(no subject)
I write these words with my motherly intuition.
I hate the feeling of emotional apathy, where it's all so overwhelming you either give up or you cling to the one thing you can to make yourself have an identity. I cling to being an anthesis of someone who doesn't care, but in fact I do, but only a little. No, I don't care about anyone but me. How it effects me. That's all it's ever been about, is me. I'm not a fucking Mother Teresa. I am a martyr, a catalyst, for my own destruction.
I hate having feelings for people, because it makes me a vulnerable person, and I do not put myself in these situations often...
..or maybe I do. Fuck. Conor was a miserable experience. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment.
You live and you learn, then you make your mistakes and you learn again. But I don't live the way I want, I don't learn from the mistakes I make, except how to avoid them and learn how to warp them to favor my own needs, and even then, I fuck that up.
Does this mean I'm flunking? Do I have to repeat a grade?
I'm just an airplane diving down, I storm and crash without a sound; engines exploding silently out at sea where waves caress unstable egos.
I hate the feeling of emotional apathy, where it's all so overwhelming you either give up or you cling to the one thing you can to make yourself have an identity. I cling to being an anthesis of someone who doesn't care, but in fact I do, but only a little. No, I don't care about anyone but me. How it effects me. That's all it's ever been about, is me. I'm not a fucking Mother Teresa. I am a martyr, a catalyst, for my own destruction.
I hate having feelings for people, because it makes me a vulnerable person, and I do not put myself in these situations often...
..or maybe I do. Fuck. Conor was a miserable experience. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment.
You live and you learn, then you make your mistakes and you learn again. But I don't live the way I want, I don't learn from the mistakes I make, except how to avoid them and learn how to warp them to favor my own needs, and even then, I fuck that up.
Does this mean I'm flunking? Do I have to repeat a grade?
I'm just an airplane diving down, I storm and crash without a sound; engines exploding silently out at sea where waves caress unstable egos.