Fuck You, 'Lost'
Dear Creators of Lost,
Please stop smoking crack when you give interviews. Please stop thinking fans are in love with the same characters you are. Please stop talking about how "uber" great your writing is when my 1 year old neice could describe a better story. And she can't talk.
And most of all, character assassination, and dumbing down is NOT good TV.
We know you have no clue what you are doing, so stop trying to pretend you do. The show is going the same place as everyone else on Craphole Island...nowhere.
So I'm officially breaking up with you. As of this moment I will not spend anymore time and money on your contrived piece of shit that tries to be what it's not...a David Lynch puzzle show.
Really, first you should just aim low, like Baby Einstein puzzle low. Then work to R.L. Stine puzzle. Then maybe you'll be able to enter into David Lynchian mode.
Signed -
Oh who cares anymore...
P.S. Stop using the word "uber". It doesn't make you sound cool or like a hipster. It makes you sound like a middle aged asshole who thinks their ideas are better than what they really are. So stop it, you are only making yourself look and sound foolish.
Yeah, and for Best Episode Ever, they meant an utter shit episode. Even Nathan Fillion couldn't carry the episode, and he's damn charismatic on screen!
Seriously, this is the episode that they thought would guarantee old and new viewers would return in 3 months? It was the most contrived piece of trash I've ever seen on my TV. AND I WATCH The L Word!!!!! Seriously, if I can compare the two, and The L Word comes out looking like smart TV, someone is dropping the ball.
This episode did nothing except have a VERY contrived plot, character assassinations, and crap dialogue.
I'm done with this. Done, I'll catch up on DVD's if recaps sound at least someone entertaining. But as of last night, no more Lost in it's regular run. I can no longer do it without murdering myself along the way.
Let's just break down what was bad about this episode:
1. Kate's backstory. Seriously we found out...that she was married. We knew that, did meeting the guy actually advance her story? Not. Even. A. Little. It was pointless, and no matter how many tight dresses you put on Evangaline Lily, I will not find her attractive. You can't make me.
2. This goes with Kate's backstory. Seriously, homegirl is on the run, which we have no real understanding WHY she's running from a stupid U.S. Marshal, other than she just is. So what does she do? She marries a POLICE OFFICER.
For a cunning and manipulative con person, she sucks in the forethought category. Yes I get you don't chose who you fall for, but SHE'S ON THE DAMN RUN! Logic should dictate to NOT get in bed with a cop, much less MARRY one!
3. Just to continue making Kate appear like an utterly brainless damsel in distress, why, WHY, did she feel the need to CALL the stupid Marshal? What did this prove other than she's STUPID? "Oh Marshal, please stop chasing me, pwetty pwease?" WTF, man? As a woman, I find this offensive that the "strong" woman is being painted in this light that the only thing she knows how to do is bat her eyes and use her charm. At least in season one she was smart enough to use that as well as everyone's weakness AGAINST them to manipulate them. This damsel in distress Kate is boring, please let her die.
4. Kate, for someone who is well versed in the art of lying BOLD FACED to people, why are you trusting anything that The Others are telling you? Also, you have no room to be angry that Sawyer kept something from you when you kept something important, oh like how the Others are disguising themselves, away from Jack last season cause you were MAD at him.
5. Which brings me to Sawyer. Honey, you are one DUMB con man. Yeah, I'm glad you called Kate out and did the reality check of "Why the hell are you believing these guys, way to go Jack for not doing what they ask". But seriously, it takes less than two braincells to realize that if YOU were PREVIOUSLY on the larger island, and are now on Craphole Alcatraz, you had to GET there somehow. Meaning the Others have to have SOME WAY to get from one island to the other. Meaning, transportation. Saying there's no hope of escape is just plain STUPID.
How was he able to con ANYONE?
