I'm bringing lj back
Over the past few weeks, I have been in a slump. Actually, this goes back to about one year ago, when I first came out and struggled with rejection, not fitting in, and boys who weren’t into me. I went through a desperate period of loneliness, and I hated that. Finally, I went to the centre at school and found a place where I fit in. That sense of loneliness and depression went away, although new pain formed when I began hanging around Adam. Actually, as cliché as it sounds, it was the best of times and the worst of times. The “relationship” or whatever you want to call it was emotionally brutal, and honestly embarrassing when I look back on it. But without Adam, I would’ve have become so intimately introduced to the scene, and I wouldn’t have the great friends I now have. And there’s no denying that those times were fun.
But when I’ve got out lately, it’s been even better and more fun. The only problem is I feel like such an outsider. I hate that feeling of trying to “break into” a pre-existing friendship group. I’ve done it before with various degrees of success, and I think I can do it again this time, but better. However, because of my location and my lack of similar friends in Burlington, I’m in a position where I have to go alone, which is sketchy, or with my mom, which is weird. It sucks terribly. And I hate being alone at the bar, waiting for friends to show up.
In addition to the scene, I am unhappy about my lack of job and the debt I’m racking up. I hope to God I have enough money to get me through the school year, at least the first term.
I know I should be exercising more and practicing driving, but I’m just so unmotivated to do things that I don’t enjoy. If I had a special someone in my life, I’d be more inclined to do these things because I’d have a reason to do them.
I guess I just feel like I’m in a state of confusion and just lost.
But when I’ve got out lately, it’s been even better and more fun. The only problem is I feel like such an outsider. I hate that feeling of trying to “break into” a pre-existing friendship group. I’ve done it before with various degrees of success, and I think I can do it again this time, but better. However, because of my location and my lack of similar friends in Burlington, I’m in a position where I have to go alone, which is sketchy, or with my mom, which is weird. It sucks terribly. And I hate being alone at the bar, waiting for friends to show up.
In addition to the scene, I am unhappy about my lack of job and the debt I’m racking up. I hope to God I have enough money to get me through the school year, at least the first term.
I know I should be exercising more and practicing driving, but I’m just so unmotivated to do things that I don’t enjoy. If I had a special someone in my life, I’d be more inclined to do these things because I’d have a reason to do them.
I guess I just feel like I’m in a state of confusion and just lost.