All I need in this life of sin .. ;)
I'm wide awake & thought what the hell why not write a little? For the past few nights I've stayed up writing some poetry, I haven't done that in what seems like forever. I'm actually really really please with it all. I sent it to Rosa & she loved it which meant a lot, she actually wants to turn one into a song so I'm really excited about that.
I talked to my mom the other night & I ended up joking around with her about how everytime she calls me she never really has any good news. It's not really funny but I was in front of people and thats the only way I could be on the phone and not cry. My grandma isn't doing well at all, she had some appointments today so I'm calling tomorrow to find out how everything went. I mean, I know that in life, death is inevitable, .. but if I lost my grandma I wouldn't be okay. She means the world to me & I just admire her so much. She has always been there for me & the fear of something I can't even say is hitting harder and harder. Other than that my Uncle died a few weekends ago, I believe I wrote about that but I'm not sure. My Uncle had a heart attack & was also diagnosed with Cancer, along with 3 other people in my family the past few weeks. My mom tries not to let on to it but I can tell she's awful. Her voice gets shakey & I can tell she just wants to talk to me about it but she won't... I wish she would understand that I'm here for her & all she has to do is just open up to me.
Hopefully next week sometime I can get over there to spend some time with her & my grandma.. I really miss my dad too. Get in some time with Heather again before I come back. Speaking of Heather, I think finally we're okay. She helped me out with a really bad situation yesterday & I was like wow.. maybe this friend thing can work.
Speaking of friends. She may not admit it but I know I've lost a good one the past few days. Jessy & I used to talk every night, every day.. I mean.. we've always been like that. However the other day her & g/f got into this huge fight & now she's not speaking to me hardly like she did. It hurts me because I care about that girl so much & she's just acting casual like nothing ever happened... who knows.. I know I sure fucking don't.
I got my tax money back so I'm okay money wise for right now.. it's a relief.. it really is.
Shane has a show tomorrow so I'm excited for that.. give or take that it's @ Hollins & it's going to be so crowded :/ I'll probably get drunk just so I can be some what social. Also, Shane met a new guy & they are dating now & I love him. He's great to Shane & they are honestly happy together & you can just tell it.. I'm glad he found someone like that..
Ah, finding someone <3 Well.. like I've been talking about in my past few entries there's this girl.. this incredible girl named Kari who I've been talking to for awhile. We're like .. addicted to each other. I can't get enough of the girl @ all. She's just wow. <3 We talk all the time & she even calls me from work <3 I don't know .. I'm really hoping she's in my life for a reason.. & I'm really hoping that reason is to show me that I really shouldn't give up on relationships ;) Kari .. EH! you've really got me girl ;)
Other than that I'm going to go take some more sleeping pills & go watch my India Ferrah tape with my wifey & the 4 other people laying in my living room.
I adore you Kari ;) <3
I talked to my mom the other night & I ended up joking around with her about how everytime she calls me she never really has any good news. It's not really funny but I was in front of people and thats the only way I could be on the phone and not cry. My grandma isn't doing well at all, she had some appointments today so I'm calling tomorrow to find out how everything went. I mean, I know that in life, death is inevitable, .. but if I lost my grandma I wouldn't be okay. She means the world to me & I just admire her so much. She has always been there for me & the fear of something I can't even say is hitting harder and harder. Other than that my Uncle died a few weekends ago, I believe I wrote about that but I'm not sure. My Uncle had a heart attack & was also diagnosed with Cancer, along with 3 other people in my family the past few weeks. My mom tries not to let on to it but I can tell she's awful. Her voice gets shakey & I can tell she just wants to talk to me about it but she won't... I wish she would understand that I'm here for her & all she has to do is just open up to me.
Hopefully next week sometime I can get over there to spend some time with her & my grandma.. I really miss my dad too. Get in some time with Heather again before I come back. Speaking of Heather, I think finally we're okay. She helped me out with a really bad situation yesterday & I was like wow.. maybe this friend thing can work.
Speaking of friends. She may not admit it but I know I've lost a good one the past few days. Jessy & I used to talk every night, every day.. I mean.. we've always been like that. However the other day her & g/f got into this huge fight & now she's not speaking to me hardly like she did. It hurts me because I care about that girl so much & she's just acting casual like nothing ever happened... who knows.. I know I sure fucking don't.
I got my tax money back so I'm okay money wise for right now.. it's a relief.. it really is.
Shane has a show tomorrow so I'm excited for that.. give or take that it's @ Hollins & it's going to be so crowded :/ I'll probably get drunk just so I can be some what social. Also, Shane met a new guy & they are dating now & I love him. He's great to Shane & they are honestly happy together & you can just tell it.. I'm glad he found someone like that..
Ah, finding someone <3 Well.. like I've been talking about in my past few entries there's this girl.. this incredible girl named Kari who I've been talking to for awhile. We're like .. addicted to each other. I can't get enough of the girl @ all. She's just wow. <3 We talk all the time & she even calls me from work <3 I don't know .. I'm really hoping she's in my life for a reason.. & I'm really hoping that reason is to show me that I really shouldn't give up on relationships ;) Kari .. EH! you've really got me girl ;)
Other than that I'm going to go take some more sleeping pills & go watch my India Ferrah tape with my wifey & the 4 other people laying in my living room.
I adore you Kari ;) <3