6. Speaking of dumbing characters down. Kate and Sawyer need to be shot. Kate climbs out of her cage, breaks Sawyer out of his, they talk about the two islands and how he didn't tell her because he wanted her to have hope...which lead to sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You are FREE! RUN! If anything FLOAT the 2 miles to the other island! You are making 2 miles seem like 100! If you can SEE the island then there IS hope of getting there. Having sex, laying around post coital, then SLEEPING through the night, thereby wasting a few really good running hours is RIDICULOUS! I'm supposed to STOMACH that these characters have so little need for survival that they have sex then LOUNGE?!
What is this, Passions?
7. Jack the Hero is now Jack the Hippocrite. Way to go back on that Hippocratic Oath you took and PURPOSELY by your OWN ACTIONS put someone's life in danger. I liked you better the first half of the episode when you were being sensible and rational.
8. Kate, why can't you kick anyone's ass anymore? Seriously, everytime a gun comes out, she ends up with it to her head. Even Xena and X-Files learned to give Gabrielle and Scully more to work with than kidnapping/endangerment of the weak type of role. And be honest, who didn't respect those two characters, DESPITE their bad choices they may have made?! I could care less about Kate at this point. She's dumb, and apparently forgot how to fight for survival. Those 60 days not on the run from a U.S. Marshal has made her soft *rolls eyes*
9. Hey, Eko got his 1 minute of "grief" time after his death, prepare to never hear about him again. But seriously Locke, this doesn't make sense (paraphrased BTW).
Paulo/Nikki (they are both boring so I can't remember who uttered the line): "Are we going to carry him back."
Locke: "No, we'll bury him here."
Sayid: "Why?"
Locke: "Because, on the beach, there's just been a little too much death recently."
I UNDERSTAND about not wanting to say "HEY, SOMEONE DIED, WHO'S NEXT? *looking at Sayid*". But, do you SERIOUSLY believe that the people on the beach aren't going to notice when the big, black man with a Jesus stick doesn't return with you? I do believe he was the only brother left ON the beach, so people are just going to forget he was building a church, or even existed?
10. Speaking of crappy dialogue, this exchange is a gem...
Sayid: "So what was it that really killed him?"
Locke: "On the beach we called it a monster..."
WTF?! You mean that SAME beach that Sayid has been on the entire time give or take one or two days?! Why say something like that to someone who has virtually the same knowledge of the monster as YOU do?! I know Locke saw it, but even the audience can't guess what the damn things motives are, since it's DIFFERENT everytime we see the stupid thing.
11. Kate. Kate. Kate. You sleep with Sawyer, yet when Jack gives you a chance to run, instead of saying "You mean me AND Sawyer, right?", no, you cry and whimper "I can't without you!" Uh...didn't you JUST say you loved Sawyer? Am I watching Big Love now?
12. And Jack. You are an ass. You started out sensible, find out Kate cares about Sawyer, then that she SLEPT with him. So you become the biggest asshole in the world to guarantee Kate gets free but Sawyer doesn't? And I don't buy the "assuming Sawyer was dead" schtick, it doesn't work. Jack was DOING the surgery, there's no reason to assume Sawyer would be dead at that point because only a few HOURS had passed by that point. IF they were going to kill Sawyer, Jack is smart enough (I think) to realize he'd have been dead long before Sawyer and Kate knocked boots (btw, Sawyer and Kate have been working in the hot sun, sweating and being covered in dirt. Talk about a smell tag team, yuck. It MUST be love).
13. BTW, for two people who have trust issues, Sawyer and Kate "fell in love" pretty quickly. I even got the heavy handed symbolism that Kate wouldn't stop running for nice, caring, and head over heels police guy, but was willing to risk death for sarcastic, assholey, only cares about numero uno Sawyer. Yeah. Cause in 60 days you can learn EVERYTHING about a person that you can't learn in over 6 months of marriage.
14. Did I mention how gratuitous, and un plot motivated the sex was? Oh, but it was. Seriously, it was like watching...well...Passions. I don't remember ordering a Soap Opera with my character driven supernatural drama. Who knew?
