aside from what i wrote last night...
man i feel good. today, i got up. i wasn't tired. i wasn't looking forward to school, but i wasn't dreading it.
i didn't eat, but i wasn't hungry either. and i tried my best just to think about what was going on, and not look any deeper than that. and i'm going with the facts. i'm my own person. i can live without everything.
eh i sound lame. last night before i went to bed i read the bible. n it wasn't like... w/e just anything. it wasn't like just genesis or exodus and all those stories that mean really nothing to anyone.
i guess i was just thinking. a lot about things. about everything. mostly about you. i have you. and i'm happy to have you. and it gets difficult. so i thought about you. and i read. i read the book of Job. don't be gay and leave now. let me finish. its really good.
Job 1
1 ¶ There was a man in the land of Uz, his name was Job. And this man was perfect and upright, and fearing God, and turning away from evil.
2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him.
3 And his possessions were seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she-asses, and a very great household, so that this man was greater than all the sons of the east.
so it goes on to explain all about Job and how he lives his life. i won't write it all cause i know it might get pretty boring for you. so all that doesnt mean much to us, cause i mean. what am i gonna do with all those sheep and camels and crap. but w/e, i dont have to explain about how back then it meant money n crap. you see, Job was very rich. he had everythingggg lol everything he needed. ok let me keep going. i'm gonna skip a few lines.
while Job was just going about his business, men from everywhere came to tell him some bad news. "Job, today all your sheep have been burned. your entire family has died. your entire world just collapsed in front of you. i'm sorry..."
20 ¶ And Job rose up and tore his robe, and shaved his head. And he fell down on the ground and worshiped.
21 And he said, I came naked out of my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away. Blessed be the name of Jehovah.
its inspirational. to me. because i put myself in its view.
i have been so upset lately. and lonely, and sad. and i can never really quite understand why it is i hurt so much inside. why i am in so much pain sometimes. i think its you. i say, "one of these days he's just gonna be so fustrated with me and that'll be the end of us." and i get so sad thinking about it cause at one point, i had you, where you would swear i was the one for you. and i always would be. but then we are together, and everything is fine.
and theres my parents, and we just don't seem to get along anymore. and they're living their life, and me, mine. and my school sometimes gets to be too much. cause i seem to be thinking only about the weekend where i'd have a possible chance of seeing you again....
like, in life... things come and things go. God gives us things to make us happy and live accomadately. sometimes things just get in our way. even those things we love the most. for example, you. i always forget to put u in ur right spot. you're my boyfriend. but thats just it ... my boyfriend. like, i once, and i guess still do wish we'd be together forever and stuff.. but what if we're not? am i to kill myself for it? of course not. i love you, and although i'm a total @$$ about it, i know you love me too. but more importantly, i Love God. and i trust Him. and whatever will happen, will happen.
I guess in the end its just me thats been messing up a lot.
today i finally got over myself. its a small step. Praise God.
i didn't eat, but i wasn't hungry either. and i tried my best just to think about what was going on, and not look any deeper than that. and i'm going with the facts. i'm my own person. i can live without everything.
eh i sound lame. last night before i went to bed i read the bible. n it wasn't like... w/e just anything. it wasn't like just genesis or exodus and all those stories that mean really nothing to anyone.
i guess i was just thinking. a lot about things. about everything. mostly about you. i have you. and i'm happy to have you. and it gets difficult. so i thought about you. and i read. i read the book of Job. don't be gay and leave now. let me finish. its really good.
Job 1
1 ¶ There was a man in the land of Uz, his name was Job. And this man was perfect and upright, and fearing God, and turning away from evil.
2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him.
3 And his possessions were seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she-asses, and a very great household, so that this man was greater than all the sons of the east.
so it goes on to explain all about Job and how he lives his life. i won't write it all cause i know it might get pretty boring for you. so all that doesnt mean much to us, cause i mean. what am i gonna do with all those sheep and camels and crap. but w/e, i dont have to explain about how back then it meant money n crap. you see, Job was very rich. he had everythingggg lol everything he needed. ok let me keep going. i'm gonna skip a few lines.
while Job was just going about his business, men from everywhere came to tell him some bad news. "Job, today all your sheep have been burned. your entire family has died. your entire world just collapsed in front of you. i'm sorry..."
20 ¶ And Job rose up and tore his robe, and shaved his head. And he fell down on the ground and worshiped.
21 And he said, I came naked out of my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away. Blessed be the name of Jehovah.
its inspirational. to me. because i put myself in its view.
i have been so upset lately. and lonely, and sad. and i can never really quite understand why it is i hurt so much inside. why i am in so much pain sometimes. i think its you. i say, "one of these days he's just gonna be so fustrated with me and that'll be the end of us." and i get so sad thinking about it cause at one point, i had you, where you would swear i was the one for you. and i always would be. but then we are together, and everything is fine.
and theres my parents, and we just don't seem to get along anymore. and they're living their life, and me, mine. and my school sometimes gets to be too much. cause i seem to be thinking only about the weekend where i'd have a possible chance of seeing you again....
like, in life... things come and things go. God gives us things to make us happy and live accomadately. sometimes things just get in our way. even those things we love the most. for example, you. i always forget to put u in ur right spot. you're my boyfriend. but thats just it ... my boyfriend. like, i once, and i guess still do wish we'd be together forever and stuff.. but what if we're not? am i to kill myself for it? of course not. i love you, and although i'm a total @$$ about it, i know you love me too. but more importantly, i Love God. and i trust Him. and whatever will happen, will happen.
I guess in the end its just me thats been messing up a lot.
today i finally got over myself. its a small step. Praise God.