(no subject)
It came in the way all things do these days - as a matter-of-fact announcement, a reminder from a system that wanted to clean me out: "Due to inactivity, your Livejournal account will be shut down in 30 days."
It's funny that such a thing should be the catalyst for me to begin writing again, if only in the briefest of ways. The irony is that, like the announcement, I have become a functional being, devoid of any poetry. I am not a creature of reflection - in many ways, I have never been. I was merely a creature that wanted to be more than the normal, bland thing I have always been, and I tried to rise above it with long sentences, languid turns of phrase, and syrupy ideas. They radiated from a place of desire - a desire to rise above the everyday.
And now, here I am. I have grown into my voice, I no longer have mature writing because I am mature. I have landed myself in the city I spent the better part of my adolescence dreaming about - New York. I busy myself with work, with money, with friends, with bars, with my love, with consumption on every level. The city is a wonder everyday - and even after two and a half years I have not shaken off my love of it. I spend a lot of time appreciating how much better the mundane becomes in this staggering and great city, this crucible of delights.
In many ways I avoided writing because it demanded reflection, and for the past 7 years I have been concerned with the simple doing of life, particularly in this heady, busy place. I have not even done very much, to be honest, and countless hours and opportunities may have been sidestepped in favor of indolence and stasis. I worry that reflection will cause to me second-guess myself, but perhaps it will reconnect me with the ways in which I can give of myself, rather than merely consume. Ways in which I can work, without thinking of strategies and business plans and careers what have you.
I will begin anew today. Without an audience, because I am certain most have fallen away in my many year absence from this favorite place of mine. I will move and change and we shall see. We shall see where this will take me.