15. Oh yeah, and what's the dudes problem with Sawyer? I mean he keeps blaming Sawyer for his wifes demise, but last time I checked, the ONLY thing Sawyer did was clock him one in the face! Sawyer has been stuck in a cage and wasn't even ON the other island when that guys wife was shot! How is killing Sawyer getting revenge for his wife?! Dude needs to kill Sun, NOT Sawyer, so I don't get his big beef with Sawyer. It just makes the Others look like they don't have any control, that there is no heirarchy of command, and it's amazing to believe that these short tempered people have made it this long without self destructing in on themselves.
Don't you miss Season One when the Others were...you know...creepy?
16. Again, because it can't be said enough, why, the FUCK didn't Kate and Sawyer RUN away!!!!
In the end, it amazes me that TPTB thought THIS episode was what the fans want to see. I don't CARE about the love triangle. The whole episode was the damn love triangle. Do TPTB believe this is what the majority wants to see? Something that the series was NEVER built on? Something that's dumbing down once interesting characters? I mean I could handle Barbie and Ken...er, Paulo and Nikki, but if I have to see another "Who will Kate choose" moment, I'll scream.
Wait, I won't have too, yay!
This was the WORST episode of the series, built SOLELY to make Jaters/Skaters squee, and move the plot along zero. Move the characterization, something TPTB admittedly stated the show was about, zero.
Why is it shippers can destroy any good TV show? And why is it TPTB feel compelled to actually CATER to these people who only CARE about the ship! You are catering to a SMALL PORTION of your damn BASE VIEWERS! In other words, keeping a small portion of people happy, pissing off a larger portion, then leaving a medium portion, who refuse to let go of the "good old days" saying "Well, it'll be better next week, these guys always deliver!"
No.
They.
Don't.
They have NEVER delivered. Hell, they can't even deliver on THE DAMN LOVE TRIANGLE.
Fuck you, Lost and the plane you crashed in on.
ETA: Another reason why the episode sucks
ETAA: One more reason about the episode suckitude that I can't believe I forgot!
Please stop smoking crack when you give interviews. Please stop thinking fans are in love with the same characters you are. Please stop talking about how "uber" great your writing is when my 1 year old neice could describe a better story. And she can't talk.
And most of all, character assassination, and dumbing down is NOT good TV.
We know you have no clue what you are doing, so stop trying to pretend you do. The show is going the same place as everyone else on Craphole Island...nowhere.
So I'm officially breaking up with you. As of this moment I will not spend anymore time and money on your contrived piece of shit that tries to be what it's not...a David Lynch puzzle show.
Really, first you should just aim low, like Baby Einstein puzzle low. Then work to R.L. Stine puzzle. Then maybe you'll be able to enter into David Lynchian mode.
Signed -
Oh who cares anymore...
P.S. Stop using the word "uber". It doesn't make you sound cool or like a hipster. It makes you sound like a middle aged asshole who thinks their ideas are better than what they really are. So stop it, you are only making yourself look and sound foolish.
Yeah, and for Best Episode Ever, they meant an utter shit episode. Even Nathan Fillion couldn't carry the episode, and he's damn charismatic on screen!
Seriously, this is the episode that they thought would guarantee old and new viewers would return in 3 months? It was the most contrived piece of trash I've ever seen on my TV. AND I WATCH The L Word!!!!! Seriously, if I can compare the two, and The L Word comes out looking like smart TV, someone is dropping the ball.
This episode did nothing except have a VERY contrived plot, character assassinations, and crap dialogue.
I'm done with this. Done, I'll catch up on DVD's if recaps sound at least someone entertaining. But as of last night, no more Lost in it's regular run. I can no longer do it without murdering myself along the way.
Let's just break down what was bad about this episode:
1. Kate's backstory. Seriously we found out...that she was married. We knew that, did meeting the guy actually advance her story? Not. Even. A. Little. It was pointless, and no matter how many tight dresses you put on Evangaline Lily, I will not find her attractive. You can't make me.
