PLAYBOY MUMMY
Although I was throrougly mentally prepared for all this - nearly 39, one in five pregancies don't make it- it hasn't stopped me feeling a nasty little monochrome cornucopia of feelings. My fault. My fault for leaving it so long. (Yeah, didn't get much of a choice in that.) Guilt.Disappointment. Abruptly being almost literally thrown around the room by dipping and twisting hormones. And I learned something about how miscarriages happen in real life too. It's not just a car crash (Singles, 1993, I'm looking at you) or, the more Gothic and Royal trip down the staircase, followed by bed rest and much gazing out of a white window while servants attend to your every need. You will get a preview of labour pains. I never, never scream for pain or discomfort but that is the closest I have come.
I was watching a cheap-o horror movie - Satan's Little Helper, I believe - when my body went, 'Pff! I can do better than this; and bestowed a gushing of blood to rival Carrie's Prom Queen crown. Another thing..despite the ambulance and lie-down-comfortably, there is nothing - nothing -that can be done to slow the process. A sedative would have been nice before the scan, but at least it wasn't cold - small mercies. A tiny heartbeat, just a flicker, but that's not enough. "95', says the technician. "Should be 115.' So...is that it then? A pamphlet saying no heavy lifting, come back on Monday and we''ll make sure it's dead and we'll check nothing's been left behind. Which makes me smile a little. If Vamper had to leave in a hurry you can bet he left some crap behind - a bean bag, the tiniest iPod in the world, and my broken heart.
I was watching a cheap-o horror movie - Satan's Little Helper, I believe - when my body went, 'Pff! I can do better than this; and bestowed a gushing of blood to rival Carrie's Prom Queen crown. Another thing..despite the ambulance and lie-down-comfortably, there is nothing - nothing -that can be done to slow the process. A sedative would have been nice before the scan, but at least it wasn't cold - small mercies. A tiny heartbeat, just a flicker, but that's not enough. "95', says the technician. "Should be 115.' So...is that it then? A pamphlet saying no heavy lifting, come back on Monday and we''ll make sure it's dead and we'll check nothing's been left behind. Which makes me smile a little. If Vamper had to leave in a hurry you can bet he left some crap behind - a bean bag, the tiniest iPod in the world, and my broken heart.