here's a rant for ya.
So I'm sitting here at my computer.. as per usual.. I sat upstairs for a good while watching a movie or two and talking to my mom after she got home.. I also spent some time on the phone with Lauren.. Those are always good times.. She went home yesterday morning and I'm super sad about that. I adore her more than words can really say.. Seriously. I can't wait until I get to see her again.
I've been thinking a lot lately.. about people and the impact, or lack there of, they've had on my life.. whether it's presently occurring or of the past. I've been thinking about the people who have hurt me.. and more importantly, I've been thinking about the people that I've hurt.. Those that have misunderstood or "mislabeled" me and vice versa.. Basically, just everything having to do with the social qualities of the people I have had the benefit of encountering. All personal encounters with people are beneficial, even when they end on a sour note.. why? Because you always leave with a lesson. That's why.
I know I'm far from being a perfect person. I know that being a perfect person is unattainable.. what the hell is perfect anyways, right? But I'm working at being the "closest-to-the-idea-of" perfect me. If that makes sense. I've come a far way, but I know I still have a ways to go. I just want to be a good person and I want others to think the same.
I know that there are those individuals that could never think that.. Well, 2 come to mind.. and sadly, that's all over a misunderstanding.. But if someone wants to hear something and then not even call me to confirm whether this is true or not.. and they just take it for truth.. than, I'm sorry, but it's not worth my time. You've already judged me and even though I didn't do what it is you believe I've done, I might as well have just done it as far as this is concerned. I'm sorry it had to go down like that. I have no ill wishes for you or any of the other people who may have such towards me. I'm apathetic to the drama and to spending my time worrying about what people think of me. It's hard enough just living life to worry about stuff that can't be changed.
Anyways, to the meat of this post. I really just wanted to say that I'm sorry for those I've hurt. I mean harm in any way.. I'm honestly sorry. I'm not going to name specific names and I know not everyone that this apology is meant for will ever see it, but I extend it none the less. I'm also sorry for those I've hurt that don't even know I hurt them. Not that I can think of any specifics on that one, but in the event that there are any... it's still a heartfelt apology.
I'm sorry I can be a dick sometimes.. I'm sorry for the times I lost my temper.. I'm sorry for the names I've called or the hurtful things that I've said.. I'm sorry I could be selfish and self-centered.. I'm sorry for ever being over-dramatic or an insanely large asshole. I'm sorry for ever taking advantage of anybody. I'm sorry for being distant or moody. I know everyone is entitled to feeling certain ways sometimes, and I'm not apologizing for being cranky once in awhile or being in a mad mood.. what I'm apologizing for is the overabundance of these "moods" and their unreasonableness. I know I can be an asshole. But in all honesty... I'm a lot better now than I ever was when I was younger. I hope you all can believe that.. or at least see a slight change.
Anyways.. I think I got my point across, so I'm going to stop it there. I love you all and I'm going to go eat an orange and watch a movie of some sort. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy New Years, Feliz Navidad, whatever it is that pertains to you: "Happy/Merry/Blessed ________!!!" haha. :)
I've been thinking a lot lately.. about people and the impact, or lack there of, they've had on my life.. whether it's presently occurring or of the past. I've been thinking about the people who have hurt me.. and more importantly, I've been thinking about the people that I've hurt.. Those that have misunderstood or "mislabeled" me and vice versa.. Basically, just everything having to do with the social qualities of the people I have had the benefit of encountering. All personal encounters with people are beneficial, even when they end on a sour note.. why? Because you always leave with a lesson. That's why.
I know I'm far from being a perfect person. I know that being a perfect person is unattainable.. what the hell is perfect anyways, right? But I'm working at being the "closest-to-the-idea-of" perfect me. If that makes sense. I've come a far way, but I know I still have a ways to go. I just want to be a good person and I want others to think the same.
I know that there are those individuals that could never think that.. Well, 2 come to mind.. and sadly, that's all over a misunderstanding.. But if someone wants to hear something and then not even call me to confirm whether this is true or not.. and they just take it for truth.. than, I'm sorry, but it's not worth my time. You've already judged me and even though I didn't do what it is you believe I've done, I might as well have just done it as far as this is concerned. I'm sorry it had to go down like that. I have no ill wishes for you or any of the other people who may have such towards me. I'm apathetic to the drama and to spending my time worrying about what people think of me. It's hard enough just living life to worry about stuff that can't be changed.
Anyways, to the meat of this post. I really just wanted to say that I'm sorry for those I've hurt. I mean harm in any way.. I'm honestly sorry. I'm not going to name specific names and I know not everyone that this apology is meant for will ever see it, but I extend it none the less. I'm also sorry for those I've hurt that don't even know I hurt them. Not that I can think of any specifics on that one, but in the event that there are any... it's still a heartfelt apology.
I'm sorry I can be a dick sometimes.. I'm sorry for the times I lost my temper.. I'm sorry for the names I've called or the hurtful things that I've said.. I'm sorry I could be selfish and self-centered.. I'm sorry for ever being over-dramatic or an insanely large asshole. I'm sorry for ever taking advantage of anybody. I'm sorry for being distant or moody. I know everyone is entitled to feeling certain ways sometimes, and I'm not apologizing for being cranky once in awhile or being in a mad mood.. what I'm apologizing for is the overabundance of these "moods" and their unreasonableness. I know I can be an asshole. But in all honesty... I'm a lot better now than I ever was when I was younger. I hope you all can believe that.. or at least see a slight change.
Anyways.. I think I got my point across, so I'm going to stop it there. I love you all and I'm going to go eat an orange and watch a movie of some sort. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy New Years, Feliz Navidad, whatever it is that pertains to you: "Happy/Merry/Blessed ________!!!" haha. :)