2. This goes with Kate's backstory. Seriously, homegirl is on the run, which we have no real understanding WHY she's running from a stupid U.S. Marshal, other than she just is. So what does she do? She marries a POLICE OFFICER.
For a cunning and manipulative con person, she sucks in the forethought category. Yes I get you don't chose who you fall for, but SHE'S ON THE DAMN RUN! Logic should dictate to NOT get in bed with a cop, much less MARRY one!
3. Just to continue making Kate appear like an utterly brainless damsel in distress, why, WHY, did she feel the need to CALL the stupid Marshal? What did this prove other than she's STUPID? "Oh Marshal, please stop chasing me, pwetty pwease?" WTF, man? As a woman, I find this offensive that the "strong" woman is being painted in this light that the only thing she knows how to do is bat her eyes and use her charm. At least in season one she was smart enough to use that as well as everyone's weakness AGAINST them to manipulate them. This damsel in distress Kate is boring, please let her die.
4. Kate, for someone who is well versed in the art of lying BOLD FACED to people, why are you trusting anything that The Others are telling you? Also, you have no room to be angry that Sawyer kept something from you when you kept something important, oh like how the Others are disguising themselves, away from Jack last season cause you were MAD at him.
5. Which brings me to Sawyer. Honey, you are one DUMB con man. Yeah, I'm glad you called Kate out and did the reality check of "Why the hell are you believing these guys, way to go Jack for not doing what they ask". But seriously, it takes less than two braincells to realize that if YOU were PREVIOUSLY on the larger island, and are now on Craphole Alcatraz, you had to GET there somehow. Meaning the Others have to have SOME WAY to get from one island to the other. Meaning, transportation. Saying there's no hope of escape is just plain STUPID.
How was he able to con ANYONE?
6. Speaking of dumbing characters down. Kate and Sawyer need to be shot. Kate climbs out of her cage, breaks Sawyer out of his, they talk about the two islands and how he didn't tell her because he wanted her to have hope...which lead to sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You are FREE! RUN! If anything FLOAT the 2 miles to the other island! You are making 2 miles seem like 100! If you can SEE the island then there IS hope of getting there. Having sex, laying around post coital, then SLEEPING through the night, thereby wasting a few really good running hours is RIDICULOUS! I'm supposed to STOMACH that these characters have so little need for survival that they have sex then LOUNGE?!
What is this, Passions?
7. Jack the Hero is now Jack the Hippocrite. Way to go back on that Hippocratic Oath you took and PURPOSELY by your OWN ACTIONS put someone's life in danger. I liked you better the first half of the episode when you were being sensible and rational.
8. Kate, why can't you kick anyone's ass anymore? Seriously, everytime a gun comes out, she ends up with it to her head. Even Xena and X-Files learned to give Gabrielle and Scully more to work with than kidnapping/endangerment of the weak type of role. And be honest, who didn't respect those two characters, DESPITE their bad choices they may have made?! I could care less about Kate at this point. She's dumb, and apparently forgot how to fight for survival. Those 60 days not on the run from a U.S. Marshal has made her soft *rolls eyes*
9. Hey, Eko got his 1 minute of "grief" time after his death, prepare to never hear about him again. But seriously Locke, this doesn't make sense (paraphrased BTW).
Paulo/Nikki (they are both boring so I can't remember who uttered the line): "Are we going to carry him back."
Locke: "No, we'll bury him here."
Sayid: "Why?"
Locke: "Because, on the beach, there's just been a little too much death recently."
I UNDERSTAND about not wanting to say "HEY, SOMEONE DIED, WHO'S NEXT? *looking at Sayid*". But, do you SERIOUSLY believe that the people on the beach aren't going to notice when the big, black man with a Jesus stick doesn't return with you? I do believe he was the only brother left ON the beach, so people are just going to forget he was building a church, or even existed?
10. Speaking of crappy dialogue, this exchange is a gem...
Sayid: "So what was it that really killed him?"
