Goodbye, my love.

[ripen]

I'm exhausted. I've figured out that I'm not cut out to work like a 'normal' person unless it's at something I passionately enjoy and that which fulfills me where I can be my own boss and set my own hours. I'm miserable otherwise, not regularly miserable but irritably and destructively so, though this gives me a real goal to set my mind on. Finally

Comments

Re: Too Long, Apologies, I Had To Write Somewhere. You Can Always Close Your Eyes

[bennybunny]

I still think the idea of state funding governments in preference to campaign contributions would be smart. My naivety perhaps. A few years ago, the US Government put funds into chasing tax evasion. Raised billions. Cut the scheme off again. Once you start chasing the money, you never know where the trail is going to go. That money alone would make the difference required.

[Of course we still pay their wages now, transparency is beginning over here and a lot of people are getting in trouble for rather expensive decoration and gold plated toilet seats turning up. Awkward mumblings, "it was a gift!!" "from me, to me" I got one of those for my last birthday, I'm sure you did too]. If it was any guarentee of contract or accountability.

There would still be bribes, cover ups, sure, I’m not looking for a perfect world, the system usually finds a way to survive like any animal. But no job you or I go for would we be able to say “I know fuck all about health care, make me your chief of medicine.” I would like to see semi flexible manifesto that was litigiously punishable the same way as any other negligence or financial fraud, so if nothing else it was treated as a business with legitimate cash flow forecasts and plans rather than ball park figures governments submit now. Like a maths teacher, I want to see their workings. I want it to be a business with the same transparency forced on any plc.

I want qaulification, not some random jobber given carte blanche to derrierre pound the education system while it lies there protesting. If I’m ever allowed near the NHS without understanding it I hope someone rifles to me the ground.

Perhaps if paid for more than they are by the people, the people would administer more than reactionary pay offs delegating to some cartoon character in a big house and a suit to shout at over a brew, and listen to more than the sound bite circus of electoral press release.

Because whatever anyone feels about politicians, if everyone cared, everyone really cared, they wouldn’t be able to get away with it, would they. I don’t want to talk about Tories and Labour, it’s my fault and my family’s fault and my friend’s fault they are accepted as any sort of choice, not theirs.

Maybe we don’t want the competition any more than they do. The way I treat work, I know it would make me nervous if we had a meritocracy. I start fingering my collar when I think about an ageing population and the likelihood I’ll only have a pension if I shift some books or run my own kitchen someday. I raise a smile like a white flag. I won’t even pretend I want an eqaulity.

But I DO want a world where money is treated as something aspirational, a means to an end, not an end. I hope all this hate goes somewhere, all this whining, that I make use of it. I hope I find a medium to research and support and elicit and protest. I want that creativity so badly, I can’t cope with a job where I’m counting the money, the hours, the days until dust. I have to be able to put something human on the table and choose words or food or images. In a meritocracy, would I be entitled to that. I don’t know. I think I have fought and thought. But I don’t know.

On a sunnier note, lets hope we both get that journalism career!

[If I get this deli job, we have a hundred kinds of tea. It’s marvellous]