having to put on a shitty fashion show at work that i'm the only one doing shit for.. it's at the point where one more little tiny thing is going to put me over the edge. i had a snippy customer at work yesterday and almost started bawling because everything is just adding up and adding up. and of course i don't hear from him for months and finally start to accept that he's out of my life, and then right before he leaves for tour he messages me, after which he ignores me again. today was the first day i was finally able to just sit still and think, and everything came crashing down on me.