And Phineas Nigellus Will Save The Wizarding World.
There's not much time left in which to come up with ridiculous theories about the end of the Harry Potter series, is there? Er, obviously Neville is the real Boy Who Lived, but Lord Dumbledore (in a moment of insanity while reading over the draft, I hallucinated a 'Lord' in front of 'Dumbledore', so obviously I had to insert it; those are the rules) made everyone think it was the baby Harry so that Voldemort would keep trying to kill the wrong person. When Quirrel couldn't touch Harry, it wasn't because Harry's mother's Heroic Sacrifice was protecting him; it was because Harry had a horrible, ridiculously fast-acting contagious skin disease. And Harry's ability to speak Parseltongue didn't come from Voldemort's attack; it's just, er, genetic. Yes. Harry is, in fact, a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin, but this has no plot relevance whatsoever, Parseltongue-speaking aside.
Apologies if I've spoiled Philosopher's Stone or Chamber of Secrets for anyone, but, to be honest, if you haven't read them by now, you probably don't care. It is a measure of how ridiculously overcautious I am that I actually considered a spoiler cut.
On an entirely different note: please tell me that somebody has written Balthier/Fran/Captain Jack Harkness (yes, I know I think of Balthier as being very heterosexual, but everyone makes an exception for Captain Jack Harkness). It could be the most amazing threesome ever. The sky pirates and the space conman, having morally-ambiguous adventures and fantastic glorious sex! You've thought about it, haven't you? Haven't you? If it doesn't exist, I may cry.
Apologies if I've spoiled Philosopher's Stone or Chamber of Secrets for anyone, but, to be honest, if you haven't read them by now, you probably don't care. It is a measure of how ridiculously overcautious I am that I actually considered a spoiler cut.
On an entirely different note: please tell me that somebody has written Balthier/Fran/Captain Jack Harkness (yes, I know I think of Balthier as being very heterosexual, but everyone makes an exception for Captain Jack Harkness). It could be the most amazing threesome ever. The sky pirates and the space conman, having morally-ambiguous adventures and fantastic glorious sex! You've thought about it, haven't you? Haven't you? If it doesn't exist, I may cry.