In this late date my strength was my undoing...
I fear that perhaps I just didn’t know how to express pain to strangers especially doctors.
.. I avoided pain killers... Even head ache medicine... I avoided doctors for the longest time...
Now I feel cursed no one believes me in a sense. Perhaps that is because I cannot express physical pain.
Emotionally pain is one thing. There was one once a time where I would have though I would have killed my self over depression and anxiety.
Now I few it’s laughable. Physical pain... It’s beyond and ache. It’s not as intolerable as say kidney stones where fear that I am going to be permantly damaged if I don’t seek medical attention.
No.
I am damaged.
It’s like being strangled without having someone with their hands around your neck.
The pain is dull but constant. Corrosive and leaking.
The sporadic coughing when my body manages brings relief for a few seconds.