Locke: "On the beach we called it a monster..."
WTF?! You mean that SAME beach that Sayid has been on the entire time give or take one or two days?! Why say something like that to someone who has virtually the same knowledge of the monster as YOU do?! I know Locke saw it, but even the audience can't guess what the damn things motives are, since it's DIFFERENT everytime we see the stupid thing.
11. Kate. Kate. Kate. You sleep with Sawyer, yet when Jack gives you a chance to run, instead of saying "You mean me AND Sawyer, right?", no, you cry and whimper "I can't without you!" Uh...didn't you JUST say you loved Sawyer? Am I watching Big Love now?
12. And Jack. You are an ass. You started out sensible, find out Kate cares about Sawyer, then that she SLEPT with him. So you become the biggest asshole in the world to guarantee Kate gets free but Sawyer doesn't? And I don't buy the "assuming Sawyer was dead" schtick, it doesn't work. Jack was DOING the surgery, there's no reason to assume Sawyer would be dead at that point because only a few HOURS had passed by that point. IF they were going to kill Sawyer, Jack is smart enough (I think) to realize he'd have been dead long before Sawyer and Kate knocked boots (btw, Sawyer and Kate have been working in the hot sun, sweating and being covered in dirt. Talk about a smell tag team, yuck. It MUST be love).
13. BTW, for two people who have trust issues, Sawyer and Kate "fell in love" pretty quickly. I even got the heavy handed symbolism that Kate wouldn't stop running for nice, caring, and head over heels police guy, but was willing to risk death for sarcastic, assholey, only cares about numero uno Sawyer. Yeah. Cause in 60 days you can learn EVERYTHING about a person that you can't learn in over 6 months of marriage.
14. Did I mention how gratuitous, and un plot motivated the sex was? Oh, but it was. Seriously, it was like watching...well...Passions. I don't remember ordering a Soap Opera with my character driven supernatural drama. Who knew?
15. Oh yeah, and what's the dudes problem with Sawyer? I mean he keeps blaming Sawyer for his wifes demise, but last time I checked, the ONLY thing Sawyer did was clock him one in the face! Sawyer has been stuck in a cage and wasn't even ON the other island when that guys wife was shot! How is killing Sawyer getting revenge for his wife?! Dude needs to kill Sun, NOT Sawyer, so I don't get his big beef with Sawyer. It just makes the Others look like they don't have any control, that there is no heirarchy of command, and it's amazing to believe that these short tempered people have made it this long without self destructing in on themselves.
Don't you miss Season One when the Others were...you know...creepy?
16. Again, because it can't be said enough, why, the FUCK didn't Kate and Sawyer RUN away!!!!
In the end, it amazes me that TPTB thought THIS episode was what the fans want to see. I don't CARE about the love triangle. The whole episode was the damn love triangle. Do TPTB believe this is what the majority wants to see? Something that the series was NEVER built on? Something that's dumbing down once interesting characters? I mean I could handle Barbie and Ken...er, Paulo and Nikki, but if I have to see another "Who will Kate choose" moment, I'll scream.
Wait, I won't have too, yay!
This was the WORST episode of the series, built SOLELY to make Jaters/Skaters squee, and move the plot along zero. Move the characterization, something TPTB admittedly stated the show was about, zero.
Why is it shippers can destroy any good TV show? And why is it TPTB feel compelled to actually CATER to these people who only CARE about the ship! You are catering to a SMALL PORTION of your damn BASE VIEWERS! In other words, keeping a small portion of people happy, pissing off a larger portion, then leaving a medium portion, who refuse to let go of the "good old days" saying "Well, it'll be better next week, these guys always deliver!"
No.
They.
Don't.
They have NEVER delivered. Hell, they can't even deliver on THE DAMN LOVE TRIANGLE.
Fuck you, Lost and the plane you crashed in on.
ETA: Another reason why the episode sucks
ETAA: One more reason about the episode suckitude that I can't believe I forgot!