(no subject)
I hate Sarah Lawrence right now. Last night I dreamed that I was at home, smoking cigarettes in my backyard while reading some book, seeing movies with everyone, and going to Stir Crazy… you know, like the good old times. And then I wake up. I fucking wake up, the dream still fresh in my memory, and I realize that I’m in New York and at Sarah Lawrence. Fuck.
In all honesty though, I’m a completely different person today than I was the day I arrived on this campus, and I owe all my thanks to Sarah Lawrence. I owe it to Dara Horn, Frank Roosevelt, to Elke Zeurn and Shahnaz Rouse, among others. Just a few days before I left for Sarah Lawrence I remember having an argument with Heather at the CineArts and some woman, a professor from Northwestern University, came up to us and argued with us… argued against me. And I held my ground but today or last night or last week or sometime in between now and then I realized that she was right.
And I don’t know what this means. Something along the lines of my ultra liberal values being slashed to hell and reevaluated and coming out a capitalist or a mainstream democrat or a neoclassical economist or a jew or a fag or whatever the fuck it is I am, I’m completely different and the same person I was when I came here but not.
My head hurts. I don’t want to go into the city today. I just want to stay in my room and think and read and listen to music and cry. And why would I want to cry? What on earth could make me want to cry when I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life and love the people I hang out with and love all of my classes and every single book I read. Okay, well not *every* book I read, but most. And maybe I don’t like everything I’ve become since coming here, but I like most.
In all honesty though, I’m a completely different person today than I was the day I arrived on this campus, and I owe all my thanks to Sarah Lawrence. I owe it to Dara Horn, Frank Roosevelt, to Elke Zeurn and Shahnaz Rouse, among others. Just a few days before I left for Sarah Lawrence I remember having an argument with Heather at the CineArts and some woman, a professor from Northwestern University, came up to us and argued with us… argued against me. And I held my ground but today or last night or last week or sometime in between now and then I realized that she was right.
And I don’t know what this means. Something along the lines of my ultra liberal values being slashed to hell and reevaluated and coming out a capitalist or a mainstream democrat or a neoclassical economist or a jew or a fag or whatever the fuck it is I am, I’m completely different and the same person I was when I came here but not.
My head hurts. I don’t want to go into the city today. I just want to stay in my room and think and read and listen to music and cry. And why would I want to cry? What on earth could make me want to cry when I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life and love the people I hang out with and love all of my classes and every single book I read. Okay, well not *every* book I read, but most. And maybe I don’t like everything I’ve become since coming here, but I like most.